I was the victim of a job scam

Ask a Therapist Coping
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21

Hi @user8250,

I can feel how heavy this is for you - and how much shame and fear are tangled up in the thought of telling your father. It’s gutting when the very thing someone warned us about ends up happening, and suddenly we’re not just dealing with the loss, but the dread of disappointing them too.

But you don’t have to write a book about it to prove you’ve learned something. You already have.

And while I’m not in a position to give advice, I can say this. Being scammed doesn’t make you foolish - it makes you human. You were trying to trust, trying to hope, and that’s not a flaw. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels like it.

22

Hello again.

For the past few months, I have been trying to rebuild my life and with little success. Investing yielded little returns, and my father’s words of criticism that my trading strategy is not working bites a lot more than the losses I made. I also tried getting a job but the market is so bad that I have been rejected from every application, even ones where I thought that I might get. The past few months were rough on me, but the continued failures just made it worse. Is it worth continuing to persevere when life just keeps going downhill for you? I feel like giving up on everything right now. I just can’t keep continuing.

23

Hey @user8250,

It’s good to hear from you. I can see you’ve been putting in real effort to rebuild, and it makes sense that progress feels slow. You’ve done it once before, so the ability and persistence that helped you then are still in you now.

Pain often feels larger than it really is, especially when you’ve been facing it on your own. When we start to face it bit by bit, it becomes less overwhelming.

Your father’s criticism sounds tough, but it may come from his own worries about time and security. His anxiety has probably spilled over to you, but that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. You still have time to learn and rebuild, even if it takes longer than you hoped.

Every rejection can feel discouraging, but it doesn’t mean you’re not capable. Sometimes it just means the role isn’t the right one yet. Have you had a chance to reach out to a Family Service Centre or Social Service Office? They can sometimes provide temporary financial help and guidance. Would you be open to sharing what you’ve already tried?

I’ve had setbacks too. There were times I felt like I’d run out of options, but each failure taught me something that helped me move forward later. With time, the fear of failing again became smaller.

Right now, what you’re feeling sounds like exhaustion more than weakness. If things start to feel too heavy, you can contact Mindline (1771) or SOS (1767) any time, even just to talk things through. Let’s take it one step at a time and find ways to lighten the load together.

24

Hello.

After all these months ruminating on my scam incident, I realize that I can’t move on from it. I keep obsessing over the money I lost and have been stuck at home for months. I no longer have the energy to find work or exercise. I just exist in a state of just existing.

25

Hi user8250,

Sorry to hear how you are feeling now and hope that you are coping well. That feeling of “just existing” tells me how much this loss has worn you down. And given where you come from, it makes sense why this has been so hard to shake off. In an Asian family, money rarely stands alone. It symbolises hard work, responsibility, and the image of being a capable son or daughter. When it disappears suddenly, it can feel like your worth and identity got shaken with it.

And when that value has been reinforced by your father for years, the weight becomes even heavier. That kind of shame hits deeper than the financial loss itself. It touches the part of you that has always wanted to make him proud.

But I want to say this gently. Losing money doesn’t make you unfilial. It makes you human. You got caught in something designed to deceive even the sharpest people. The values your father taught you were about working hard, being responsible, and providing for the family. Those values are still in you. They didn’t disappear when the scam happened.

Right now, what you’re going through is grief. You’re grieving the money, the meaning it held, the expectations tied to it, and the version of yourself you wanted to be. Grief numbs the body and drains the mind. That’s why you feel stuck at home and low on energy. It’s not a sign you’re giving up. It’s a sign you’ve been carrying too much alone.

Existing through this is already a sign of courage. The will to carry on, even in this frozen state, shows that a quiet part of you still wants to move forward. And that part of you is stronger than you think. Because once you start to recover, you’ll be able to face these perpetrators in your mind without fear. Even if a similar scam appeared again, you already have the awareness and strength to denounce it.

For now, try not to pressure yourself to “move on.” Perhaps gently acknowledging that this loss touched a part of you connected to family, pride, and identity. That’s why it feels so raw. If you are open, do you wish to speak to someone about it?Hopefully Mindline 1771 or SOS 1767 can support you while you find your footing again.

Take this slowly and maybe you could share what part of the day feels heaviest for you. We’ll work through this together.

26

I feel really upset today. I received another rejected job application and the thought that I would remain unemployed for the foreseeable future is starting to hit me again. The fact that the job I got acceptance for is a full-time janitor job when I have two Master’s is making me feel so hopeless. It will not allow me to rebuild my money as soon as possible and is another constant reminder of how much of a failure I am to my family as much as an indication that the government failed to help people like me who are in need of a job.

In fact, being alive is becoming harder.

27

Hey @user8250,

It sounds like today hit especially hard. Getting another rejection on top of everything you’ve been through would weigh on anyone. And seeing a janitor position offered to you when you’ve put in years of work and earned two Master’s… I can understand why that feels like a deep mismatch.

In your context, money is tied to the instinct to provide, to protect the family, to stand tall in front of your parents. That instinct is strong in you, and I can see how it’s driving your behaviour right now. You want to rebuild quickly because that is how you’ve been taught to measure responsibility and worth. It makes sense that the pressure feels crushing.

But I want to highlight something gently. The pressure you feel to “rebuild your money as soon as possible” is coming mainly from inside you. Not because you’re wrong, but because you care deeply about being able to provide and to live up to what you believe your family expects. That internal pressure also makes every job rejection feel heavier than it already is.

You also mentioned feeling like the janitor job doesn’t connect with the worth of your qualifications. That dissonance is real. When the work offered doesn’t match the years of learning, your mind naturally questions your value. It doesn’t mean your education or skills have lost their relevance. It just means the job market right now is not reflecting your true ability. That part is outside your control.

One thing that might help is widening the support around you. Have you had a chance to visit any job fairs or speak with a job coach? Career coaches can help you position your Masters in ways that increase your opportunities, even if it doesn’t speed up the market itself. Sometimes having someone guide you through the applications takes some weight off your shoulders.

You can get free job-coaching support through Workforce Singapore (WSG) by signing up for a career coach on MyCareersFuture, or by walking into any WSG Careers Connect centre (Paya Lebar, Choa Chu Kang, or Jurong) where they provide one-to-one guidance, CV reviews, interview practice, and job-matching at no cost. You can also approach e2i (Employment and Employability Institute) for government-supported coaching and job-matching. These services won’t speed up the market, but they can increase your chances and give you someone to walk the process with.

And about the line you wrote, “being alive is becoming harder”… that tells me you are carrying a lot of pain quietly. Have you spoken to a counsellor? Consider reaching out to Mindline 1771 or SOS 1767. You can talk to them privately, without needing to explain anything to your family.

You’ve been doing the best you can in a season that has been extremely difficult. The strength you’ve shown through this, even in your lowest days, is still strength. When you’re ready, make that call and share what part of today felt the hardest. Take this one step at a time.

28

Thanks for the advice but travelling to receive coaching requires money and I need to save it quite urgently. So going for career coaching is out of the question. Finding a job now takes priority.

I tried the financial assistance approach but I don’t qualify for it because I am in a gray area, meaning that I am neither rich or poor to qualify for it.

I also engaged WSG but they did not provide sufficient help and found it quite useless so I asked them to close my case. I have been talking to SOS volunteers for help and comfort but so far, they have not been able to lift my burden.

29

Hey @user8250,

I’m sensing that even though things are still really heavy, something has shifted a little. The way you described reaching out to SOS, and how you’re still here talking to me, tells me that their support might have helped you hold the thoughts around self-harm, at least enough for you to stay safe in those moments. That doesn’t mean the burden is gone, but it suggests the heaviness might have moved from “I can’t continue” to “I’m still struggling, but I’m reaching out when it gets too much.” That’s important. It shows that even in this stuck place, there’s still a part of you fighting to stay alive.

You’ve been carrying this situation for months, and I can hear how tired you are. It also feels like you have a very specific picture of what a real solution should look like, something fast, practical, and strong enough to immediately rebuild your finances. When nothing matches that picture, everything else feels like “not enough,” and that can trap you in a sense of hopelessness even though you are still trying.

At the same time, I’m noticing something else: even when support could expand your options or network, like career fairs or coaching, it feels like those paths get closed off quickly because they don’t meet the urgent need you’re feeling. I understand why, survival is driving you right now, and in our culture, being able to provide is tied closely to identity and self-worth. Losing the ability to fulfil your role. That’s a lot to hold on your own.

Maybe we can slow down and bring your voice into this. If the help you’ve received so far didn’t meet your needs, what would meaningful help look like for you at this point? What kind of support do you wish actually existed for someone in your situation?

And one more thing, have you had the chance to speak with a counsellor, not just SOS volunteers? Counsellors work differently; they can sit with both the emotional weight and the practical stuckness, and help you move in small steps without overwhelming you.