Can I have some courage on a Big Decision

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

Hey, to the people who saw this, thank you for reading this.

I’m going through a phase where I have already settled to move out of my toxic family for good, and not looking back. I need more encouragement on this as I took a long time to reach where I am right now.

I am sure that I do not want to provide for my parents as they have never taken care of me whilst the growth to adulthood. I am careful that I have taken down evidence that I have been neglected so that I am able to refute the “maintenance” should they sue me when they turn 60. (the law is true, you may search it up)

These are some of the things I noted:

Mom
⁃ messy house evidence (when she knew i was being bullied in dads house, she did not do anything to pack the house and give me a spot back to stay. I told her in dec 2023 and its june 2024, nothing has changed. She claimed she shifted a bed out for sleeping but its piled sky high with hoarded items)
⁃ did not support me financially ever since dec 2020 onwards (current check is june 2024)
⁃ a lot of psychological conflicts and dumping religious beliefs on me forcing me to follow and gaslight my own opinions.
⁃ make me wash all dishes every time I visit while everyone else chat at the table (honestly i can afford meals on my own and i dread going every time. and ya its my choice to not come anyway but i have never failed to pay my respect.)
⁃ Doesnt help me solve my problems even when i open up to her, might as well not tell her in the first place. Instead, she uses it as a source to gaslight me for what has happened to me. (She is NEVER happy for me, there’s always a snarky comment when i tell her my good news)

Dad
⁃ Stopped staying at the house im living in since nov 2023, only seen him during cny and its june 2024 havent seen him ever since.
⁃ Gives allowance but its delayed every time. (im a fulltime student)
⁃ Doesnt care when i tell him i was bullied by those women who are staying in the house. (They spit in my drinking water, spoiled a few furniture and blame it on me, harassed me daily that I wasted electricity, slamming of doors every chance they get especially at 5am, cursed profanities at me loudly telling me to go die) My dad did nothing to protect me from these hurt.
⁃ With agenda in mind, he took me out on meals but very rarely, just to snap photos and keep them as evidence to show that he is providing for me (i felt neglected during the yearly trip to jb as he always make me stay in the hotel room and hangs out one to one with his sidechick behind his gf back. Yup this father has a complicated character)
⁃ To count, i only meet with him to eat for less than 5 meals a year even tho im staying at his house.

Throughout my whole life, I have never flown overseas with my family. Not because they cant afford it, but because they rather not bring the children along. It’s really sad that not every parent love their children.

With all these said, I am ready to move out and I feel like the burden has lifted off my shoulders. I really hope I am not alone, I am sure there are many toxic families out there… and someone is struggling behind those closed doors…

And for those who have been hurt by your parents, you are not alone. Take care, and be brave.

For those admins that have to reply to every topic, pls don’t use chatgpt. We all sense it and it doesn’t feel genuine like what Mindlines Lets talk is supposed to preach. Pls, do better <3 with many love

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Hi @anonymous301 ! Thank you for sharing about the difficult situation with your parents.

It seems that there are clear signs of neglect/mistreatment , and you are totally valid in wanting distance from people that do not have your best interests in mind! I hope that moving out will be a step towards peace of mind and a better future for yourself. Now that you’ve come to this decision, what kind of support will you be looking out for in the journey ahead?

As to your last point, I can assure you that none of the professionals on the site use ChatGPT! Do you have any specific feedback about what works for you and what doesn’t? Always open to hearing about how we can do better!

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Hi @anonymous301 :wave:t4:

Firstly, thank you for your thoughtfulness to thank us for reading your post. Appreciating others is a great trait to have. Despite the pain and hurt you’ve experienced, your willingness to offer support to others who are also struggling in challenging home environments is truly praiseworthy! :clap:t4: :clap:t4:

I’m also grateful that you chose to share your experiences with us, even though some of our replies to others may not have resonated with you. Opening up and sharing vulnerably takes immense courage, let’s take a moment to acknowledge and celebrate your bravery in doing so. :+1:t4:

I’m truly sorry to hear about the incredible hardships you’ve faced within your family. No one should have to endure the kind of treatment you’ve described, especially from those who are supposed to provide love and support. It’s evident that you’ve been deeply hurt by their actions, and it’s completely understandable that you’re prioritising your own well-being and seeking a healthier environment.

It’s natural to feel fearful when making a decision as significant as leaving the shelter of your parents’ home. As Mark Twain once said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” Courage often coexists with fear, and it’s okay to acknowledge and validate those feelings too.

While I can’t give you courage like filling up a glass of water, what I can offer is a supportive space to explore and address your fears or any other emotions you may also be feeling. If you feel comfortable, please do share more about what fears you may have in making the decision to leave your parents’ shelter? Your thoughts and concerns are valid, and we’re here to listen and support you as best as we can. :slightly_smiling_face:

Take care,
CoolBreeze =)

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