so the thing about being okie is that what defines being okie? is it having a stable income, relationships, activities etc??
I though i was okie. enrolled in school to get my diploma, formed healthy friendships, participated in school events. Yet i feel like a fraud.
Havent spoken to my mom, whom i share a room with, for over a year. Why you ask? Coz she got drunk and decided to throw a bucket of water over my laptop. which i use for school.
thats not the point. coz right now, even with all positive things that are happening, ie: decent grades, decent friends. I feel like a fraud. like im living 2 lives, i dont deserve this and even if i did, what is the point?
friends will eventually drift away and it will all fall back to square one what is square one?
square on is where i know im unwanted, un-needed and a waste of oxygen. the only thing keeping me going is that i signed on for this and even if it is the lkast thing i do, i will finish what i started. which namely is my diploma.
life sucks and then you die. I agree. what you do with it is what makes it worthwhile. also agree but what to do when your weekends are spent staring at the walls that choke you? go out? i cycle a lot. still no friends. the last call i got was months ago and it was from an insurance agent. bloody leeches.
ughh. no one can hate me more than i hate myself and the only reason people hang with me is because i got something they want. want. want. i want an escape.