i am really tired of life but not courageous enough to take my own life. i can only think of hoping someone/something will take my life. i know that sounds really pathetic, i think i am too. i’ve tried seeking help, but have since stopped my medications and ghosted on my counsellor. yes i am the problem, yes i don’t deserve to be whining but i really don’t know anymore.
why does living have to be so painful and difficult. as ungrateful as this sounds, why am i even given a shot in life
Hey, im u but i did attempt once. It was too physically painful to do that n i rather die of old age now. Why did ur meds n counselling not help, try a therapist instead? I feel that u r at the point where u need someone to make sure that u go for ur counselling at least. Lastly, whats making u feel suicidal?
Thank you for logging in to share your difficulty.
It seems like you are going through lots of mental pain that make you feel helpless and hopeless in life. I also hear that you have stopped taking medication and seeing your counsellor, which you shouldn’t be doing. You are facing so much difficulty to experience good feelings. I hear you, you are not the problem, instead you have a problem to resolve !
You mentioned about taking medication, and if that is for Depression (I might be wrong), then there might be a reason why you are experiencing so much emotional pain. One of the depression symptom is unable to experience good feelings. When an unhappy event happened (even of very low unhappiness rating), the mind could intensify the low unhappiness to become depressive. I do believe that there might be reasons for you to stop the medication and counselling, as I understand from many mental health patients that the side effects resulted from the medications can be unbearable. However, combing medications and psychotherapy is important to help you to experience good feelings again.
Perhaps you can consider to explore the following which other mental patients did, to help you to restart taking your medications:
if side effects from the medications are unbearable, you can consult your psychiatrist to change to other medicines that may be more suitable for you. As there are so many types of medication available, there is likely to be one that suits you.
Counselling is usually helpful after taking medications as you are able to think clearly, and so will benefit from attending the sessions better. You can consider to speak to more than 1 counsellor before deciding who you are comfortable to work with your issues.
Speak to hospital social worker if it concerns financial issues.
If there is issue of commuting to see a counsellor, you can also discuss with the counsellor to have a mix of online and in-person sessions. On days that you have bouts of depressive symptoms and don’t feel like going out, at least have an online session rather than missing the session.
I sincerely hope that you can reconsider taking your medications again as not taking the medications might trigger the symptoms as described in your sharing. Your life is precious, and you are worthy of a healthy life.
Having shared the above, I understand that there might also be other reasons in your life that triggered your thought of wanting to hurt yourself, but it was not shared in this post. Therefore, please drop in again to share if you need more support. Take good care !