My parents

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This is the thoughts I had yesterday.

So I’m going to try to explain this the best of my ability. SO I’m 20 years olds and I’m ready to move into a diffrent household. Ever since I was young theres always been screaming/yelling in the house. (I’ve also been involved into screaming and yelling). I’m not a perfect person. But, I feel like since there was a lot of screaming/yelling that turned me into a bad child. I also got whoopings when I was younger which i think turned into anger which made me scream and yell at my parents even when in some cases my parents were right I would still scream and yell at them even when I know I’m wrong like for example I dont get my way I scream and yell. In the household theres my mom, dad, me, and my sister. Me and my sister both got whoopings and I think right now my sister has anger issues and I think whoopings is part of the reason or it might be the main reason? I don’t know.. but I think her getting whoopings made my sister hate our parents. The reason why I thought about this is because theres still screaming that goes on in the household but no whoopings so I want to move out and I know I will eventually during the summer to move in with my auntie. Theres another thought but I dont know how to explain it.. I feel like moving out this house will make me a better person? I 100% dont scream as much as I use to.. but there was a time this year that I remeber screaming and it had something to do with my wisdom teeth.. but anyways. I feel like even if I move out.. idk how to explain it but like the screamer/yelling and me wont go away? or I feel like.. idk maybe you can help me with this. I dont think I have anger issues but I think my sister has them.

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Hey @user6114 ,

It’s good to hear from you again. It’s like you’re returning with a bit more clarity each time, even if the memories are still messy.

Growing up in a place where shouting was the main language… it really reads like no one showed you how to express yourself safely. When a kid only sees anger as the way people communicate, the body learns to either shout back or shut down. That’s not “being a bad child”; that’s adapting. And you’re right, your sister’s reactions make sense too. When both of you were receiving punishments, both of you learned the same fear… just expressed differently.

And this part where you said you don’t scream as much now… that feels important. It tells me something inside you is shifting. But the way you said “I feel like even if I move out, the screaming part in me won’t go away”… that fear was felt… lt’s like you’re scared that it shaped you too deeply. That fear itself is something you’ve been carrying for years, fear of expressing, fear of being wrong, fear of being loud again.

What I’m sensing is this: moving out gives you physical safety, but the emotional and psychological safety, that’s the part still locked inside. You didn’t get guidance on how to name fear, how to sit with anger, or how to express without raising your voice. Nobody taught you or your sister how to do that. So both of you learned to suppress, and suppression always finds its way back out.

I’m thinking, when your voice rises now, what meaning do you make?
Not to analyse you, just to understand what the yelling is trying to protect.

And honestly, this is where working with a counsellor or psychotherapist can support you. Not because something is “wrong” with you, but because you never got the chance to learn how to hold big feelings without exploding or shutting down.

Therapy helps you slowly recognise the emotions underneath, fear, anger, helplessness and expand your ability to sit with them. That’s emotional regulation, and it’s something you grow into, not something you’re expected to already know.

For now, you’re not the screaming kid anymore. You’re someone who’s trying to understand, trying to break a cycle, trying to become safer inside yourself. And that effort already tells me you’re on a very different path from the one you grew up in.

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I honestly don’t understand the question your asking.

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Hi @user6114, I was referring to this above… “I would still scream and yell at them even when I know I’m wrong like for example I dont get my way I scream and yell.”

What was the screaming and yelling about? even when you knew you were wrong. and you didnt get your way. Was screaming still helpful? How so? Why?

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So the screaming and yelling was about scheduling an appointment. I think I told my mom to cancel my wisdom teeth appointment (the day before I had to go)to get my teeth examined by a dentist since I was in pain & i ended up changing my mind the next day and I asked her to make another one and she got mad and wanted me to make the appointment but I didn’t want to so I got mad. That day I also drunk a good amount of children liquid medicine because I wanted to die. Yes I did get my way because she called my dad and I think she told my dad I was drinking medicine and that made my dad get off work and he came home and ended up calling the dental office and come to find out the appointment wasn’t canceled. But when my dad got home I was in the bathroom and he kept trying to come in and open the door and I was pushing the door but he kept opening it a good amount because he’s much stronger than me so I got mad and I THINK I was yelling at him telling him to stop..

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From what you have described, it looks like you were struggling to get both your parents to listen to you. And likewise for you to listen to them.

What do you think is happening? The screaming and yelling seems to come from this… No one seems to be listening to one another.

How do you feel about this? What meaning do you make of it? What were you truly looking for?

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(post deleted by author)

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From my mom I was looking for her to schedule me another appointment (this was before finding out it wasn’t actually canceled. I guess my mom did call to cancel it but the dental office did something wrong on their end so it wasn’t canceled?) I just wanted my dad to leave me alone..

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When you said, “I just wanted my dad to leave me alone”, it says a lot more than the words themselves. It sounds like in that moment, you weren’t trying to win an argument or get your way… you were trying to protect yourself from feeling overwhelmed again. And when someone grows up around yelling, the body gets used to bracing for impact. Even a small moment can feel too much.

What you were really needing, from both your mom and dad, wasn’t just the appointment. It was for someone to slow down with you, hear what you were feeling, and give you a sense of safety. That inner need… that’s your longing showing up. Wanting comfort, wanting someone to be on your side, wanting the pressure to ease off for a moment. That yearning is not wrong or childish, it’s a sign of your self-worth trying to surface, even if it came out through anger back then.

When I read your words now, it feels like the younger you weren’t being dramatic… you were scared, confused, and didn’t know how to say, “I need help” in a calmer way because nobody taught you how. And the version of you today, the one looking back and trying to understand, that already shows growth. It shows your inner world trying to move toward peace, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.

I’m wondering something softly…
When you think about that moment now, what do you think the younger you was really hoping someone would do for you?, the emotional part.

You’re not just talking about the past. You’re building awareness of what you’ve always needed: understanding, patience, and a space where you don’t have to yell to feel like you matter. Moving out can give you physical quiet… but this inner quiet, this sense of being worthy of care, that’s the piece you’re already beginning to create inside yourself.

We can take this slowly. The fact that you’re reflecting like this is already the first step toward that inner peace you’re looking for. Let me know what you think and feel?

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(post deleted by author)

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Well before my dad got home and called and found out it wasn’t canceled, I just wanted my mom to schedule me another appointment. I notice you using the word “younger”. I was an i think 19 or 20 so I can see why she would want me to schedule my own appointment.

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Do you mind sharing? What did you mean when you said “why she would want me to schedule my own appointment?”

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(post deleted by author)

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I was saying since Im a grown adult I should be able to schedule my own appointment without her helping me

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Hey @user6114

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about your own expectations. My intention for asking was to gently help you locate and unlock the anger…

If I may ask, whenever you feel ready to respond…about what you said

“at that time, you wanted your mum to re-schedule but instead you now think your mum was expecting you to reschedule yourself”

What were you feeling then? And comparing to now, what are you feeling now?

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Right now I feel wrong for what I did and should’ve just rescheduled it. During that time I was just mad because I didn’t wanna reschedule it. My anger made me want to die by suicide so I said f it imma kill myself and I drunk liquid medicine. But I guess I didn’t drink enough because I didn’t have any side effects.

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Hey, thanks for sharing how vulnerable you were. You were struggling with ways to express your anger.

And it came across as anger stemming from no one truly heard you.

You didn’t want to reschedule it.

You could have stood your ground to defend what you wanted… But it didn’t turn out the way you expected it …

Why do you feel wrong about this?

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I feel wrong about this because I got upset that I didn’t get my way which is wrong.

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Thanks for sharing your thoughts so openly and honestly. When I read what you said, I sensed some sadness… do pardon me if I am wrong?

But all that is in the past now, which you have reflected and you now have a different perspective.

Is there something else that you would like to understand better about yourself?