Please help šŸ˜ž

Ask a Therapist Coping
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im currently safe and wont do anything and have no plans but im kinda scared.. i have chronic suicidal thoughts but theyve always been like intrusive thoughts i just have to calm down and ground myself and i feel betterā€¦ but now my thoughts feel less urgent but they feel a lot more like my own? like they feel like a logical conclusion i came to rather than something intrusiveā€¦ so im perfectly calm and grounded but they still comeā€¦ i dont know how to deal with this because none of my coping methods workā€¦ distractions dont work either

i dont knwo why even tho i dont have strong urges i have this really unsettling feeling of like impending doom i feel like this is the calm before the storm

im already seeing professionals but i honestly feel like theres no way out of thisā€¦ i think im honestly quite beyond helpā€¦ i genuinely do not know how to cope with this

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i hate everything why does everyone hate me my entire life is pointless

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Dear @crabs

Thank you for writing in and seeking ways to manage what you are going through. Please know that you are not alone.

I am glad that you are keeping yourself safe. This shows resilience and determination and I believe you have worked really hard to make such good progress. Continue and keep practising what is working well that is helping to keep you safe. Keep your safety plan nearby and easily accessible in the event it is needed. I also encourage you to keep refreshing yourself on the techniques your mental health professional may have taught you on dealing with intrusive thoughts so that you can immediately use them if needed.

I can see how committed you are in addressing what you are struggling with and I applaud you for that. Please may I suggest you can consider practising cognitive flexibility as well. This means making room for negative thoughts, emotions and sensations and letting them sit there, while you carry on with what is meaningful and important to you.

Cognitive flexibility is about seeing thoughts as they actually are, ongoing attempts at meaning making and then choosing to give them power only to the degree that they genuinely serve you.

This skill involves just noticing the act of thinking, without diving in. Itā€™s less about having the ā€œrightā€thoughts and more about thinking flexibly and noticing what works, based on your experience. If your thoughts seem rigid and become barriers in your life, the following exercise may help you shift to a new perspective.

Labelling your thoughts: To get better at noticing your thoughts, feelings, memories, and body sensations as they happen, give each one a label. Instead of just thinking about something, try saying out loud or toyourself what it is youā€™re experiencing.

For example, if youā€™re thinking about things you need to do later, instead of just saying, ā€œI have things to do later,ā€ try, ā€œIā€™m having the thought that I have things to do later.ā€ If you feel sad, say, ā€œIā€™m having the feeling of sadness.ā€

Hereā€™s how you can label different experiences:

Thoughts: ā€œIā€™m having the thought thatā€¦ā€ (then describe your thought)

Feelings: ā€œIā€™m having the feeling ofā€¦ā€ (then name your feeling)

Memories: ā€œIā€™m having the memory ofā€¦ā€ (then describe the memory)

Body sensations: ā€œIā€™m feeling the sensation ofā€¦ā€ (then describe where or how it feels)

Urges: ā€œIā€™m noticing the urge toā€¦ā€ (then describe what you feel like doing)

Practice this by letting your experiences come and go, and label each one as it shows up. This process helps you step back from your own thoughts and feelings. For example, thereā€™s a big difference between saying, ā€œI am depressedā€ and ā€œI am having the feeling that I am depressed.ā€ The second one helps you see the feeling as separate from who you are. Do consider using this kind of labelling when you talk to yourself, sticking with it for at least a week. After that, use it anytime you feel stuck in your thoughts or emotions and need some distance.

Do practise and let the supportive community here know how you are doing. Reach out here whenever you need support. Take strength from how far you have progressed. You do matter and your life is infinitely precious. You can get through this, one tiny step at a time.

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Hi @crabs,

To echo what @CaringBee had mentioned, itā€™s important to have a Safety Plan in place - especially in between sessions with a professional. A Safety Plan acts as a grounding guide during moments of distress. It typically includes questions like:

:alarm_clock: When should I use this Safety Plan?

  • (e.g. When I notice early signs of emotional distress or feel unsafe.)

:telephone: Who can I call when Iā€™m struggling?

  • (Trusted friends, family members, helplines, or my Case Manager.)

:brain: What helps me regulate my emotions?

  • (Breathing exercises, journaling, art, movement, grounding techniques.)

:house: How can I keep my environment safe?

  • (Removing harmful objects, creating a calming space, setting boundaries.)

:busts_in_silhouette: Who can I reach out to for professional support?

  • (Therapist, psychiatrist, counsellor, or crisis team.)

:hotel: If I still donā€™t feel safe, how do I locate the nearest A&E?

  • (Know the address, transport options, and emergency contacts.)

I do hope that this helps to shed light on your concerns. I personally would not say that you are ā€œbeyond helpā€, but it is encouraged for you to have a sense of structure in between sessions with a professional.

Whatā€™s important is that you continue to seek guidance from your professional care team to get the support you need. By having an honest conversation with your care team, it will enable them to take the appropriate steps to address your concerns. Youā€™ve got this! :+1:

Note: If you are in crisis and require immediate support, do contact National Mindline at 1771 (Call) or +65 6669 1771 (WhatsApp).

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To add on to @Han_Solo_2000 reply, first of all apologies for the late reply due to hectic schedules on my end. However, he is right : create your safety zone in overwhelming situations. Through deep breathing exercises, finding trusted adult to talk about and share your worries, troubles and distress, emotional support toy, journaling , it will allow you to seek help when neccessary. Especially if you find yourself detached, binge-eating/engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, it is best you seek a professional therapist/psychologist/psychiarist to help you overcome your setbacks.

Note: If you are in crisis and require immediate support, do contact National Mindline at 1771 (Call) or +65 6669 1771 (WhatsApp). ; Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) : 9151 17167 (WhatsApp)/ 1767 (24hr hotline) or alternatively, go to the nearest hospital if symptoms of distress get very severe.

Lastly, no one is perfect. There are days we dont feel good bout ourselves, and it is okay to have that. However , it is essential to identify the inner critics/ the dark thoughts that affect us and learn to reframe our thoughts through self-compassion, self-affirmations through gratitude. Like what Billie Ellish said ā€œ Iā€™m not here to be perfect, Iā€™m here to be real.ā€ Hence @crabs , I hope you find strength to overcome the dark thoughts surrounding you. From here at Mindline, I am sending hugs and kindness towards your way. If needed, reach out for your loved ones, your friends your way. They care and love you very much.

With love ,

@kwantingchingu

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thank you @Han_Solo_2000 @kwantingchingu @CaringBee

i really appreciate the support!!

do you have any suggestions for what to do when youā€™re too tired to deal with these thoughts or think rationally? i have exams coming up and im getting extra stressed about being too tired to study even though im really tryingā€¦ it gives me the thought that i hate myself more and it makes my thoughts worse :frowning:

im really scared by how recurrent these thoughts are and i donā€™t want to end up in the hospital again :frowning: i desperately want to finish this semester after i failed to finish the last but i have the thought that i wonā€™t live to see the end of the semester

i donā€™t have people i can talk to and i feel scared and alone :frowning:

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Wellā€¦.i guess, you will need to find someone you feel safe to speak to and one shot vent everything out.

Thoughts will forever run inside your mind as long as you dont let it out. And you mind will be like a cup slowly filling up with suicidal thoughts. Which can be pretty serious when the cup is full and starts to overflow.

Last time i used to have a pretty sicko counsellor who just told me i can scream at her, shout at her, and scold her as long as i feel better after that.

But honestly, a safe place to speak out is rarely available, since under MHCTA, professionals are to report anything that deemed to be at risk to themselves or others.

Anywayā€¦.you can try looking up for Safe U initiative on telegram. They might be the best people for you to vent. Its a new group run by a individual. They do have a FB page. As its a private group, so the are not subjected to MHCTA guidelines.

One thing you can try doing is go to the top level of the carpark before sunrise or sunset and look up at the sky and do some deep breathing, and start to think about things you wanted to do tomorrow, and think about things you like, or what to eat .etc. Just make sure you donā€™t look down. There is a huge difference between looking up and looking down.

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hi! perhaps u can try doing things that u like (ur hobbies) to make u feel better? do u have any coping mechanisms or anything that makes u feel better? things like sleeping, exercising, listening to music etc

also, i can see that ure really trying your best, u have a strong will to finish this semester and uve made it so far already. give urself some credit for how far uve come and how u didnt let ur inner thoughts take over u. u are stronger than u think!! thank u for sharing ur thoughts here too, its not easy being vulnerable.

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Dear @crabs

Thank you for writing in and updating us. I can see that you are determined to complete the semester. Your determination also shows you have a firm resolve in youā˜ŗļø. Well done, You have set a clear goal for yourself. Now focus your energy on the process, and the tiny steps you need to take on a daily basis to reach your goal.

Understandably though, your mind and body are both tired from the strain you have been enduring for very long. Please do not be discouraged. Start with tiny process goals. For example, set aside 25 mins without interruption to focus on one study topic. After the 25 minutes of study is completed, do a quick recap on what you learnt. Rest for 5 minutes and then start the next 25 min block.

When the negative thoughts arise, practise putting some distance between the negative thoughts arising using the technique I shared earlier. Let these thoughts chatter in the background, and focus on studying what you need to.

When tired, itā€™s very ok to rest. You will come back stronger and more refreshed. You can go slow, yet steady. I encourage you to aim to improve by at least 1% a day compared to the previous day.

Though you do not have anyone to talk to now, please also know you are not alone. The supportive community here is cheering you on so reach out whenever needed.

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