I choose to be alone because I receive envy and insecurity from people surrounding me

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

I ask my male colleague, “is it you don’t want me to boss you and him (another male colleague) around?”, he refuse to reply but I need answers. I feel that when I working in the department with these 2 male colleagues, I inform about the work to be hand over to them, I prepare the work for them, I inform them because other departments need answers from us and require constant update from our department etc, I’m trying to communicate to them and all I get is no response, no acknowledgment. I inform them that I took over certain work for a reason and yet they went ahead to do the work without informing me. I’m not entirely sure “why?”, I trying to communicate to them, remind them not to forget certain work and as a result, I get is no response.

I tell him that these work have to be done, he reply that I already repeating the same thing again and again and ask me this question, “you got see me I do the work?” and telling “You already know me for 2 years, you should know by now”. I finally tell him that I cover his work when he is not at workplace because other department requested for work to carry out the decision and I show it to them without waiting for him to come to work. He’s not happy that, “if you not happy, you can go and complain to boss, throw my name and kick me out of the department”. This is not the first time he telling me to complain and throw his name out.

At the end of the day, I tell him that I take all the blame and tell him to forget about it because I tell him that this is part of my problem.

I finally learn that the best decision I have is I choose to be alone because I receive envy and inscecurity from people surrounding me throughout all the years I met them in real-life. I felt it since secondary school and I’m not surpised that being alone is a norm to me. People show their insecurity and envious feeling towards to me and I absorb it because I knew that it’s always the “me” problem. Someone did mention to me if my behaviour triggers their insecurity, they might want to me to look into the mirror.

People dislike me as I look bossy, I’m optimistic, I’m confident, I’m know the answer to eveything, I’m mature, I’m whatever that people can think of to show their insecurity towards me.

Sometimes, I admit that people dislike me the first time they met me that it’s best I just jump down and commit suicide. I not scared to say that I rather kill myself than people throwing their insecurity towards me.

2

Dear @user7009

I’m deeply thankful that you reached out for support as you navigate this difficult situation. Please know you matter and that you don’t need to figure out what to do alone. I want to focus on what matters most first which is your safety and wellbeing.

The statement about wanting to kill yourself is alarming and I am very concerned for your safety. I sense you are in a lot of pain and feel blamed, isolated, and overwhelmed. That mention of hurting yourself tells me you may in danger. Please call the SOS hotline at 1767 immediately if the urge to harm yourself persists. You don’t deserve any harm to come upon you. You need good unconditional care and support.

What you described with your colleagues is not just a “you problem.”
I believe your colleagues are behaving unprofessionally. They are Ignoring messages, duplicating work without telling you, and challenging you to “complain to the boss” instead of communicating and collaborating.

Coordinating work, giving updates, and covering tasks when someone is absent is not being bossy but rather I see that it’s part of teamwork.

I also notice what’s happening is that you’re taking all the blame to keep the peace, and that’s hurting you.

I genuinely think other people’s defensiveness or insecurity is not your responsibility, and it is never a reason for you to disappear or hurt yourself. Feeling confident, capable, or proactive does not make you deserving of rejection. In fact I see that it is your strength.

May I suggest to:

Keep communication with these two coworkers short, factual, and in writing

Minimise apologising for doing your job

If work keeps overlapping, involve a supervisor calmly and neutrally to clarify roles

Stay professional and gather evidence of specific examples to build a case in case you complain in future. The examples you record will also protect you in case the coworkers misrepresent what is actually occurring.

Please know your life is precious and you matter a million times more than this conflict.

Make your safety a top priority and call SOS hotline at once if you find your harmful thoughts are overwhelming you. Sending you much warmth and care!:yellow_heart:

1 Like
3

@user7009 thank you for sharing this with us, I agree with what @CaringBee has shared with you, and also say this very clearly and from the heart: you are not weak, broken, or wrong for feeling this way. What you’re experiencing is the result of prolonged stress, being dismissed, and carrying responsibility without support.

This is not just a “you problem.” Anyone in your position, trying to coordinate work while being ignored, contradicted, or spoken to aggressively, would feel frustrated and worn down. You were trying to do your job responsibly. Wanting acknowledgment, clarity, and communication is not “bossy”; it’s basic professionalism.

What stood out to me most is how quickly you turned all of this pain inward, taking all the blame, apologising just to keep the peace, and concluding that you should disappear or be alone forever. That tells me you’ve been carrying this pattern for a very long time, probably far beyond just this department. And I’m really sorry you’ve had to carry it alone.

I also want to gently but firmly say this: Other people’s insecurity, defensiveness, or poor communication is never a reason for you to harm yourself. Your confidence, competence, and maturity are not flaws even if they make some people uncomfortable. You do not need to shrink, suffer, or punish yourself to make others feel better.

I’m really grateful that safety was brought up already, because your life matters far more than this conflict. If the thoughts about hurting yourself come back strong or feel overwhelming, please reach out to someone you trust immediately. Getting support is not “losing”, it’s choosing yourself. :slight_smile:

For now, please be gentle with yourself. You don’t have to solve everything or decide anything today. Rest, breathe, and know that there are people who see your effort, your intention, and your worth even if the people around you right now don’t show it well.

1 Like