Recently I’ve been consumed by my emotions a lot and most of it is at night.I just started poly after having undiagnosed depression in a decent secondary school which caused me to get into a low point required course so I really want to try to work hard.The problem is that I have not studied for real since sec 1 and I have completely forgotten how to study and how to know what you studied is effective.This is one of the problems.Another problem is a friend of mine that entered jc.He has troubles making friends and he often comes out with me at night to eat and talk.The problem is I would consider myself to be introverted so now I start to dread our outings as I really don’t want to go out at all or even joke around and quite frankly I don’t want to deal with the mockery I get when I talk about what is happening on my life right now like how my family is also having problems and how I don’t really have any new friends in poly.I used to also have pretty severe social anxiety that tends to act up now and then which results in me overthinking a lot and fidgeting when I’m in a public setting.My main problem right now is concerning my best friend that I lost in sec 2 after I started getting my undiagnosed depression at the end of sec 2 which caused me to skip school until June of sec 3 after which I came to school but not class.I miss her alot because she really made me feel heard and I had a lot of fun texting with her even though she was a girl.However she had bad past experiences with ghosting and I pretty much did that when I just disappeared unexplained because of my undiagnosed depression and during the time we’ve been apart I can see that she has made new friends but I still miss him what we had but I’m scared she would hate me after I ghosted her so I keep wanting to start the txt with hi I’m kinda drunk right now but that’s a clear lie as I’m not drinking and I just want to use that so I can be open with my emotions so would really like some advice about that because I have been right on the doorstep of a breakdown for 6 months now
feeling bad for you. im sorry youre going through this right now. i can tell that you are in a hard situation right now. i have lost friends before so i know how it feels like to miss someone. i also struggle with depression. is it possible for you to get medication for depression? also you can try to inform your teachers or go to the school counselor for extra support. those might help. i hope you feel better soon. take care
Hey! Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot all at once, and I can imagine how difficult that must feel. I’m really glad you’re still holding on—there’s strength in that, even if it doesn’t always feel like it.
If you’d like someone to listen, please feel free to reach out anytime. I’d really be happy to be there for you.
Just a gentle encouragement too—try taking things one step at a time. When everything comes in at once, it can feel overwhelming and cloud how we’re really feeling. Giving yourself space and time can help you slowly understand what your heart truly needs. You don’t have to figure everything out all at once 
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Hey @user691434 ,
You shared that you’ve been feeling this way for about 6 months, and that most of the emotions come up at night. That sounds tiring to carry for so long, especially while adjusting to a new environment in poly.
I am concerned for you, since this has been going on for quite a while, it might help not to manage it alone. If there is a trusted adult, or a school counsellor in your poly, having someone to talk to regularly can help you sort through this alongside with you. If that feels hard, you can also reach out to the National Mindline (1771) to talk things through and get some guidance.
From what you described, there are a few things happening at the same time.
With school, it seems like you’re trying to restart studying after a long gap. That can feel confusing, not because you’re not capable, but because the study skills were interrupted. Studying usually involves understanding the content, being able to recall it, and checking if it is effective. I’m wondering, when you sit down to study, is the difficulty more about understanding the content, or remembering it later?
With your friend from JC, it sounds like you were trying to support him, but the outings became draining for you. Being more introverted, and with social anxiety coming back at times, being in those situations can feel uncomfortable. Avoiding them can feel like the safer option, especially if you’re worried about being judged or mocked.
You also shared about your best friend from Sec 2. It sounds like that friendship meant a lot to you, especially feeling heard and understood. Losing that connection, and knowing you disappeared during a difficult period, seems to come with both regret and fear. You want to reach out, but you’re also worried about how she might respond. If you think about it, what feels more difficult, the fear of her reaction, or the feeling of explaining what happened?
At the same time, it seems like there is a bit of a push and pull. Part of you wants connection again, but another part of you is trying to protect yourself from being judged or rejected. So staying more isolated can feel safer, even if it also feels lonely.
You also mentioned having undiagnosed depression before. I want to check in gently in the past few months, were there any moments where you felt even slightly interested or okay? What were you doing then?
For now, a few small steps that might help:
- For the emotions at night, try to notice if they are already building during the day. Even short pauses to write things down or acknowledge what you’re feeling can reduce the intensity later.
- For studying, start small. Focus on one topic, and check whether you understand it or can recall it. It’s okay if it takes time to rebuild this.
- For your JC friend, it is okay to set some limits on how often you meet. Supporting someone should not leave you feeling drained all the time.
- For your best friend, you don’t have to rush into sending a message. It may help to first get clearer about what you want to say and what you’re feeling.
You’ve been trying to manage school, friendships, and your own emotions at the same time. It makes sense that it feels heavy. Maybe we can take this one part at a time first.
Thank you for your advice.I will try to address the questions you have kindly given me
Firstly,I think I am above average in terms of smartness,so it’s not really the understanding that frustrates me.When I sit down and study,I either start fidgeting intensely or my mind starts wandering to other thoughts.The most critical factor here is that I am constantly doubting the effectiveness of my studying as I don’t feel smarter or remember better after I study which makes me think I’m doing something wrong in the process as something is supposed to be gained after studying.
Secondly,I think I am still being very supportive of my jc friend,offering my role as a listening ear and trying to give him constructive advice without any explicit criticism.However,he is what most people would call a queer person.He struggles to fit in as he doesn’t really know how to read the room and adapt to it.He also speaks mostly without thinking and without considering societal norms which makes his sentences seem weird most of the time.I have been extremely considerate of him so far,taking note of all his insecurities and discomforts and accommodating to him without him really noticing as it is mostly small gestures that one doesn’t really tend to notice.He however due to his inability to think before he speaks has offended me multiple times with topics I have clearly expressed my discomfort towards and doesn’t seem to feel the need to change as he just says that I’m too sensitive or that it isn’t that serious.He has also spoken about some private things I have told him in the middle of a conversation with others just to carry on the conversation.I usually just pretend nothing’s wrong and laugh it off but I feel quite uncomfortable about it as it is mostly about my trauma.He is however a good person and I don’t want to leave him by himself as he needs someone to help him out.
Thirdly,I still really really miss my sec 2 female friend.I have recently went through our Whatsapp chat logs and it really hit me how close we were.I feel really worried for her as she as a student has entered the same below average polytechnic that I am in.I have seen her 3 times around school but I usually try to avoid any contact like taking a different route or pretending to look at something else instead.She is kind of boyish and she has stated in our chats back in sec 2 that she doesn’t really fit in well with the girls and that what limited friends she has usually forms their own mini groups within their group and she usually gets left out despite being part of a friend group.This is really important as I have seen her in this friend group back in sec 2 and she looked like she completely fit in.This shows how well hidden it can be which makes me more worried.This worries me as I have seen her in her own new friend group and I’m worried that this is happening again as she doesn’t really vent to anyone as she is usually the listener.I have also seen her liking some sad Instagram reels and I’m really worried for her.I think this may be amplified by the fact that I started developing slight feelings for her during sec 4 which I dismissed really quickly.I also don’t want to be too late in reaching out that she would be annoyed at me because I was texting quite a lot back in sec 3 which she may have been annoyed at but didn’t tell me as she wanted to be considerate.
Fourthly,about my undiagnosed depression.I would like to expand on this a little.This started during the middle of sec 2 with growing intensity until it peaked from sec 3 to mid sec 4 after which it never really disappeared and I continued to carry it with me.Recently I have gotten a lot better but it came in the form of waves of intense sadness instead of constant blandness in life.I feel normal when doing things and even happy when doing things I like but once external factors like fatigue or a scene that triggers a memory affects me the waves hit me.