I wish I hadn’t ever existed

I feel like my emotions, my trauma, even my basic needs are too much. I don’t want to burden anyone anymore. I can’t even kill myself because that would create more problems for them. I just wish I had never existed, and that they had never met me.

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hi @sleepie , wanting to share your feelings and process them is normal and aren’t burdens you ought to carry alone. it does sound like you’re trying to be considerate towards the people around you as you said you don’t want to burden them but it’s okay to focus on you. you deserve the air time to share and others to hold space for you. if you’d like, would you want to share more about what’s been on your mind lately?

what do you mean by basic needs?

Dear @sleepie

I’m thankful you wrote in to us expressing what you are going through. It sounds like you’ve been carrying so much, and I can only imagine how exhausting that must be. I want you to know that your feelings, your experiences, and your needs are not “too much.” You deserve care, just as much as anyone else, and you are not a burden.

I hear that you feel trapped right now, like there’s no way to ease the weight you’re carrying. But please know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, there are people who care about you and want to support you—not because they have to, but because you matter.

If taking big steps feels impossible, that’s okay. Just focus on the smallest step forward—whether that’s reaching out to someone you trust, taking a deep breath, or even just reminding yourself that you’ve made it through another moment. You don’t have to have everything figured out right now.

You are not alone, and your existence is not a mistake. You deserve kindness, including from yourself. Please, if you can, consider talking to someone who can help, even if it’s just to share a little of what you’re feeling. You don’t have to carry this all by yourself. Do take that tiny step forward. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @sleepie, thank you for reaching out.

I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like you’re dealing with a tremendous amount of pain and exhaustion. It’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid, and you’re not a burden. Everyone has the right to seek help and support, no matter how difficult things may seem. It’s okay to lean on others—whether friends, family, or professionals—because your well-being matters.

It’s really hard to be in a place where you feel like there’s no way out, but reaching out for support can make a big difference. Sometimes just talking to someone who can listen and understand can be a huge relief.

For now, please do consider connecting with a mental health professional, a trusted friend, or a helpline (I’ve attached some resources below). Remember, even though it may not feel like it now, things can and do get better. You are important, and your existence matters.

List of Resources:

IMH CHAT: https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx

Youth Integrated Team: SupportGoWhere

CREST - Youth: SupportGoWhere

mindline.sg Service Wayfinder: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

SOS 24-hour Hotline: 1-767

Singapore Association for Mental Health Hotline: 1800-283-7019 (9am – 6pm on weekdays, except public holidays)

Institute of Mental Health Hotline: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

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I dont have something in particular on my mind, but just a general feeling of not wanting to be alive anymore. Everything is so complicated and no matter what I do I just make things worse for everyone. I feel like i have too many feelings and too many needs and I just wish i could disappear so nobody would have to deal with them.

Food, money, time, even the space I occupy.

Thank you for saying all that, I needed to hear it. I want to try to take a step forward, I don’t want to feel like this anymore. But I have nobody to talk to, and I don’t know how to ask for professional help. I also don’t want to add another financial burden onto my mom.

I read that u dont have anyone to talk to, i can chat w u if u r open to it.

As in u feel that u require a lot of basic needs? Are you working or still studying? Try not to need a lot of money spent on you other than the basic necessities? A lot of digital entertainment are free nowadays like games n what not. U can reach out to ur school counselor (which is free) if u r still studying for ur emotions n trauma.

I do relate that im a burden to my family too n wish that i dont exist, so that its better for them. I did attempt b4 but i and some ppl will feel that its running away n not taking responsibility as a burden and the only way is to get better n at least not be a burden

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i hear you, i’m sure it feels exhausting to go through the experiences you do while carrying the emotions that you have. i still struggle with the feeling of “am i being too much” when i think about confiding in my friends. But i do notice feeling a little lighter and less tensed when i try to share.

i was also reading your responses to the other replies here and it does sound like reaching out is something you wish to do, by taking a step forward. it takes courage to break the cycle of wanting to give up and i do believe you are taking steps to seek out support in other ways. sharing here is still an avenue more than what you had before and if you want to share more, i hope this can bring you a space to.

you deserve to take up space @sleepie and you deserve to feel supported. thank you for sharing with me the heaviness you feel.

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Hey buddy. Hope you’re doing well. I understand the burdensome crap you’re going through bruh. Frankly, I’d say I’ve grown apathetic to my incompetence and the burden I place on everyone emotionally, financially and physically bla bla, so I’ve gotten better at coping with it.

The guilt of being pathetic without being able to pay back the people around me for their kindness and love haunts me often. But when I weigh the pros of offing myself and actually continuing to exist, the trauma they’d experience is something you wish you’d never experience in your life too and hence why you could never do it either - you’re too kind to traumatize the people around you and hence why I think you should give yourself a little more credit dude. There’s at least ONE reason why people want to care for you and I believe your kind nature would be one of the MOST IMPORTANT reasons why people love you.

I really can’t say anything that will help you feel better and ease/soothe those burdensome feelings and thoughts you have. But I can say, I understand where you’re coming from bud. Push on bro. I’m not sure what your life purpose right now is… But if your lack of a focus is why you’re genuinely so overwhelmed by everyone’s kindness and you feel like you’re unable to thank them enough for it at this stage of life you’re in, I want to say live it through to your 20’s or 30’s and when you’re able to provide for everyone around you better, return the same kindness they’ve provided for you but twice as much if it helps you feel like your existence will make an impact on their lives❤️.

In the meantime, as everyone here had already advised, hope you’re constantly reaching out to someone to share your concerns and lift that weight off your mind to feel a small relief - humans are social creatures and we need to communicate our lives with others. Would be more than happy to hear you out lad. I hope you’re not having any unhealthy coping behaviours though… Please don’t hesitate to reach out to any of us bud!!!

You’re doing well enough considering you haven’t killed yourself despite the turmoil. You’ll get through the remaining time before you reach the stage where you can finally feel like things can be changed and are within your control bro. Time is an unbelievable healing factor which I’ve come to appreciate when it comes to building up an emotional fortitude - I have a strong feeling you will too in the near future. Don’t give up bro, we’ve all come too far to be quitting now​:speaking_head::100:. Love you dude.:people_hugging: Is there anything you’d like to share with us here right now? Sorry if I made some false assumptions @sleepie :sob::broken_heart:.

~ Saran

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