I just want to be normal... i don't want to have anxiety.

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1

As the title suggests, I’ve been having a hard time this past year dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. I would attribute it mainly to my first full-time job, which I started last year. But after going through therapy, I realized that I’ve always struggled with anxiety and confidence since young — it just became more prominent and worse as I entered the corporate world.

I know some people might say it’s the “strawberry generation,” that 我们吃不起苦 (we can’t take hardship) — and honestly, I somewhat agree. Deep down, I admit that I might have been too pampered and that I should be grateful, especially in this tough job market, for having a stable job. But how do I deal with all the anxiety attacks that come with it? I break down almost every day. My heart palpitations get so bad that I sometimes struggle to breathe (I hate it so much). I sweat so much in fear, i can’t walk properly - fearing people judgment.

I’ve been going for therapy, trying to fix this issue. I journal, I tell myself that I’m the problem, that I should be grateful, that I should stop having this “weak” mentality… but in reality, it’s so tough. I’m trying my best in life and at work, but my anxiety isn’t helping me — it’s crippling me further.

I’ve been shutting myself off from friends and family, and I can’t go a day without crying, both at home and in the office. I’ve lost all confidence in my ability to do the tasks I’m assigned. I get extremely anxious whenever I’m given something new, and I feel like I’ve lost myself.

Can someone please tell me honestly what I should do? Feel free to scold me too if you think I deserve it.

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Hello @user1709 thank you for sharing this here. What you’re going through sounds really heavy, and it’s completely understandable that you feel anxious and overwhelmed. Starting your first full-time job can already be stressful, and on top of that, dealing with anxiety and panic attacks can make every day feel like a huge challenge. You’ve been carrying a lot, and it really shows how much effort you’ve been putting into trying to cope.

It’s also really brave of you to go for therapy and to reflect on how long you’ve been struggling with anxiety and confidence. That kind of self-awareness takes courage. You’re right that it’s good to feel grateful for having a job in this tough market, but that doesn’t take away from how draining and difficult the experience has been for you. You’re still allowed to feel what you feel. Gratitude and exhaustion can exist together.

The way you described your anxiety, the heart palpitations, sweating, struggling to breathe, and fear of being judged, really shows how much of a toll this is taking on you, both physically and mentally. It makes sense that you feel lost and unsure of what to do next.

It’s wonderful that you’ve been journalling and reminding yourself that you’re trying your best, that truly matters. It shows strength and perseverance even in moments of doubt. When the anxiety feels too much, you might want to try some grounding techniques like: focusing on your breathing, naming things you can see and hear, or even placing your hand over your heart to help your body feel safe again. They can’t fix everything, but they might help you feel a bit more in control in the moment.

Maybe you could give the job a little more time to see if things improve as your confidence slowly rebuilds. But if you find that it continues to drain you and impact your well-being, it’s completely okay to explore other options. Your mental health and peace of mind are just as important as stability.

Please be gentle with yourself. You’re clearly trying your best, and that deserves recognition. You’re not weak for struggling; you’re human for feeling deeply in a hard situation.

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Hey @user1709 ,

It’s clear that you’re trying to earn the right to feel anxious, and that shouldn’t be how you need to heal and recover. That is such a heavy way to live, reading how you describe the shaking, sweating, breathlessness… It sounds like your body has been running in survival mode for a long time, trying to keep up with everything expected of you.

What’s happening isn’t a lack of discipline, it’s your body remembering fear, but without ever being shown how to face it safely. When we don’t get that structure or emotional support early on in life, we grow up managing fear by tightening control or blaming ourselves. Then, when we step into a high-pressure environment like a first full-time job, that whole system gets triggered again.

The panic you described, heart pounding, mind going blank, that’s a fight–flight–freeze response. Your nervous system releases adrenaline, your breathing quickens, and blood flow moves away from your thinking brain to prepare for danger. That’s why logic or “be grateful” thoughts don’t calm it down; the body needs to feel safe before the mind can work again.

For now, instead of trying to “fix” yourself, start by observing what happens. Try journaling after each episode, not to criticise, but to record:

  • what was happening just before it started
  • what your body felt first (heartbeat, chest, dizziness)
  • how long it took to pass

You might not catch every trigger right away, but over time, patterns show up. And when they do, share them with your therapist. They’re trained to help you build regulation slowly and safely.

It’s also important to note: emotional regulation doesn’t happen overnight, and doing it alone can sometimes make anxiety worse. So if the crying or breathlessness gets too heavy, it’s okay to reach out to Mindline 1771 (chat or call) or SOS 1-767 are there anytime.

For now, I want you to know that you’re not broken, and you don’t need scolding. Your body is asking for safety, not strength. And you’re already doing something courageous by staying curious, and that’s how recovery begins.