So since primary school I was like the weird kid because whenever I was in school specifically or I was excited, I would speak and do actions in a manner that o didn’t really think properly kind of like I was drunk(I’ve never been drunk before but I think that’s what it’s like). I find it a bit hard to control my movements. This is very different to me literally outside school and I don’t know why this is. Outside school me is a lot more moody although not all the time and I can’t control this. Even when I step out and take a few breaths, it still comes back. I am still the weird kid in secondary school and the moody side only came about really after starting sec school. Before that it was more neutral. I asked my bff what I should do and he told me to put on a mask. I might not be a realist but I don’t think I should do this even if it’s the right thing. I still have a lot of other problems but this is one of the main ones. I took an online bipolar test and it came out as negative so I don’t know if I have a condition or not.
Hi @user9409,
Thank you for sharing this, it takes a lot of self-awareness to notice these patterns in yourself and to think carefully about them the way you clearly have.
What you’re describing, the difference between how you are in school versus outside, the feeling of being less filtered or controlled in certain environments, these are genuinely interesting things to explore, and they don’t necessarily point to any one specific thing. A lot of people experience themselves quite differently across different contexts, and the shift into secondary school is also a period where a lot of emotional and social changes naturally happen.
On the online bipolar test, the results may not be really so I wouldn’t put too much weight on it.
Your instinct about the mask is worth trusting. Masking can help you get through situations but doing it constantly is exhausting and it doesn’t really help you understand yourself better or find people who genuinely connect with who you are.
Just to understand better, when you say you have a lot of other problems, how are you doing overall?
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