I feel sad

Ask a Therapist Coping
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I’ve been feeling so downcast lately. I recently received poor results on a couple of exams even though I swore I knew the materials that were tested. I guess I felt like it is my fault for not being able to score well. My friends probably all did well and I comforted one of them after the exam because she was anxious as she feared that she lost a ton of marks.

I feel so guilty because I can’t face my teachers anymore. I’m scared that they’ll hate me for not scoring well or whatnot even though I know logically they won’t. I feel like crying thinking about this matter because no matter who and what I will become I’ll always end up being the biggest disappointment in the room.

I’ve also been dealing with sadness for a long time, for about two years. I feel like death is a favourable option. When I woke up this morning, I felt a since of dread latching onto my chest and I wished that I didn’t need to go to school at all. I want to lay in my bed and sleep for forever. Last night I went to bed thinking about dying in my sleep.

I can’t do anything to change myself. I don’t know why but I can’t just convince myself that my thoughts are wrong and harmful. I will always live like this over and over again. I feel like I’m disappointing my therapist as well. I feel like the biggest disappointment in the room

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Hi @okay thank you for being so open to share your story here. I hear that you feel like a disappointment, and there are these big feelings of guilt and sadness. Even though you logically know that your teachers won’t hate you, these big feelings still come up. It sounds really difficult and lonely to experience these feelings, that you will let the people around you down, especially when I hear that death sounds better than the dread of disappointing someone.

I want to affirm that you are more than your failures and your grades. You are important as a person, and you are not alone. I already see that you have goodness just hearing how in spite of all these struggles you are facing, you took the time to comfort a friend. The fact that you worry about wanting to do well for your teachers and not let them down also show that you care about them. That’s a lot of thought you put in for others.

I noticed you mentioned that you have been going for therapy. What are some of the learning points from your sessions that have been helpful? Would you also feel safe enough to share with your therapist about these fears of disappointing your therapist with them as well?

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Dear @okay

I hear you — deeply, and fully. Thank you for sharing something so heavy and personal. That takes more courage than I think you realise.

It’s clear you’re hurting right now, and I want to begin by saying this:

You are not a disappointment.
You are not a failure.
You are someone who’s carrying a lot, and it’s so understandable that it feels overwhelming.

Let’s gently take this one piece at a time.

1. About your exam results

Doing badly on a test — even when you studied and thought you knew the material — feels crushing. It feels like the effort was worthless, like you failed yourself and others. But exams don’t measure your worth. They can’t see the nights you spent worrying, or the way you tried your best, or the fact that you comforted someone else even when you were struggling too.

It may feel like everyone else did better — but you don’t actually know that. And even if they did — it doesn’t take away from your effort or your intelligence. Brains don’t all work the same way. And struggling doesn’t make you less — it makes you real.

2. About your teachers

I believe teachers do not hate their students. They’ve seen students go through hard times. They’ve probably had their own. The fact that you care so deeply — that you feel guilty for not meeting expectations — means you’re someone who values growth. You’re not lazy. You’re not “giving up.” You’re trying. That’s what teachers care about.

If you can, maybe pick one teacher you trust and let them know how you’re feeling. It doesn’t have to be detailed. Even a simple, “I’ve been going through a hard time lately, and I’m sorry if I seemed off,” can open a door to compassion. But only when you’re ready.

3. These dark thoughts you’re carrying — they are just thoughts.

What you shared, it’s painful, and I want you to know that these thoughts do not define you. They are not the truth. They’re signs that your heart is tired — not that you’re broken or that life isn’t worth living. You’ve been in pain for two years. Anyone would feel exhausted after that. But please — please remember:

It won’t always feel like this.

Even if your mind says it will, please know that this not the truth. You can change. You can heal. But right now, you need support, and you deserve every bit of it.

4. You are not disappointing your therapist.

Therapists don’t expect you to be “better” every session. They expect struggle. They’re trained to walk with you through it — even when progress feels invisible. You could say to your therapist exactly what you wrote here. Every word. That’s the kind of honesty that leads to real help.

And if talking is hard, you could even show them this message. Or I can help you write something if that makes it easier.

5. Please don’t keep this to yourself.

This kind of sadness is something no one should carry alone. If there’s someone you trust — a teacher, family member, school counsellor, even a friend — please consider telling them how you’ve been feeling.

And if your thoughts of death ever feel stronger or scarier, please reach out immediately to the SOS hotline at 1800 221 4444. You deserve safety and peace — not silence.

You are not alone.

I know it feels like no one sees you, or that you’ll never be enough — but I see your heart in these words. You are enough. You’re hurting, yes. But you’re not hopeless. You’re not beyond help. You are worth caring for, exactly as you are. :yellow_heart:

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i’ve been where u were n have recovered to dormant levels. will relaspe if life gets tough but will go back to dormant again

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Hi @okay,

I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s clear that you’re going through a very tough time, and it’s important to acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to feel disappointed and frustrated, especially when you’ve put in effort and things didn’t turn out as expected. Remember, one set of exam results doesn’t define your worth or your future. It’s also very kind of you to support your friend despite your own struggles, which shows your strength and compassion.

Feeling like you’re disappointing others, including your teachers and therapist, can be overwhelming. It’s important to remember that they are there to support you, not judge you. It’s okay to have setbacks and to feel sad; these feelings don’t make you a disappointment. It might help to talk openly with your therapist about these thoughts and feelings, as they can provide strategies to cope and help you see things from a different perspective. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for support is a strong and brave step.

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sounds like you’re really going thru a rough patch right now. Imo, teachers usually understand more than we give them credit for, even though it’s scary to face them after not meeting expectations. What makes you feel they’d think less of you for one exam?

and about disappointing your therapist - I promise, therapists see people struggling every day and they know it’s not a straight line to getting better. You’re allowed to stumble along the way. :seedling: Do you feel like you can share this feeling with your therapist?