I am not okay with my partner's friends

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I am not okay with my partner’s best friends. She has never introduced me to them, neither have they introduced them to you. She’s afraid / worried to share with her best friends about me.

i dont like her friends for many reasons:

the fact that shes worried about what they think of her r/s and getting judged makes me feel like her friends arent friends after all? besides they dont even know me , what more my existence.

Her friends control her. besides the fact that im a hidden person despite being together for more than 3 years, whatever her friends say or ask, she will do. but when it comes to me, she cant because shes afraid of what they might think / see.

We have had many conversations about this and she doesnt want to talk about it at all and it always avoids it. I have also made myself clear that i dont like the friends she have and i dont want to know abt them. despite that, she still tells me stuff and constantly hangs out with them daily.

I sometime think she might be dating her best friend and not me. Whatever we have done together, she would have done it with her friend(s) first or do the same thing we did together with her friend(s)

I dont feel special, i dont feel exlcusive. And most of all, i dont understand.

I constantly feel neglected and hurt. I have spiralled and made many extreme decisions to at least understand my partner’s POV. i think ive tried everything within my means but its not going well. Please help.

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How do i care less?

Care less about my job? its just a job.

Care less about the people around me? they dont care for me the same, they dont rmbr me unless the need something

Care less about my siblings who unconsciously put themselves in dangerous or sticky situations?

Care less about the things that wont really matter in the next 5 years.

I think im exhausted, i dont have the will to do anything except to sleep all the way at any chance i get.

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Hi @Matchastrawberry

Thank you for sharing your struggles, I hear you, and it sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of pain and confusion in your relationship right now. I can completely understand that you feel hurt and neglected when you’re not feeling included or valued by your partner’s friends. It must be difficult to feel like you’re not a priority in your partner’s life, especially after being together for over three years.

It’s concerning that your partner seems hesitant to introduce you to her best friends and is afraid to share information about your relationship with them. It’s natural to want to feel integrated into each other’s social circles, and it’s important for your partner to communicate openly and honestly with you about her concerns.

Here are a couple of suggestions that might help you process this situation:

  1. Have An Open Communication with her. You can encourage your partner to have an open and honest conversation with you about her relationship with her best friends and why she feels hesitant to introduce you to them. Let her know that you’re there to support her and that you want to understand her perspective better.

  2. Try Couples Counseling: I encourage you to consider seeking the support of a couples therapist who can help facilitate communication and address any underlying issues in your relationship. A therapist can provide a safe space for both of you to express your feelings and work through these challenges together. I’ve listed this resource so that you can seek support from a mental health professional: Couples Counselling Resource from Singapore Association for Counselling

I hope these suggestions are helpful for you. In the meantime, please keep us updated on how your conversation with your partner went and if you’ve managed to reach out to any mental health professional for your couple-counselling. Hope to hear from you soon!

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