I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing

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I’ve decided to move to my grandmothers house instead of staying in my current toxic environment

For context :

Recently I’ve been arguing with my parents about how they treat my little brother as I felt that it wasn’t right and was too extreme. Once my mother slapped him till he had bruising on his cheekbecause he broke a squishy and there was the sticky substance around the house. I didn’t say anything but just witnessed it with my eyes as I was shocked. Recently we argued since she was using exercise as a punishment for him as he cut his sleeve on his uniform. It was a cut about perhaps 5cm long? And we argued as I told her not to do that anymore since my little brother did not know how to do a push up right but she simply brushed me away and said it’s not her problem, and that she’s the one punishing him. I walked past her and said that it was child abuse and that’s how it all started. Then my stepdad butted in and told me that from now on he’s rooming in my room and that they’ll see just how great I can parent him. I can’t take this anymore since my national exams are coming and I’ve been losing sleep over my little brothers snoring.

I recently put him back to his own room to sleep and sent a paragraph telling my parents that I’ve been losing sleep etc. they then replied with me having no authority in this house, how my mother failed at parenting and I’m the living proof of that failure, and that our relationship is strictly professional (?) now. She also said that I bit the hand that fed me and I don’t show that I’m grateful nor respectful.

Mind you, all this is happening now because for almost 15 years of my life I have been sucking up to her and not even voicing out. Now that I am like twice she has an issue with it. Sometimes I think that she is bipolar or actually evil.

They had also made a new phone line so I think my phone line isn’t getting paid for and will be cut by tomorrow.

I decided that if she doesn’t provide me with my daily MEAL money for the week and a new phone line, I’m moving to my grandmothers as my grandma is happy to pay for me and has a line with unlimited data just for me. I don’t feel loved nor cared for anymore but I don’t have time to sulk nor cry about it with n lvls just around the corner. Do you think it’s right for me to move out?

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Hi @secureviolet5974,

I want to start off by saying that it’s really brave of you to stand up for your brother. It takes a lot of courage to speak up, especially when you’ve spent so long staying quiet to keep the peace.

I do want to gently flag something though. What you described about your mother (the slapping that left bruising, using physical exercise as punishment) is concerning, and your brother deserves to be protected. If you feel comfortable, you can make a report online NAVH Reporting Form | FormSG or reach out to the National Anti-Violence Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000. They can advise you on what steps can be taken to help him.

It also sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now. Your N-Levels are coming up, you’ve been losing sleep, and on top of all that you’re dealing with so much tension at home. That’s genuinely a heavy load for anyone, let alone someone your age.

And it sounds like no matter how you try to communicate, you’re just not being heard. After 15 years of holding things in, finally speaking up, and being met with responses like that must be exhausting. Walking on eggshells for that long takes a real toll.

As for moving out, that’s not something I can advise you on directly since it’s a big decision with a lot of factors involved.. But it does sound like your grandmother is someone who genuinely cares for you and is ready to support you. One thing worth thinking about is, is there a way to have a proper conversation with her about all of this, so that she might be able to help communicate with your parents too? Having an adult in your corner who can speak on your behalf might make the transition smoother, and also means you’re not navigating this alone.