everyday is so stressful I cant do anything wrong or my father is gonna kill me school reopening soon my teachers are gonna kill me for homework I’m not supposed to play games or do anything that involves electronic devices or I’m gonna be blind soon but I’m still playing just to maybe enjoy the last few moments of life idk what’s gonna happen in future so for now just enjoy what I can.. I feel so empty and I don’t rlly have feelings anymore everyday passes so slowly and its torturing me it hurts too much I don’t even know what I am doing anymore at home I cant show anger or sadness why is life so hard..
Hey @LonelyShadow06 ,
It sounds like you’re under constant pressure, like there’s no room to mess up, rest, or even react. That kind of environment can make days feel very long and heavy. When you say you feel empty and that time passes slowly, it looked like that came from being worn out and holding too much in, and sometimes it shows up when there’s nothing that feels allowed or safe to enjoy.
Can I check something gently, when the stress is at its worst, where do you feel it in your body? Is it tight, restless, heavy, or more like boredom that won’t go away?
And is this hardest at home, or when you think about school starting again?
I also noticed you said you still play games “just to enjoy what you can.” Does that give you a bit of relief while you’re playing, or does the pressure rush back right after?
I’m asking because feeling trapped, numb, or restless can all come from different kinds of overload and none of them mean you’re doing something wrong. And when you say your father is “going to kill you,” it shows how intense the fear feels when you think about consequences?
At any point you feel unsafe, it’s really important to reach out to someone right away:
- SOS: 1767
- National Mindline: 1771
- Or chat here: Mental Health Helplines & Counselling Services in Singapore | mindline.sg
Perhaps, if you are open, we can just stay with this moment, tell us more about what it’s actually like for you, even if you’re not sure how to name it yet.
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there is always stress but just more when I’m at home with my father and the fear and sadness and emptiness just doesn’t go away.. it hurts so much I’m kind of losing interest in everything and nothing seems meaningful anymore I have no purpose of staying if I’m just suffering everyday.. playing games help temporarily but still idk what I’m supposed to do now I feel kind of guilty also idk why..
When you say the restrictions at home feel unbearable, that stands out. Living with constant limits, especially when you’re already stressed, can wear a person down very quickly.
I also want to acknowledge something you mentioned earlier, playing games does give you some relief, even if it’s temporary. That matters. It sounds less like you’re avoiding everything, and more like you’re trying to find a small break from the pressure. Feeling guilty afterwards often happens when comfort itself feels “not allowed.”
I’m curious about your relationship with your father, and you don’t have to answer this if it feels unsafe. Have you ever tried to tell him how overwhelming things feel for you at home? Or does it feel like he wouldn’t listen, or that talking might make things worse?
It sounds like because past attempts didn’t go well and you felt misunderstood. If that’s been your experience, it makes sense that you’d keep things to yourself.
When you imagine talking to him, what feels hardest, his reaction, not being heard, or the fear of getting into trouble just for sharing how you feel?
Understanding what’s actually happening for you is already an important step.
I tried telling him many times and the last time was a few weeks ago and he knocked over all the chairs and the fan cos he got rlly mad for no f***ing reason he’s the one who started everything and I’m always the one who has to clean everything up after him I have a history homework due today and I didn’t even open it to look at it cos i am so tired..I kind of give up on this life already cos my father wont ever change nobody ever understands me and even my mother got brainwashed by him and follows him now.. and he’s watching me all the time he told me give me ur phone I’ll help u keep it since when do I use my phone all the time I was just doing important stuffs and he even keep on turning around to see what’s on my computer he’s so annoying and its rlly stressful to have him staring at me..
Hi @lonelyshadow06,
I can hear how exhausted and trapped you’re feeling, living with your father’s explosive anger, the constant monitoring, and feeling like you have no support, since even your mother seems to side with him now. It sounds like you’re dealing with a frightening and stressful environment at home, where your father’s violent outbursts, knocking over furniture when he’s angry, leave you feeling unsafe and constantly on edge. It makes sense that you’re struggling to focus on schoolwork when you’re this drained and stressed.
I want you to know that you have the right to feel safe and respected in your relationships, including with your parents. Violence and abuse in a relationship must not be tolerated. There are ways to deal with conflict and disagreements without resorting to violence.
If you’re feeling unsafe or need support, you can contact the National Anti-Violence Helpline (NAVH) at 1800-777-0000. Since you’re still a student, you can also approach a trusted adult, school teacher, or school counsellor who can help you navigate this situation and connect you with the support you need. You don’t have to handle this alone.
Resources:
https://www.msf.gov.sg/what-we-do/break-the-silence/get-help/i-am-a-child-experiencing-abuse
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What you described sounds very hard to live with, especially when someone gets so angry that they knock things over, even if they don’t touch anyone, it can make the whole house feel tense and unsafe. Anyone in that situation would be constantly on edge and worn down.
I want to understand this part a bit better, and you don’t have to answer if it feels uncomfortable. When he gets that angry, has he ever hurt you physically, or come close to it? Have you suffered from any injury inflicted when things get knock over or you got hit by objects thrown at you? And hence makes you feel scared and unable to relax?
About the homework, given everything you described, it makes sense that you’re too tired to even look at it. This isn’t about being lazy. It sounds like you’re exhausted.
I also want to check in about something important. If things at home feel like they could get out of control, it’s really important not to handle this alone. Is there any adult outside your family, a school counsellor, teacher, relative, or friend’s parent who knows what it’s like for you at home?
As what @Obi_Wan_Kenobi has shared, the most important thing is that you’re safe and that someone else knows what you’re dealing with.
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okay thank you I will
no he doesn’t dare touch me physically yes I have a school counsellor but I don’t trust her cos she might tell my parents stuffs I do have a few friends who know about it but relatives no I don’t trust anyone
Thanks for being clear about that. Knowing that he hasn’t touched you physically helps me understand the situation better. Even so, living with someone who gets explosive and then watches your every move can still be very stressful and frightening. Your reaction makes sense.
I hear what you’re saying about not trusting the school counsellor. Many people worry about this, especially when home already feels tense. At the same time, I want to gently say that counsellors are there to help and support you, not to get you into trouble. Their role is to look out for your well-being, especially when things feel overwhelming and there isn’t much space to cope on your own.
It’s also a good thing that some of your friends know what’s going on. Even having a few people who believe you and listen can make a difference, especially when trusting adults feels hard right now.
What matters most at this point is that you’re not completely alone with this. I do want to check in again, when things feel unbearable and you’ve said you feel like giving up, are those thoughts still there right now, or have they eased a little since talking here?
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I still kind of wanna die cos I feel like a slave living in jail everyday I actually did nothing things just feel unfair yea ik the world isn’t fair but this is a bit too far.. and for my studies I kind of give up also it is too hard to find motivation and energy everything is so hard to do and this life is actually so spoiled theres now way of living it properly now but if I do feel better after saying it out and knowing there are ppl who understand me
I hear how trapped this feels for you. When you say it’s like living in jail and there’s no way out, it sounds less like you want life to end, and more like you can’t see what freedom even looks like anymore.
When someone has been stuck like this for a long time, the mind stops being able to imagine relief. Everything just feels sealed shut.
Right now, school already feels overwhelming and exhausting. When that pressure is there on its own, it’s hard enough. Once home becomes another place where you feel watched, controlled, and unsafe to relax, it can feel like there’s nowhere left to breathe. That’s not because you’re weak, it’s because too much has piled up at the same time.
I want to offer something gently: the way you’re struggling right now isn’t proof that you’re failing at life. In many ways, it’s your system trying to survive something that feels unbearable. Feeling numb, giving up on studies for now, needing to talk just to get through the day, these are signs of a person under extreme pressure, not someone who’s broken.
I may not be living in your situation or standing in your shoes, so I won’t pretend I fully know how it feels. What I can see, though, is that these conversations are part of a slow and steady process, helping you put words to what’s making you unhappy, noticing where the pain sits, and finding small pockets where things feel a little less heavy.
It’s not about fixing everything at once. It’s about easing the discomfort bit by bit, so there’s some relief along the way, and eventually, space for things to feel better than they do now.
For this moment, you may not find a big solution or picture a perfect future. Safety comes first. Being able to say what’s happening, being understood here, and knowing you don’t have to face this alone, I hope that it already creates a small pocket of relief in a place that feels locked down.
You also mentioned that saying this out loud helps, even a little. That matters. It means connection eases the pain, even if it doesn’t remove it yet. That’s something we can build on, slowly.
Right now, what would help you feel just a bit safer or less trapped tonight, not long-term freedom, just a small sense of relief for this moment?
We can take this one step at a time. You don’t have to see the whole way out to keep going right now.
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nothing rlly makes me feel safe anymore as long as I know my parents exist and knowing I’ll need to go to school tomorrow it just feels so tiring and unsafe also having to hide everything from everyone is rlly tiring and hard.. right now it feels like even breathing uses up too much energy and I’m still scared of going to school and going back to CCA because the conductor kind of hates me I’m scared of getting scolded or even worse get my parents called..I’ve lost interest in nearly everything nothing is worth doing right now
It sounds like one of the hardest parts right now is that you don’t really trust that help will actually help. Even when support exists, it feels risky, like opening up could just lead to more trouble, more pressure, or things getting worse instead of better.
When someone has had to hide so much for so long, that kind of mistrust makes sense. If past experiences taught you that speaking up doesn’t change anything, or even backfires, it’s understandable that your mind stops believing there’s a safe way out.
So instead of assuming what you need, I want to ask you directly. If support didn’t come with consequences or judgement, how would you want us to help you right now?
Would it be more about having a place to talk freely?
Or help thinking through school and CCA without parents being involved?
Or just getting through each day with a little less pressure?
I’m asking because how we support you should match what feels safest for you, not what others think you “should” do.
We can take this at your pace.
id probably report my father and tell my CCA teachers to let me skip if I’m too tired and everyday will probably be a bit better without my fathers control.. school was rlly tiring today and I’m not sure how I’ll survive through the rest of the year
Hey @LonelyShadow06,
I’m really glad to hear that you’ve been taking steps to keep yourself safe from your father’s behaviour. That takes a lot of courage, and you deserve to feel proud of yourself for doing what you can to protect your wellbeing.
If at any point you feel the need to reach out to a trusted adult, you might want to consider continuing to speak with your teachers or school counsellors. They can offer support, listen to what you’re going through, and help you figure out what feels right for you. Of course, this is entirely your choice, and you should only do so if you feel comfortable.
I believe there are caring adults around you who genuinely want to support you during this time. If you ever feel ready to share updates with us, we’re here to listen.
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thx for being so understanding not many ppl are so nice to me cos i think I’m kind of evil idk why I want to see other ppl suffer.. but anyways tysm 
Hey @LonelyShadow06,
Thanks for sharing so openly. It really sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now, and it makes sense that strong emotions would come up when you’re under that much strain.
I don’t see you as “evil” at all - just human and hurting. If you’re comfortable sharing, how have you been coping or taking care of yourself lately?
If it helps, I can also share a few self-care ideas, but no pressure at all. I’m here to listen.
Resources:
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I don’t think I’m rlly coping to this lately I’ve been thinking about dying a lot recently and feeling rlly depressed and sad and empty..I feel so tired from school and i rlly want to quit school now it uses too much energy..I feel like nobody really loves me especially not my own parents