I think i need help

so the thing about being okie is that what defines being okie? is it having a stable income, relationships, activities etc??

I though i was okie. enrolled in school to get my diploma, formed healthy friendships, participated in school events. Yet i feel like a fraud.

Havent spoken to my mom, whom i share a room with, for over a year. Why you ask? Coz she got drunk and decided to throw a bucket of water over my laptop. which i use for school.

thats not the point. coz right now, even with all positive things that are happening, ie: decent grades, decent friends. I feel like a fraud. like im living 2 lives, i dont deserve this and even if i did, what is the point?

friends will eventually drift away and it will all fall back to square one what is square one?

square on is where i know im unwanted, un-needed and a waste of oxygen. the only thing keeping me going is that i signed on for this and even if it is the lkast thing i do, i will finish what i started. which namely is my diploma.

life sucks and then you die. I agree. what you do with it is what makes it worthwhile. also agree but what to do when your weekends are spent staring at the walls that choke you? go out? i cycle a lot. still no friends. the last call i got was months ago and it was from an insurance agent. bloody leeches.

ughh. no one can hate me more than i hate myself and the only reason people hang with me is because i got something they want. want. want. i want an escape.

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Hey @mrSollicitudo seems like things are really tough for you right now and its not easy navigating through these especially alone :people_hugging:

I get what you mean like friends might drift away after sometime and it might get really lonely after awhile :confused: but perhaps it could be they think you are busy too ? Is there any one that you think would be nice to have a catch up with ?

Hmmm perhaps just curious what does an ideal life for you look like ? Don’t try to think about what it is for the average singaporean but what is it for you as a person ?

Like for example for me its having a job and doing things that help people grow that brings me joy. :blush:

Do let me know if not you can always voice out your other concerns here I am here to listen :relieved:

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i think you need to escape too.

try travelling.
get out of Singapore.
go Malaysia. you can cycle there.

or go Indonesia. or Thailand. doesn’t matter where as long as it fits your budget.

travelling widens our perspective and we see for ourselves the beauty that still exists in the world today.

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Hi @mrSollicitudo

Thank you for coming here to share your concerns. It sounds like you are going through a confusing life situation right now. I hear that things are difficult, and you seem to be feeling somewhat lost and in need of some connection at this point.

It must have been hard for you to work things out on your own and having to deal with things at home with your mom. I wonder how long it has been going out and how it has affected your life and views about your relationships with people.

From what you shared, I see a lot of resilience in you as you talk about completing your diploma even when things are not going well for you. I am sure there were other instances where things were challenging but you pushed through and navigated through the obstacles.

I hope you can see that in yourself as well and use these as reminders or motivation for yourself. There is a reason why you do this, perhaps it could be life goals like completing education, getting a job, financial independency etc. Identify your goals and you can find your own purpose in life.

Practicing positive self-talk can be something you can consider. It would be good to be mindful of how you think about yourself and not to be too critical towards yourself. Be kind to yourself as you validate your life experiences and your emotions.

Also, I want to remind you that you are important, and you deserve to have good things happening to you. Perhaps some people in your life may not have been able to provide you with helpful support or affirmations. But don’t deny yourself of this too. You deserve good things in life even if you do not feel this way yet. It is important to feel good about yourself, I am sure you have many strengths and perhaps that’s why people hang out with you.

Meanwhile, I wonder if you have someone you can reach out to for support. It can be anyone; family, friends, or a professional to share what you are going through. If you are open to seeing a professional, here are some options you can consider:

Community options:
Limitless: Talk To Someone - Limitless 16
CPH chat: https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us 7
IMH CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Pages/default.aspx 4
ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg 1

Do keep us updated on how you are coping, we would really like to continue to support you here on this platform. All the best and take care!

no ideals. just wanna be content with what i have and i am. dont get me wrong. but its practically nothing and it gets to you after a while.

i used to define myself by work but after a while, i realise that even though you could be a legend, youre still replacable.

ive been places and seen faces. havent been to the west though. the more i see, the less i wanna know.

i recently reached out. thank you for your words,

in the grand scheme of things, we are inconsequntial. ive accepted that a long time ago and focused on simply being content. the time i have is little but its still my time.

but time is fleeting. so whether now or later, does it really matter?

Hi @mrSollicitudo

Good to hear from you again. It sounds like you are someone who thinks things through before making decisions, and I think you know what is best for yourself.

Everyone has their own answers within themselves. These are built by past experiences in life and interactions with people. It might be helpful to trust your instincts and go with what you think is good for you.

What matters the most is you, in believing that you are important and deserving of good things. While you may have reflected and accepted the fact that people can be replaceable in work, it does not mean that your experience there and relationships built were for nothing. There is definitely an impact you left and experienced for yourself everywhere you go. That is the development of self and future relationships with people.

I hope this adds a new perspective to your situation.

ive considered that. and somehow it jsut makes me feel more isolated

Hi @mrSollicitudo

I hear you, and it is completely understandable to feel isolated when you don’t have the social support you need. It is okay to acknowledge these feelings and to use this as an opportunity to reflect on what you really want at this moment.

If you are seeking connections, you can explore new ways to connect with people, join new communities to know people. It takes time and can feel daunting at first. Take a step at a time and be patient with yourself while you navigate around this. Remember, you are deserving of positive support and companionship, I hope you get to find it in time.

Meanwhile, I really hope you take good care of yourself and treat yourself with as much kindness as you need.