Im living a relatively comfortable life but i rarely feel genuinely happy and just feel like im floating through my days either bored or slightly empty. i also crumble very easily under the most miniscule pressure eg drawing but never feeling like my art has improved, a friend gives me a weird look and i feel like ive done something wrong that i desperately need to fix, having a slightly awkward first interaction with someone or not understanding the material being taught in school, and i immediately begin to have passive suicidal ideation and want to give up, run and escape from my problems/emotions (very passive i know i will never actually go through with it), and these small hiccups lead me to feeling very emotionally unstable even though i have very caring and loving friends and family, on top of no financial, health or any real world issues really. Why do i feel like this and how do i fix it?
It sounds like you’re carrying a weight that’s hard to name, even though everything in your life might seem fine on the surface. Feeling empty, floating through your days without a clear sense of joy or meaning, can be deeply unsettling. It’s as if you’re caught in a cycle where small bumps—like a friend’s odd look or a moment of awkwardness—feel like earthquakes, shaking your emotional foundation. That’s exhausting, isn’t it?
The passive suicidal thoughts you mentioned—though you know you’d never act on them—are still significant. They’re signals that something inside you feels stuck or overwhelmed, even if you can’t quite put your finger on why. It’s like a part of you is crying out for change or relief, but you’re not sure how to respond.
Have you thought about talking to someone about this, like a therapist or counselor? They can help you untangle these feelings and find steadier ground. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
you can start a gratitude list that helped me. Inside, u can include your caring frens n family. you can find n try new interests n meeting new ppl until something sticks to not feel bored or empty. I refered to the Marslow’s Hierarchy and realised that something that give me passion n meaning in life is very important. for me, that turned out to be creating passive incomes n a career i like tho I’m no where there yet.
Drawing wise, if u wanna improve in something, observe what the pros do n break down what they do to tiny digestable bite, chatgpt can do that n explain to u what made an artist or his/her art good.
I still ruminate about past cringe social interactions after therapy but i have to unds that i am human n mistakes will be made. even robots makes mistakes. How i cope is to try to learn from my mistakes n try again, that also prevents me from ruminating. ruminations happens only when im alone. Mistakes r lessons n lessons r steps for u to climb higher.
For not unds the material in school, ask chatgpt to break it down and explain it like u r a child. Normally not unds something is cuz our foundational knowledge still has holes in it n its best to fill up the holes. Learning programming is really hard for me n i used the method mentioned n it helps a lot.
For passive suicidal ideations, ive recovered from suicidal thoughts after therapy. What helps is creating lists of goals, gratitude, interests, passion, meaning, healthy coping mechanisms and therapist’s notes. Keep building them n look at them on your phone when u need to.
overall, look for ur school counsellor or a therapist.
im open to chat if u want
Hi, @User1644,
Thank you for sharing how you’ve been feeling—it takes a lot of courage to open up like this. From what you’ve described, it sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pressure to be perfect or to get everything “just right,” which can feel really overwhelming and unstable at times, but that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. These feelings are valid, and it’s clear you’re reflecting deeply on your emotions, which is already a big step.
Your description suggests that when things don’t proceed as expected, be it in your art, interactions with friends, or school, you become trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and frustration. That’s really hard to deal with, especially when you’re also feeling disconnected or “empty.” The good news is, you’re not alone in this, and there are ways to feel more in control.
As to why you feel like this, would you be able to recall when was the first time that you had such a similar feeling? How did you respond? That would have probably set the precedence.
Let’s think about a few small steps that might help you:
- Reframe How You See Setbacks: When something doesn’t go perfectly, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you need to fix everything right away. It’s okay to not have all the answers. Try reminding yourself, “This is just one moment, and it doesn’t define me.”
- Celebrate Small Wins: It’s easy to focus on what’s not working, but what about the things you’re doing well? Maybe it’s the effort you put into your art, showing kindness to a friend, or even just getting through a tough day. Acknowledging those moments can help shift your mindset.
- Practice Emotional Grounding: When you feel overwhelmed or start to spiral, try grounding yourself. Take a few deep breaths, notice five things you can see, hear, or touch, and remind yourself, “I’m safe, and I’ll get through this.”
- Talk About It: You mentioned having caring friends and family—lean on them. Sometimes just saying, “I’ve been feeling off lately” can lead to a really supportive conversation.
Lastly, I want to say how strong you are for facing these feelings and asking for help. You’ve already shown so much awareness and resilience by reaching out. Give yourself some grace; you’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Keep taking things one step at a time—you’re not alone in this. 
having a good life or what seems like a good life doesn’t negate what you’re going through 
it’s okay to feel this way and to reach out for help! the fact that you’re coming here and sharing this is already a great step and shows courage 