Basically im talking to this girl from the oppisitie side of the country and i feel like im chasing somthing that isnt there by trying to have a talking stage but we barley know eachother and she lives abt 4 hours away from me. And i feel like ever since my ex broke up with me ive been chasing for a girls love bcs she treated me so horribly for so long by dragging me along when she didnt love me and could just abt tolorate me.
So idk what to do with myself anymore cus i like the girl but idk if im chasing somthing or if i should continue.
Hey @DavidDavido I just want to say that what you are feeling makes a lot of sense. It sounds really confusing and heavy, wanting connection after a difficult breakup, feeling drawn to someone far away, and questioning whether your feelings are real. Your emotions are completely valid. You are not chasing nothing, and you are not faking anything. You are just human, processing past hurt and trying to figure out what feels right now.
It is okay to take a step back and give yourself permission to breathe and reflect. You do not have to have all the answers right away, and you deserve to feel safe and secure in your choices. Your heart and mind are trying to protect you, and listening to both is important. Whatever you decide, whether to continue talking to her or focus on yourself, it is okay. You deserve patience, care, and kindness from yourself just as much as from anyone else.
hey @DavidDavido, thank you for opening up and sharing all this. it honestly sounds like you’re carrying a lot of emotional weight right now, and i just want to say that everything you’re feeling is completely valid.
it makes sense that after going through a painful breakup, you’re left questioning what’s real and what’s worth holding onto. being treated poorly by someone you cared about can really shake your sense of what love should feel like, and it can leave you searching for something, anything, that feels safe, real, or desired. you’re not alone in that.
about this new girl… it’s okay to feel confused. liking someone but also feeling unsure is such a human experience. and long-distance connections can be tough, especially when you’re already feeling vulnerable. it’s completely okay to not have all the answers right now, and to take your time figuring out what’s right for you. in fact, i’d encourage you to take things slowly, and to regularly check in with yourself – to ask if this connection is making you feel seen, valued, and at peace, or if it’s stirring up more anxiety than comfort.
whatever you decide, you deserve to be with someone who chooses you fully and treats you with care – NOT someone who makes you feel like you’re chasing their love. that kind of connection does exist, even if it doesn’t feel close right now.
you’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to still be healing. please be gentle with yourself, okay? you’ve got this
It feels like doubt is pressing down on your self-esteem. Thanks for openly sharing about how your ex dragged you along, tolerated you but never really loved you… that kind of treatment leaves a bad taste, makes faith in others shaky, especially when your openness got used against you.
And now with this new girl 4 hours away, you’re caught between liking her and fearing you’re just repeating the same chase. That mix of shame and fear is normal after what you’ve been through, but the fact you’re even willing to try again also shows courage… that you’re not closed off, you’re still open to learning that not every encounter will turn out horrible.
maybe for now, instead of rushing to decide whether to continue or stop, you could slow down and ask yourself: what is it about this girl that you actually like? have you noticed any commonalities…shared interests, conversations that make you feel lighter? or is it more the comfort of having someone there?
If you could pause for a bit with those questions, it can already help you tell apart what’s about her and what’s about the leftover hurt from before. How are you feeling?
Thank you for sharing something so personal. It sounds like you are being really honest with yourself about how you feel, and that takes a lot of courage. Wanting connection after being hurt is completely natural, but it also makes sense that you are questioning whether you are truly building something real with this new girl or if you are trying to fill the emptiness left by your past relationship. Long distance and starting from very little can be challenging, and it may help to slow down and ask yourself what you truly want and what feels healthy for you right now. You deserve love that is steady and genuine, and giving yourself time to heal and figure out your own needs first might make it clearer whether this is worth pursuing or if your energy would be better spent on yourself.
