I feel like I have been losing touch with myself and I feel really anxious while doing the most easiest of things, like going to school, talking with my friends, talking to my parents and my family. I am about to get my board results Tom and I’m feeling really worried about that. My family isn’t giving me the easiest time as my dad and I got into a huge fight, same with my sister. My sister and my mom are not talking anymore to each other. At school I feel like things with my friends are going haywire. I have a friend 1 who I hung out with a lot last year and really got to know me. Yet she says things to me that she knows I don’t like to be called that (it’s related to me being dumb, but these are more harsher way of saying it) after that incident I stopped talking with her and ghosted her for a month as it was giving me anxiety and I didn’t know how to feel about that. Maybe I did that out of spite, I really have no clue. My friend 2 is pissed at me cause I didn’t tell her something the friend 1 had told me. It was about my friend 1 talking with friend 2”s ex. I knew friend 1 was wrong but I didn’t want to get between them so I didn’t tell friend 2. However I did tell friend 1 to tell friend 2 that she was doing it as it would be better for her to tell her herself. Anyways my dad and I got into a fight too where one day I fell down from playing horse polo and injured my inner thighs, yet when I came in the car I was holding myself from crying and when I came inside I let myself cry. Now the first thing I expected my dad to say was “are u ok?” Yet he says, “did u cry like this infront of everyone?” With no sympathy. I got pissed but I kept my mouth shut knowing he is the type to lecture me after every mistake I make and tell me to think practically and always tell me I’m doing something wrong. I already had low confidence in polo as I was good long ago but when I got into a higher level and took a month break to focus on studies I became bad. This turned into a big thing where he ended up saying he will not be allowing me to go to polo anymore. Where I was heartbroken. He then proceeds to leave the house while I went to shower without any apology anything. I stopped talking to him like I liked having him around anymore. I could tell he hated it but I didn’t. I thought I was teaching him a lesson but idt I did. My sister has been getting on my nerves as well with every single thing she says as she always ruins my mood by saying something judgmental. My dad keeps unintentionally giving me so much pressure when it comes to anything even studies. Pls help me understand why I feel like this and what is wrong with my brain.
Dear @user9551
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experiences. Please know that what you are feeling does not mean something is wrong with you. I believe this is what happens when someone has been under a lot of pressure for a long time without feeling emotionally supported.
I think that you are having too many things piling up at once: board results, family fights, feeling judged instead of comforted, problems with friends, and losing polo when you were already low.
I have observed that when all these challenges come together, our human mind stays on edge constantly. That would be contributing to why normal things like talking, going to school, being around people suddenly feel exhausting and scary. It’s anxiety from overload and not weakness.
Understandably you felt pain by the way your dad responded when you were hurt. Wanting care and getting criticism instead hurts deeply for anyone, especially when it happens often. I believe you pulled way to protect yourself.
With your friends, I believe you didn’t act out of malice. You were overwhelmed and trying to avoid more conflict. Ghosting and withdrawing are common when anxiety gets heavy.
You’re not “losing yourself.” You’re tired, hurt, and carrying more than you should have to. Nothing is wrong with your brain, it’s just overwhelmed.
Please be gentle with yourself right now. If you can, talk to a safe adult or counsellor soon, it will help you unpack and process what’s going on in a safe non judgmental environment. Please know you are not alone in this so keep reaching out whenever needed.