I would like to get this out of my chest. Around 3 years ago, a guy I hadn’t spoken to in over a decade messaged me out of nowhere. A few days later, I saw on the news that he’d died tragically in a car accident. He’d lost control of his car while driving home from a funeral, and his body wasn’t found right away.
I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that it might not have been an accident. Why reach out after ten plus years of silence only days before? And coming back from a funeral of all things. The last post from his account was years ago too. That question has been bothering me ever since, and now I don’t think I’ll ever know.
Hi @TrustYourself thank you for sharing!
That’s a heavy thing to carry for three years and not-knowing is its own kind of grief 
it makes sense that it’s stayed with you…
The questions you’re asking are natural ones especially when someone reaches out after a long silence and then dies shortly after, it’s natural that our mind will tend to look for meaning in that sequence. It’s hard not to!
And tbh with you, it seems like you probably won’t get a definitive answer, and that’s a genuinely painful to sit with.. Also, I do want to gently tell you this in case you are blaming yourself: even if your instinct is right, the responsibility for what happened was never yours! You received a message. You didn’t know what it might mean. Nobody could have. So, please don’t blame yourself ya
Right now, I’m more curious about how you’ve been holding this? Three years is a long time to carry something like this largely alone.. I’m wondering if you have spoken to someone about this? Sometimes the weight of unresolved grief like this is worth bringing up to someone who can sit with you in it properly, not just to find answers, but to help you find a way to live alongside the uncertainty!
I feel somewhat guilty even though I know it’s not my fault. I did share with a few closed friends and family, but I never tell them exactly how I felt. My family don’t want to hear about this because they’re superstitious. While the friends I do talk about are just two people I’m closed with. I do have more friends but I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to talk too deeply about it with them.
What really bothers me was how he died at the time. I cannot imagine someone I know from secondary school to have died tragically before his 30s, and to have not been found for days after no less. The other which bothers me was his message, what did he want to chat shortly before his death? At that time I didn’t reply because it has been over a decade, but I never thought his greeting would be the last time I heard from him. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it was too much of a coincidence. I wasn’t closed with him at all, and to have crash after driving from a funeral and in a secluded area. I just can’t help but feel there may’ve been more to the accident. His last message to me was also unusual, he ask whether I still remembered him. I know I’ll never know what happens but thinking about it does make me sad. I try my best not to let it bother me, but at the back of my mind.
I hear where you are coming from @TrustYourself … Given how things turned out, it’s hard to not feel guilty let alone wondering the real cause/reason and coming to terms with it. I think that’s alot of unresovled thread for you to hold on to.
I do want to gently push back a little on the part where you mentioned about you trying your best to not let it bother you. I don’t think trying not to let it bother you is quite the right frame, if I’m being honest. I believed some things deserve to bother us but the question is, whether the weight of it is something managable or whether it’s been quietly wearing on us in ways that affect your day-to-day life.
That being said right, it might be a good idea to speak to professional (eg., face to face counsellor) about this!