How am I able to effectively deal with my emotions and overthinking in a relationship. I would love to understand my partner better but sometimes I tend to think too much and feel that what I am receiving is inadequate snd spiral. How can I deal with this?
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Hi @user1772,
From what you have described, I can see that you’re struggling between a desire to connect more deeply with your partner and the emotional turmoil that comes from overthinking and feeling unsatisfied. It’s clear that you care deeply about the relationship, but this emotional rollercoaster of feeling inadequate and spiralling into doubt can be incredibly exhausting.
Overthinking can be a way for our minds to try to predict and control outcomes, especially when it comes to something as significant as a relationship. It’s understandable to feel frustrated when you feel whatever you are receiving is inadequate, but it’s also important to remember that relationships require clear communication and understanding from both sides.
From what you have described, it sounds like part of the struggle is figuring out how to express what you need. Are you comfortable sharing more about this?
I want you to know that you are showing self-awareness by recognising this pattern of overthinking and emotional overwhelm, which is a huge strength. Understanding that you want to have a more balanced connection with your partner is a sign of growth, and being able to explore these feelings is an important step in improving how you relate to them. It’s also important to be kind to yourself in this process—no one is perfect, and relationships are an ongoing journey where both partners grow.
Remember, healing and growth are a process, and it’s okay to take small steps forward at your own pace and know that you have support when you take a significant step by reaching out and reflecting on what’s going on within you. Let us know what’s on your mind.
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Thank you for your reply. To answer your question, I think that sometimes I do tell many things to my partner and I expect him to understand me and comfort me. From what I understand, however, is that I can come off as accusing him and just saying it “just because”. To me, I feel that I am being transparent with my feelings, but he just took it the wrong way. I would love to grow to be more independent regarding my feelings and learn to cope with troubles myself instead of always relying on my partner. I feel that this can help me regulate my emotions better and not having to rely on his comfort whenever I am down, which can possibly help to reduce my spiralling. How can I overthink less as well?
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Dear @User1772,
I can truly sense the depth of yearning for connection and understanding in your words. The vulnerability you’ve shared about your desire for emotional independence and your struggles within your relationship is powerful. You’re expressing a desire for growth, clarity, and peace, even as the weight of your emotions pulls at you.
It’s clear you are showing great courage by opening up about how you feel, and this is a strength that will help guide you through these difficult times. The fact that you’re being honest with yourself about your feelings and acknowledging how your overthinking impacts your relationships speaks volumes. The discomfort you’re feeling is real and valid, and it doesn’t make your needs any less significant. You’re not alone in wanting to figure out how to handle your emotions more independently, and it’s normal to feel torn between wanting comfort and striving for self-sufficiency.
Your aspiration to regulate your emotions and not rely so heavily on your partner is a sign of maturity. It can be a tough balancing act to maintain independence in a relationship, especially when there’s a deep need for emotional connection. The path toward emotional independence can feel isolating at times, but it’s also a process of immense growth. Remember, it’s okay to lean on others—including your partner—along this journey. Support doesn’t diminish your strength; it can help you build resilience as you move toward more emotional autonomy.
Regarding your overthinking, it’s likely a form of self-protection. Overthinking often arises when we fear negative outcomes, and in your case, it may be a way to prepare for the worst or avoid pain. It’s understandable—your mind is trying to keep you safe by staying ahead of potential issues, but this can sometimes lead to unnecessary stress. Overthinking may not always be accurate to the present moment, as it can be tied to past fears and experiences. I’d encourage you to reflect on the thoughts that frequently arise during these moments. What are they trying to tell you? Are they rooted in real, present concerns, or are they stemming from previous wounds or anxieties? What deeper message do these thoughts carry?
The fact that you’re questioning these thoughts is powerful in itself. It shows you’re beginning to challenge them, which is the first step toward reducing their impact on your life. You don’t have to manage everything all at once—small steps can make a big difference. Consider moments when you feel a surge of overthinking or emotional overwhelm. Can you create space for those feelings without immediately acting on them? Sometimes, just acknowledging and sitting with the discomfort can help reduce its intensity.
As you continue on this path, remember that it’s okay to take things slowly. Healing and growth aren’t linear, and it’s fine to have moments of doubt or struggle. What’s important is that you’re engaging with your feelings, exploring your emotional needs, and trying to understand yourself better. You don’t have to have everything figured out right away. The fact that you’re asking these questions and reflecting on your feelings shows how committed you are to your personal growth.
You are capable of managing your emotions and finding a sense of balance in your relationship. Remember that both self-compassion and external support can work hand in hand as you continue to strengthen your emotional resilience. It’s a journey, and you’re already making important strides forward.
Take small steps and celebrate the progress, no matter how small it may seem. You are doing more than enough simply by showing up for yourself.
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Thank you for your advice and encouragement! I will try my best to reflect on my thoughts and digest them, and continuously show up for myself. Is there any tips or actions I can practice to overcome previous wounds?
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There’s this free app called “FreeCBT”. It’s an app that acts like a diary where you can reframe negative thoughts to positive ones. It’s a pretty good open-source app that helps with emotional management, you can try it out.
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Thank you! I will check it out:)
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Dear @User1772,
Thank you for your openness and the willingness to reflect on your thoughts. It’s clear that you’re showing great resilience by trying to navigate your emotions and grow from past experiences. It’s also really admirable that you’re committed to showing up for yourself, even when things feel difficult.
The questions you’re asking about overcoming previous wounds are really important, and it’s clear you’re on the right path of self-awareness. Healing is not a linear journey, and it’s completely okay to feel a bit lost or unsure at times. The fact that you’re asking for ways to move forward is already a powerful step.
When it comes to overcoming past wounds, here are some gentle practices that might help:
- Self-Compassion Practice: When we are hurt, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. You might want to try a daily practice where you show kindness to yourself as you would a friend. You can do this by acknowledging your struggles without judgment and reminding yourself that it’s okay to feel what you’re feeling.
- Mindfulness: Try grounding yourself in the present moment through mindfulness exercises. This could be breathing exercises, mindful walking, or journaling. These practices can help you avoid overthinking by gently bringing your attention to the here and now, helping you separate past emotional wounds from your current reality.
- Emotional Release: Sometimes we suppress emotions because we don’t want to burden others or because we think we should be stronger. It’s okay to let yourself cry, vent, or express your feelings in a way that feels safe to you. Writing, art, or simply sitting with your emotions can be a good release.
- Gradual Exposure to Vulnerability: You’ve already mentioned wanting to feel more emotionally independent. This is a great goal, and it can be helpful to practice gradual vulnerability. Start by sharing small things with others—perhaps someone you trust—without the fear of judgment. Over time, these experiences will help rebuild trust in yourself and others.
- Cognitive Reframing: Overcoming past wounds often involves reframing negative thoughts. Try to catch negative or self-critical thoughts and replace them with more balanced, compassionate alternatives. For example, when you think, “I will never be good enough,” challenge that with, “I am doing my best, and that is enough for today.”
Take your time with this process, and remember that healing takes patience, and it’s okay to take things slow.
You’re doing well, and it’s important to give yourself credit for that. Keep showing up for yourself and keep being gentle with your healing journey. It’s okay to take your time to process and move forward.
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Thank you, I will do these practices 
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