I used to be very good at my studies, top of my class, cleared the toughest entrance exams and got into the country’s best engineering college. After that, as my peers did, I took it easy during college and got an average GPA. But didn’t find a desired job during campus placements. This was the start of my lowest point journey. I cried a lot during those times. If I had worked hard, I might’ve gotten a good offer. But at last, my family suggested instead of a private job I prepare for the civil services exam, which is again one of the toughest in the country. I felt at the lowest. It felt like all the hard work I did was for nothing; it went all in vain. I feel like I am back at square one, but now I don’t have the strength to fight, prepare, or succeed. Every day feels tiring; every day, I try to study again afresh but cannot concentrate and, in the end, lag behind my goals and cry and cry a lot. I haven’t felt this low ever. I cry almost every day now, and that too secretly so that my family doesn’t see this. I feel guilty to them, like I wasted all the time and resources they invested in me. I try to slap, hurt, scratch, pinch, choke myself, ridden with guilt. I don’t want to continue this torment anymore. I talked to my best friend from college, who had the same scenario as me; she consoled me and motivated me, but again, the next day, this cycle repeated, and I didn’t wish to bug her anymore. And to my family I cannot tell them these things coz I’ve always been the fighter who cleared everything she wanted but how to tell them I feel lost and broken now. I looked for mental health, ADHD, and self-harm online, but I broke down by reading stuff. Finally, I am writing here anonymously; I don’t know why; maybe I just want my way out of this. I am sure no one will read a message this long but if someone does, do tell me do u think I have any mental problem
Hi @user9999
Thank you for your huge courage in bringing up what you are experiencing. I’m glad you are reaching out for support. It is understandable that you are experiencing overwhelming emotions, guilt, and self-doubt. This isn’t uncommon, especially after facing setbacks.
Please know that many among us can fully relate with your experiences. This is tough phase. I encourage you to keep up your effort and take small steps on a daily basis - it can help you slowly come out of the current situation. I can sense that you have always set high standards for yourself and feel disappointed that certain goals have not been met yet. Break goals down into smaller goals as these could be more achievable and help you rebuild confidence in yourself and your abilities.
I would also encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional such as a Counsellor to process what you are currently going through. You are understandably anxious as your career ahead seems uncertain and I believe the stress is affecting you. The Counsellor can help you learn coping skills which are healthy, can help you reframe your current situation and work out action plans of daily actions you can take to overcome the current low period you are experiencing.
To study better, do try the Pomodoro technique.
Here are some some self care tips you can consider as well:
- Mindfulness: Meditation, deep breathing.
- Exercise: Physical activity.
- Journaling: Express emotions.
- Social Support: Reach out to friends, family.
You’re not alone; many face similar struggles. Your strength lies in acknowledging vulnerability and I encourage you to take small daily steps to effect an improvement. Please always remember how far you have come and how many obstacles you have already overcome. Keep going one small change at a time. You got this! 
I am doing better now. Thanks for replying then 