Im scared of others thought if i failed, im scared of what they think of me. I don’t know what to do if i failed, it’s only an number on a paper but why do i think it’s worth for my life?. I tried to push myself studying everyday but my brain doesn’t company. There’s already bunch of people say “you’re smart, you must have a nice grade”. And one day, when i was have a math test last year, i only got a score around 68. And the math teacher called me to his office, and i don’t know why im suddenly shaking and cried, it’s one of my embarrassing moments in middle school. But he didn’t calming me or whatsoever, instead he pointed on me and say to my friends “ Look, she’s crying! “. Im also often got compared to my friend of first rank in the class. Im in second rank in the class. But i always think i didn’t deserve that. I know im suck in numerics, and it takes much effort to me for studying numerics. And im ashamed of that. I cried several times in 9th grade, and i think im such a cry baby because of this. I always felt lagging behind others, my efforts doesn’t give much to me. Im not confident of myself, i don’t know if i can go to my dream highschool too (?). I hate this school too. Many times i got unpleasant moments here. Gosh im so tired of my self, i really wanted to be other person , but not myself
I feel stressed,but i don’t feel stressed at the same time like yk…i stil have my appetite, laugh, smile. So i don’t think this is a big deal, maybe this is just an over reacting. I even thought, will God really answer my prayers? Or have I committed a grave sin to deserve this punishment?
Yes i edited this message several times… looks like i typed too much, decided to delete half of them
Dear @capablebee6663
I am thankful you reached out for support instead of navigating through this alone. Please know that you are not overreacting. I sense what you are feeling is a mixture of pressure from comparing with others and having high expectations of yourself. You are not alone to feel what you have described, I believe many students reading your post can certainly relate to what you feel.
It would be good to reach out to your school counsellor soon to unpack your distress. They are likely to have journeyed with high achievers like you who experience similar stress, anxiety and peer comparison. The counsellors can also coach you on healthy coping strategies that help you reduce distress and be kinder to yourself. 
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Hey @capablebee6663,
I’m sorry to hear what you have been going through in school. Its sounds like you’re feeling a lot of pressure and stress, from the high expectations you put on yourself and from the comparison with others. I don’g agree with how your math teacher reacted when you cried, as I felt he should be more empathetic. But I also want to tell you that it’s okay to cry when you feel overwhelmed. It’s a way to let out our emotions and express how we feel. So you don’t have to feel ashamed about it. And I also want you to see the incredible achievement you managed to accomplish by getting second place in your class. It takes incredible amounts of effort, resilience and hardwork to do so, so don’t discount that. You certainly deserve that rank 
Additionally, I want you to know that you’re certainly not alone in this. I know many friends who feel the same way you do, when they compare to others and feel that they may be losing out. This in turn made them place a high expectation on themselves, and they start blaming themselves when they cannot meet them. I would always tell them that grades is just a number and it measures only your academic abilities, not who you are as a person. That number does not define who you are.
I’m also glad that you say you still have your appetite, laugh and smile. One important thing I feel is being kind to yourself and to celebrate your achievements. Perhaps the next time you accomplish something, like ranking high in the class, you could try treating yourself to something nice?
And like @CaringBee suggested, it would be good to reach out to your school counsellor to help unpack your feelings and thoughts. Would you consider doing that?
Be kind to yourself and we’re here for you 
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Well, maybe i could reach out to my school counselor, but i don’t have enough courage to do that. I always put all my suffering by myself..
Dear @capablebee6663
Thank you for letting us know. I think it’s understandable that reaching out to the school counsellor can be daunting. However, please know that they are there to help you so take a tiny step even though it causes discomfort, to just drop by and say hi to build rapport with the counsellor. School counsellors are experienced in helping students facing similar issues as you. They listen non judgmentally and are trained in putting students at ease.
Another option would be to call the national mindline at 1771 to speak to a duty counsellor anonymously. The hotline operates 24/7 and the counsellors there can also connect you with suitable support available in the community near you.
Please do consider seeking help soon. The first step is the hardest but after that I believe it will work out well. You fully deserve support especially during this challenging period.
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Hey there, thanks for sharing something so personal.
I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pressure - expectations from others, comparisons, and that painful experience with your teacher - and it’s shaken how you see yourself. Anyone in your place would feel scared and overwhelmed too.
Your grades are just numbers, but it makes sense they feel bigger because they’ve been tied to your worth by others. That doesn’t mean they define you. Struggling with something like numerics doesn’t make you less capable, it just means it takes more effort for you, and that’s okay.
Also, just because you can still laugh or eat doesn’t mean your stress isn’t real. You’re not overreacting, and you’re not being punished. You’re just tired and trying your best in a tough situation.
You don’t need to become someone else. You deserve kindness as you are, even in moments like this:)
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Hey @capablebee6663,
Thank you for letting us know how you feel. I think it’s normal that reaching out to a school counsellor can feel daunting, especially if it’s something new. But as @CaringBee mentioned, school counsellors are there to help you. You can give it a try first! You don’t have to share everything with him or her in the first session. Just go with what you feel comfortable with. And if you feel that it’s not right for you, you can try the other avenues that @CaringBee suggested too.
Know that you deserve support and kindness, and if you would like, you could update us on your progress 
We’re here for you
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