Dear okay,
It seems like you’ve had a really tough time for a really long period of time. Thank you for unburdening yourself and sharing all these burdens of thoughts that you’ve been carrying in the past years.
I know that everyone has different life experiences, and we can’t always understand what someone has gone through. But I’m guessing growing up hasn’t been easy for you. There seem to be a lot of expectations, it almost feels like things have to be done perfectly and that there is no space for mistakes or expression or exploration. I don’t know if this is what you are experiencing. I love that art and writing are some of your hobbies. What made you get started in the first place? What made you feel most alive or feel most like yourself? Do you still remember? If we are busy listening to what others or the world tells us to do, or who we should be. Who is going to listen to your voice? And express your needs? Is there someone in this world who knows you truly? Do you know yourself truly?
When we have been struggling with these thoughts of really hating ourselves, it sometimes really hard to get out of it, or to even begin to feel differently about ourselves. And this is the time to really reach out and talk to someone else, a professional. It’s almost like we need to find someone to champion for us, because we can’t do that for ourselves at this time. When we have spent years not liking ourselves. It becomes a lens that we see everything with. When we are with people, this lens tells us that people don’t like us. When we do things, this lens tells us that it’s not good enough. Sometimes it’s not about other people or even what we are doing. But simply that the lens that we have been using to view ourselves and the world, it is deeply warped and is not serving you anymore.
And especially if you have been experiencing these intense sadness for a prolonged period of time. Please consider reaching out for support:
CHAT
- The Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT) provides confidential mental health checks for young persons between 16 and 30 years old, who are currently living in Singapore. They operate CHAT hub, a mental health centre located at *SCAPE and maintains an online presence through their website and webchat.
- 6493 6500
- 6493 6501
- https://www.chat.mentalhealth.sg/
TOUCH Community Services – TOUCHline
- Emotional support and practical advice are rendered through this youth helpline
- 1800 377 2252
When things get really tough, and you have thoughts of hurting yourself or suicidal thoughts. Please know that these moments will pass, and reach out for the support. Because you are never in this alone, and there are people here to journey with you:
Samaritans of Singapore (SOS)
- SOS operates a 24-hour hotline to provide emotional support for those in facing crisis or suicide risk
- 1800 221 4444
IMH
- IMH’s mental health hotline for those facing mental health crisis.
- 6389 2222
I think the last personal message I have for you. I can resonate with the thoughts and feelings that you are talking about. My guess is, you probably feel different from the people around you. And that can make you feel lonely and without a place of belonging. When you are different and the world and the people around you are different from you. It can be hard. But I promise, it can and will get better too. The most important thing is to know who you really are, so that you can stand strong as yourself in this world and no one else. You are unique, with your own unique expression. You’re not here to be other people, despite what the closest people may have told you. I really love to invite you to make this a priority, and here are some of my suggestions that I would like to offer you as part of your support on top of the resources I’ve shared above. You can explore some of them, all of them or none of them, and that’s perfectly fine too:
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Journal - When there’s no one with you who understands, write it down and allow yourself to shed that burden.
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Spend quiet time alone and go into nature - People may not understand you, but nature and animals will. Know yourself through them.
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Engage in arts - Arts is not about perfection. Art is about expression. What are the things that you want to say, but could never? This is an opportunity to express yourself and to know yourself. In fact, engage in messy art, explore a new part of you that you never knew through making a mess etc.
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Be your true self - Never compromise on you. Be real and authentic, people who love and truly care about you, will come to you. And you never have to compromise on yourself, or have to do the juggling act of balancing needs and wants with people who truly care about you. But this takes time, so be patient.
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Speak truth - I like to invite you explore this idea that the thoughts you have and the words you say, makes your reality. Can you speak and think about things that you want to manifest?
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Lastly, have faith and celebrate yourself - You have come a long journey. Remember how you describe you, becomes your reality.
I see you. I hope you see you too.
Seektruth