how to get out of this?

Ask a Therapist Coping
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On weekends, I like to lie in bed after morning excercise. My wife and children ignore me because I’m not successful and rich as they expect me to be. I feel sad and lonely. I try to go out with good friends but I find it hard to stay in their conversations. I feel inferior. So I tend to stay home a lot and to escape from my low moods, I try to sleep in the day as I wake up at 3am every day. I wish to talk to someone who can comfort and guide me.

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Hi @capricorn

Thank you for sharing with us your thoughts and feelings. I can understand how hurtful and difficult it must be to feel ignored and disconnected from your family, especially when it’s related to feelings of not meeting certain expectations. I empathise with you; feeling sad and lonely in this situation is completely valid. It’s also tough when you’re with friends and find it hard to engage fully in their conversations, leading to feelings of inferiority.

Your tendency to stay home and seek solace in sleep during the day is a way of coping with these low moods, particularly considering your early waking schedule. I want to validate these feelings and acknowledge the difficulty you’re experiencing.

I would like us to process this together, please take some time to share with us:

  • Have you found any specific reasons or events that might have led to this distance with your family?
  • How would you prefer to feel more connected with them and your friends?

In the meantime, here are three strategies that might help:

  1. Communication: I encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your family about how you’re feeling. When you can express your emotions and concerns, it can sometimes help bridge that gap. If you find it difficult to have an open conversation with them, try out this tool: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg

  2. Seeking Support: Is there someone outside of your family and friends, perhaps a counselor or a support group, who you’d feel comfortable talking to? Sometimes an impartial perspective can provide a fresh outlook and support. It would be good if you can also speak to a mental health professional who can help you process your emotions in this situation. There are some online options which might be helpful for you too:

  1. Self-care Routine: When you can create a routine that involves activities you enjoy, such as hobbies or exercise, it might help uplift your mood and provide a healthy distraction from negative thoughts. You could try things like journaling, or cooking, or something that helps you to de-stress too.

Last but not least, please know that we are here to listen and support you through this difficult time. Do share with us your thoughts and how you’ve been coping, and let’s reflect and process this situation together.

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Dear Kind person,
Thanks for listening and understanding. I find it hard to cope as I try but cannot speak to my wife and children about my feelings. They tell me it’s my problem and don’t want to hear me. I want this feeling to end badly.

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Hi @capricorn

I’m truly sorry to hear that you feel unsupported by your wife and children, especially when you’re still grappling with such deep and profound emotions. It makes sense that you feel isolated and unheard, which leads to your distress.

I’m glad that you have at least kept trying to discuss your feelings with them, and despite their reactions, I wonder if there may be reasons for their actions too. It might be possible that they do not know how to respond appropriately or to support you, or they might also be dealing with their own challenges.

Even though it’s tough, I encourage you to seek support from others who can understand and provide the help you need. You could try reaching out to friends, a support group, a therapist, or a counselor. Speaking with a professional can offer a safe space for you to express and process your emotions without fear of judgment.

Your feelings are important and I encourage you to process them in a healthy way, and to take care of your mental health and well-being even if it means seeking support beyond your immediate family.

I’ve attached a link here for you to reach out to a counsellor - please do look for the nearest one to your home, or somewhere convenient for you. They don’t cost much, and they are all fully trained professionals to help you with your struggles. Please do reach out to them soon.

List of Family Service Centres

Let us know how it goes for you, and how you’re coping too. Take care and hear from you soon.

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Do you feel the need to meet their expectations of being successful and rich? Or are you comfortable where you are?

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Yes, l feel like that . I am not comfortable with where I am.

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Do you have an idea of where you’d like to be? It may or may not be in line with your wife and children’s expectations but I guess it’s important to work towards your own goals.