I just got my results for my end of semester exams in poly,I expected myself to have another mental breakdown,instead I just feel empty,like I have for the previous term,but more,nothing feels fully real anymore, my aspirations and inspiration to continue studying for a industry feels like it’s fading out after going through ITE, then now,it just feels like “nothing”,oh I failed two modules. Well,I’m ■■■■■■ for the rest of my poly life if I can’t get myself moving, I told myself that last term, but it failed. It,really does seem like a bad dream at this point in time for me. Like the enthusiastic part of me in ITE has left,and is replaced by a failure.
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Must been tough @user027278 while referral by Polyclinic for subsidised therapy sessions by a professional (if choose to seek outside counselling and not school one), though you will also experience many things which made you aware how your school and life experience may vary and differ from the common experience of others, and at school or life, where things may be more than yourself may seek understanding, kindly advise to take notes and document your interpretations, thoughts and feelings on a journal (which you can self soothe interim prior to seeking counselling, and you may even choose to share your journal entries with your counsellor upon beginning your counselling) you may carry this journal with you wherever you are and with this journal you can express yourself however you enjoy, if you appreciate art you can create something you see from YouTube videos (ie origami paper folding, kirigami paper cutting on YouTube) stick something you enjoy creating into your journal and if it’s music, you can recite the music lyrics from YouTube videos and jot down quotes or entire lyrics into your journal,
Just wondering whether you have ever opened up to your family or your parent, or at least a close member of family, about yourself and your sense of hopelessness and helplessness, with your way of imbalance of expectations and experiences with school and life,
If you ever see to care to share with your family, your parent or your close family member, why not, since sharing brings with its own sense of solidarity with someone youre sharing close companionship with, and your family, your parent or your close family member happens to be someone you share close companionship and why not ever to see your way of imbalance of expectation and experience with school and life from another one way, maybe your family, your parent or your close family member views your life in a wholly different way from which you see it, your family, your parent or your close family member may even disclose whether your family, your parent or your close family member themselves enjoys living the way they do, and how their experiences may enrich, enliven or enlighten you, or you could voice and bounce to and fro ideas with your family, your parent or your close family member, maybe your family, your parent or your close family member is open to giving you timely check ins as interim prior to your seeking counselling via Polyclinic referral, or together with interim check ins something sort of a brainstorming session to target your weak points and if necessary, engage tutors or teachers or seek professionals outside of school to guide and advise with your tuition and learning outside school, and you can from there ease and expand your strengths closing shortcomings,
If cannot afford tuition, I sure believe your family, your parent or your close family member understands yourself better than anyone of us here, kindly advise checking in with your family, your parent or your close family member, even way after you’ve tuned into your family, your parent or your close family member, and attained baseline on how your family, your parent or your close family member feels about your school and life, to gradually, routinely and habitually checking in and updating your family, your parent or your close family member with your life updates, I’m sure they are grateful, thankful and happy seeing youre opening yourself up, as well as how youre absorbing, gaining, learning and leveraging what youre learning from other experiences with others, other skills and other ideas, and giving yourself another one chance to living life in your own way, space and time,
Kindly update on your progress, growth and lessons youre learning, and importantly, all and one and I myself is believing of yourself and who you are and keep going, youre already halfway on your self discovery, self reckoning and recovery journey since you’ve identified with your imbalance of expectation and experience with school and life, and remember theres nothing to worry, if it is solvable, worry resolves nothing and all is solvable, and if it is not something youre seeking to solve, theres another one way putting your thinking cap, that since theres nothing needing solving, then there’s no worry, and it’s more than common to find all and one individually going about their day as well as at their own way, space and time, once again, keep us on your current update
Hey @user027278,
Thanks for sharing, it doesn’t come across like you stopped caring. It feels more like you’ve gone a bit numb after things didn’t go the way you expected.
Sometimes when disappointment repeats, the mind reduces how much you feel. It’s not that the emotions are not there, but they get muted so it’s easier to get through the day.
You also mentioned this happened last term. When you’ve already tried to push yourself and it didn’t work, it can make it harder to try again. That’s usually where self-doubt starts to build.
You were quite clear about the difference between how you were in ITE and how things feel now. That version of you is still part of you. It just doesn’t feel accessible at the moment.
The shift from ITE to poly can be quite big. Different pace, different expectations, less structure. If things didn’t feel stable or you didn’t find your footing, it can affect how you approach your work and how you see yourself.
If you’re okay to share, what felt different for you in poly compared to ITE? Was there a point where things started to feel off?
And when you think about ITE, what were some of the moments where you felt things were working for you?
No need to figure everything out now. It may help to first understand what changed, instead of concluding that you’ve lost that part of yourself.