my best friend is depressed and has been since the start of last year, she self harms a lot and attempts regularly. My parents and literally everyone thinks if I self harm or become sad or like angry literally anything that slightly relates to depression like just being sad for a while= because I hang out with my best friend. But like I’m pissed cuz im sad sometimes because im sad not because of her why is it always her. And I’ve self harmed abit just because i wanted to prove to myself that they’re wrong it’s not like my whole life is sunshine’s and rainbows and that I have no reason at all to be sad like my parents used to fight so ■■■■■■■ much when I was younger and my mum ran away with me and my brother twice and they ended up getting a divorce when I was 9. And my now my mum is having financial problems plus additional to that I feel so alone it’s crazy like genuinely I don’t think anyone is there for me anymore it used to be my best friend but now I’m stepping on eggshells when I talk to her like I have to be careful not to mention anything sad plus I don’t even think she likes me the most out of all her friends she says and tells everyone I’m her bestfriend but honestly I don’t think so. And I do have other friends but they all think the same thing too if I’m sad or self harm it’s because I’m “influenced” by my best friend. I’m honestly so tired at this point
Hi @lightfilledfig1031 ,
What you shared with me sounds resally exhausting. Having to carry all of this while everyone around you keeps reducing your feelings to just “oh, it must be because of your friend.” You’re a whole person with your own history, your own pain, and your own reasons for feeling the way you do. None of that needs to be explained by someone else.
And honestly, what you went through growing up was a lot. Watching your parents fight, your mum leaving with you and your brother, the divorce. All of these things aren’t small stuff. That kind of instability leaves a mark, and it makes complete sense that it still affects you. You didn’t need anyone else’s influence to have reasons to feel sad or overwhelmed.
It must be really frustrating to feel like no one sees you as your own person. Like your emotions aren’t allowed to just be yours. That’s a really isolating place to be.
I want to gently check in about the self-harm. I hear that part of it was about proving a point to yourself and others, but I’m a little worried about you. It’s worth talking to someone about what’s been building up, not because something is “wrong” with you, but because you deserve actual support, not just people making assumptions.
On your best friend, it sounds like that friendship has become a bit of a tightrope walk for you. What makes you feel like you might not be her best friend, even though she says you are? Is it something specific she’s done, or more of a gut feeling?
Have you ever spoken to your school counsellor about any of this? Not just the self-harm, but all of it, the loneliness, feeling unseen, everything at home?