I can't do this anymore

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

because of certain triggers, ive been experiencing really intense flashbacks from the past… i’m in a situation where i can’t see any professionals for the next month and im really scared to be left alone like this

the flashbacks feel so real.. i can feel all the physical sensations and i can’t stand it… i have what ive been told is a “chronic suicidal crisis” so i’m used to suicidal thoughts but these flashbacks are really driving me over the wall… the thoughts are getting a little more real at times and im really scared…

i follow my safety plan and i know i can keep myself safe but the flashbacks and the thoughts are so exhausting i can’t deal with it… ive also gone a i think about a month without cutting myself maybe longer but the thoughts are getting so unbearable… i don’t want to get back into the habit

my mental health has been so bad this year i really don’t know how to deal with this anymore.. im so so tired and i dont have the energy for anything… im struggling to go to class and spending time with the people i love is too tiring… what do i do

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Hey @crabs, I hear you. There is help readily available, so please know that you’re not alone in this. The National Mindline hotline at 1771 is available 24/7 if you want someone to talk to; there’s also an alternative WhatsApp chat at +65-6669-1771 if you’d like to prefer to chat over text. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by suicidal thoughts, you can call SOS at 1767. Whenever you feel in distress, please don’t be scared to reach out to them. The counsellors there would be happy to hear you out.

You’ve mentioned certain triggers causing these flashbacks and suicidal thoughts, perhaps you could try avoiding these triggers for the time being to protect yourself. Please tell a trusted adult or loved one about this, so they can be by your side whenever you need someone to be there, and ensure your well-being.

You’re not alone in this, okay? Your loved ones are by your side, and there is help and support available as mentioned above. The let’s talk forum will also be here to lend you our listening ear. You can pull through this, I believe in you!

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Dear @crabs

Thank you for reaching out here for support as you experience this challenging period. I can deeply feel how much pain you are in. I’m therefore very glad you have sought support, you are not alone as you navigate this period.:yellow_heart:

I also want to acknowledge your determination and progress. The fact that you have managed negative thoughts and self harm urges despite how strong urges have been is a testimony to your efforts and your strengths in moving towards better mental health.

It is understandable it is debilitating to deal with vivid flashbacks in addition to exhaustion from carrying suicidal thoughts for a long time. Though a professional had been helping you, from what you have written, the support is not available for the time being.

I note you are in school so may I suggest to explore approaching your school counsellor with some urgency while waiting for the professional to journey with you.

Meanwhile, to help you in coping in the moment with flashbacks may I suggest the following :

-Grounding techniques which can help remind your body and mind that you are in the present. For example: look around and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.

-If the sensations are overwhelming, try temperature changes (holding ice, splashing cold water, or a warm shower) to bring yourself back.

-You have gone about a month without self-harm, so continue with what has been working well and proven for you.

-For the longer term, please lean on safe people in your life right now, even if it feels exhausting. I believe just letting someone sit with you, even silently, can help.

-You mentioned classes feeling difficult, do give yourself permission to scale back, ask for extensions, or communicate with your teachers about needing a bit of flexibility.

To your credit, you have come very far, and have shown a lot of strength and commitment in this difficult journey. Please keep going, and continue reaching out whenever needed.:yellow_heart:

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hi, thank you for the advice!

im not in school, im in uni, and ive tried approaching the counselling office there… they’re unwilling to take my case because its too complicated which i guess is understandable i can be a lot… so i really have no support for the time being :frowning: is there anything else i can do

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Dear @crabs

Thanks for letting me know.

Please do consider the resources shared above by @crispycreme. Reach out to loved ones who do not judge you and care for you unconditionally. And keep reaching out here in the meanwhile.:yellow_heart:

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Hello @crabs thank you so much for sharing all of this. I can hear how incredibly painful and overwhelming things are for you right now, and I’m really sorry you’re going through this.

Even despite all of of this, the fact that you’re reaching out, following your safety plan, and staying self-aware says a lot about your strength. You’ve already made it through some incredibly hard moments, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, that shows resilience. It’s also a big deal that you’ve gone a month or more without self-harming, that’s not nothing. That’s a sign of how hard you’ve been trying.

It makes total sense that the flashbacks feel unbearable at times. When the past shows up in such a physical, intense way, it can feel like you’re reliving it all over again. That’s not your fault, that’s your nervous system reacting to things it hasn’t fully healed from yet. You’re not broken for feeling this way, even if it feels impossible to hold.

You mentioned you can’t see a professional for the next month, which I imagine feels really isolating. If it helps, maybe you can put in place a few small things to ground yourself when the flashbacks hit. Even simple things like naming five things you can see or feel around you, or playing music that brings you back to the present. These won’t fix everything, but they might help give you a little bit of breathing room in the worst moments.

It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to not feel okay. You’re not weak for needing support, and you’re not a burden for feeling this way.

You don’t have to go through this alone. Even while waiting for professional help, I hope you can keep reaching out to people and places like this. You matter. You’re not too much. And there’s still hope, even in this exhaustion.

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