i am starting to really hate my self and wanna kms . my family always calls me fat , stupid , dumb , smelly , ect im fele im now stupid and i always ask myself why am i here and what if i js die would they even care? im js here bs my friends are supporting me . plus i keep on getting pissed off on the random smallest things , i hate it . sometimes i lay on mbed and vent out my feelings but then my other side of my brain takes control smth like that and says like im joking and i should win a oscar for that preformance. it isnt. bye i guess,
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Hey!
First off, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings here. That must have taken you some courage. It sounds really tough, and I would first like to affirm you for your strength thus far. You don’t deserve being called such degrading words, and I hope you’re feeling okay 
perhaps it might help if your have a sit down conversation, heart to heart talk, with your family and let them know your thoughts and feelings. I believe you’re strong enough to do that. Don’t give up, okay? Hold on, things will get better soon. Your friends are rooting for you, and let their love carry you through this period of time. You got this, just hold on!
Hi @wholeheartedstarfish3972 ,
It seems like the things said at home have been repeated enough that they are starting to sound like your own thoughts.
You also shared that your friends are supporting you. That matters. It shows you are able to connect with people who see you differently, and you have been listening to that support.
The irritability you mentioned, getting angry at small things, usually builds up over time. When there isn’t a safe way to express what is happening, it tends to come out in smaller moments.
That part where you said your mind tells you that you are “joking” or acting, it can be a way to distract yourself from the thoughts. It might seem harmless, but over time it can make your feelings feel less valid, and that can leave you feeling smaller.
What you are feeling is not a joke.
At home, being called names like that is not something to ignore. Wanting to feel safe where you live is reasonable.
If you feel ready, you can try expressing it in a simple way when it happens, such as “that hurts” or “please don’t say that.” It does not need to be a long explanation. The focus is on letting your voice be present.
If that feels too difficult, it is okay to take more time before doing that.
When the thoughts become too much, it would help to speak to someone outside your immediate circle as well. You can contact Mindline 1771. You can just start by saying how you feel without needing to organise everything.
When your friends support you, what feels different compared to when you are at home?
We can take this step by step.