I thought it would be different with them

Hangouts Rants
1

Hi, talking about my situationship.

Just coming out of it recently, so the wound is still fresh. I think there are so many ways to think about relationships. Common advice would be you should not put it on a pedastal, have other things going in your life. And i do, but whats wrong with putting relationships on a pedastal, arent we supposed to organise our life according to what is more important first? And people would tell me it takes time to heal. But i find that time does not actually heal grief, it just gives me more space to have new experiences to hopefully forget about this one. But i never forget. I think about how nice it would have been for our timelines to still merge and to grow together, like i do with all of my previous connections. I think when you really love or like someone you never truly let them go. They’re just not physically there to test that connection with you anymore, so it feels like you have let go. And now i sit on thinking of all the things i did, would have done, and it feels humiliating. Especially knowing that it was never special for them, and all those feelings were completely imagined from me. People say you learn from these relationships, but to be honest what is there to learn?The point is not to learn from them but to learn with them, and the right person would not make you change just to fit their ideas so really, what am i learning?

Do people really just walk around with these relationship scars in their mind and pretend everything is ok? Really sick of being in situations where there is nothing I can do about it. Do adults really live like this, waiting for life to decide for them what you have a choice in and what you don’t?

2

Hello @emo-te thanks for sharing this. Since it just ended, it makes sense that everything still feels really raw. I don’t think you’re wrong for questioning the usual advice about not putting relationships on a pedestal. Relationships are important, and it’s normal to want to organise your life around what matters to you.

What you said about time not really healing grief makes a lot of sense. Time doesn’t erase anything it just gives us space to live with it. When you really care about someone, you don’t fully let them go. They’re just not there anymore, so it feels like you did.

The part about feeling embarrassed looking back at what you did really hits. That kind of hurt is heavy, especially when you realise it didn’t mean the same thing to them. That doesn’t make you foolish, it just means you cared.

I also get what you mean about “learning from relationships.” Sometimes you don’t want a lesson, you just wanted to grow with someone. And you’re right, the right person wouldn’t make you change just to be chosen.

I think a lot of people do carry these scars quietly and just keep going, even if it doesn’t feel okay inside. It’s exhausting, especially when it feels like you had no control. You’re not wrong for being tired of that.