Recently I’ve been consumed by my emotions a lot and most of it is at night.I just started poly after having undiagnosed depression in a decent secondary school which caused me to get into a low point required course so I really want to try to work hard.The problem is that I have not studied for real since sec 1 and I have completely forgotten how to study and how to know what you studied is effective.This is one of the problems.Another problem is a friend of mine that entered jc.He has troubles making friends and he often comes out with me at night to eat and talk.The problem is I would consider myself to be introverted so now I start to dread our outings as I really don’t want to go out at all or even joke around and quite frankly I don’t want to deal with the mockery I get when I talk about what is happening on my life right now like how my family is also having problems and how I don’t really have any new friends in poly.I used to also have pretty severe social anxiety that tends to act up now and then which results in me overthinking a lot and fidgeting when I’m in a public setting.My main problem right now is concerning my best friend that I lost in sec 2 after I started getting my undiagnosed depression at the end of sec 2 which caused me to skip school until June of sec 3 after which I came to school but not class.I miss her alot because she really made me feel heard and I had a lot of fun texting with her even though she was a girl.However she had bad past experiences with ghosting and I pretty much did that when I just disappeared unexplained because of my undiagnosed depression and during the time we’ve been apart I can see that she has made new friends but I still miss him what we had but I’m scared she would hate me after I ghosted her so I keep wanting to start the txt with hi I’m kinda drunk right now but that’s a clear lie as I’m not drinking and I just want to use that so I can be open with my emotions so would really like some advice about that because I have been right on the doorstep of a breakdown for 6 months now
feeling bad for you. im sorry youre going through this right now. i can tell that you are in a hard situation right now. i have lost friends before so i know how it feels like to miss someone. i also struggle with depression. is it possible for you to get medication for depression? also you can try to inform your teachers or go to the school counselor for extra support. those might help. i hope you feel better soon. take care