i think i ruined my life

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Recently, i have lot of work to get done in short due date. Everyday i’m working till it’s past work hours. I work overtime but didn’t get paid. My manager told me to finish the work only in 1 week. The work you might think “it’s just a work” but for me not. The work is i have to filing all the records sales from june till now and the record sales over 5000++ i need to finish it. if you don’t get it, it’s okay.

so, i’ve been really stressed and overly tired. i got worst headache and i feel my body always fatigue after work.

today, i came home late from work because of endless work. my dad took me home since i don’t have driver license yet.

i want the whole journey to home to be quiet and without any annoying noises. but my dad didn’t understand what i feel.
my dad laughed at me because i’m too serious. i’m being serious because i’m very tired and stressing a lot.

i told him i’m very tired of the work but he continues to laugh and didn’t understand me at all. i’ve been overreacting and exploded. screaming saying i’m very tired and please be quiet. don’t make a fun of my tiredness.

but he still grin and smile like it’s so funny that i already reached my limit. try to voice my feelings out but all he thinks it is funny???

after we arrived at home, i want to get out from the car and walk to home peacefully but he angry at me. i can’t be patient anymore and i accidentally push the gate strongly without realize it already broken. i didn’t know it turns out really terrible.

i went inside my house and went to my room. i locked my room because i wanted to cry so bad. he went in front of my room yelling and knocked hard on my door for the damage i’ve done.

he yelling at me loudly and saying i’m useless. always cause trouble etc. i was silent because I didn’t know what to respond. he forced me to transfer him money to repair the damage. i did. i know it’s my fault but i didn’t mean it.

he saying that i’m useless and likes tl trouble people repeatedly. he made that my fault look like tomorrow is the end of the world.

now i want to stand up for myself but i’m afraid i will belittled and blame me endlessly. i want to face him bravely and voice out my feelings but it’s hard. he didn’t listen nor understand me at all. how?

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Hello! :smiley_cat:

Sounds like work has been very busy and tedious as of late. Not to mention, your stress has manifested through headaches and fatigue. As I have no understanding as to what is stated in your work contract, I might not be able to give the best advice but it sounds quite wrong to not pay for OT

I have linked a part of MOM’s Employment Act here. maybe this could be helpful in being less burn out?

From what I am reading in the latter part of this thread, It sounds like your dad might be contributing to a significant part of your stressors. Not only is he unable to understand your feelings, it seems that he is always pushing your buttons.

All you want is some peace and he does not seem to understand at all.

If I may offer some advice from personal experience, it would be to talk in a gentle and respectful tone.

In the eyes of our parents, we will always be a little child who needs help in all aspects of life. I can sense that your dad does care for you but is unable to express it well.
Therefore, his actions could be a little off-putting and this does not justify him calling you useless.

Previously, my dad seemed to always be getting on my nerves similarly to you. And I often screamed back at him to make my stand which led to more arguments and more stress. When I realised that this was not going to work out, I switched to calm and collected adult mode.

I told him that “we need to talk” and sat him down comfortably in the living room

I then continued by acknowledging that I can feel that he does care for me but I felt that my feelings were often invalidated which has made me stressed. Additionally, this made it hard to love and respect him as he constantly made me feel like a waste of space. I then reassured him that while I am not cutting off ties with him, It would be great if he gave me time for myself just as he has his own alone time.

He replied “Okay I understand”. I was able to voice out my opinions in a calm and respectful tone and he was able to acknowledge my frustrations despite being very fierce.

Hopefully a calm and respectful confrontation is the way to go for now!

Hope this has helped you :kissing_cat:

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Hi @user1400,

I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through. It sounds like you’re under a lot of pressure and stress at work, and it’s completely okay to feel this way. It’s important for your family to be understanding and supportive during tough times, and it’s unfortunate that your dad didn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of your situation.

Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted is a very real experience, and it’s okay to express your feelings. It’s important to find a way to communicate with your dad about how you’re feeling, even if it’s hard. You deserve to be heard and supported, and I hope you find the courage to have an open and honest conversation with him.

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Hi user 1400

Thank you for courageously bringing up what recently happened. I’m sad to hear you’re going through this. It’s understandable and fully valid to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and frustrated. It’s a great step you have taken by seeking help to better manage the situation you are in.

I agree that the unrealistic expectations from your supervisor to produce a huge amount of work within a short time frame is indeed overwhelming. The company not paying you for extra work is also painful. Added to that, your dad has not fully understood the severity of the work issue when you shared it with him: and it hurt when he laughed at you instead of empathising.

I think it is only human to feel angry, belittled and undervalued. Unfortunately though, the situation escalated and the door was damaged. You took immediate responsibility for your actions which is laudable.

May I suggest the following which I think could improve the situation :

  1. Communicate your workload concerns to your manager.
  2. Set boundaries and prioritise self-care.
  3. Exercise, go out, relax with a game for balance.
  4. Explain your feelings to your dad only when you are calmer. Decompress first.
  5. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.
  6. Practice assertiveness techniques. For example try :
    -“Dad, I’m exhausted. Please understand I need quiet time.”
    -“I apologize for the gate, but I was overwhelmed. Let’s discuss this calmly.”
    -“I feel frustrated when you laugh at my struggles. Please listen.”
    -“Boss, There are 5000 sales to record. Each record takes about one hour ( for example). To regularise the backlog since June I need more time”.
  7. Relook at what you want in your life (health, hobbies, friends, family) and from your workplace. Can this current schedule be sustained in the long run? This reflection may help you clarify what you want.

Please remember you fully deserve respect, fairness and understanding from your family and workplace. Set clear boundaries for a better balanced and fullfilling outcome in all life areas. :heart:

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hey @user1400, it must have been really difficult for you dealing with an insane workload and not having support from your dad. from what you shared, i can tell that you are feeling extremely overwhelmed about your situation right now. but i want you to know that its not your fault! i know its difficult but try not to listen to the hurtful words by your dad. you are NOT useless, and not at fault, because you’ve been working so hard and doing your best everyday at work. its totally understandable to feel stressed and fatigue.

it might help to try and talk to your dad when both of you are calm, because in situations where emotions are high, it can easily lead to misunderstandings and arguments just like the drive home with your dad. i hope you find the courage to talk to your dad, I’ll be here to cheer you on! you deserve to be respected, heard, and supported, so stay safe and stay strong, you can do this!