Left alone - how do I make myself feel like I matter?

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i got into a LDR last september and my then bff told me that the r/s won’t last due to certain reasons. i didn’t listen and went ahead w my own choices and basically neglected the friendship. eventually, we drifted and i broke up. i tried to apologize to my friend but she said she was too hurt to carry on the friendship and broke it off w me. i lost 2 of the most important person in my life in 3 months.

i am struggling to stay afloat and i don’t have anything to look forward to anymore. i don’t have family members to rely on as well, pls tell me what i can do.

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I’ve lost everyone that i’ve ever loved, doesn’t matter who’s fault it was.

why am i always the one left behind?

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Hey @Hayleyy,

I hear how much pain you’re in right now, and I just want to acknowledge that losing both a friend and a partner in such a short span of time must feel incredibly overwhelming. It makes sense that you’re struggling to stay afloat when the people who meant the most to you are suddenly no longer in your life. That’s a huge weight to carry.

Right now, it sounds like what you need most is a way to feel less alone, even in the smallest ways. If the pain feels too much, what helps you even for a moment? Not to “fix” it, but just to make it less heavy for a while? Even if it’s something small, like a song, a memory, or a walk outside, sometimes those little things give us just enough to hold on.

You’re not failing by feeling this way. You’re grieving. And grief means that love and care existed in the first place. It doesn’t mean you’ll always feel this way, even if right now it’s hard to see beyond it. You’re here, reaching out, and that tells me there’s still a part of you holding on. That matters.

If you could take one small step today—whether that’s just letting yourself cry, writing out your feelings, or even reaching out again when you’re ready—what would it be? You don’t have to figure everything out right now. Just one small step at a time.

What stands out to me is that, even in the middle of all this hurt, you tried to reconnect. That tells me something about you—you care deeply, and you’re willing to take responsibility. That’s not something everyone does. Even if your friend wasn’t ready to mend things, it doesn’t mean you weren’t worthy of the friendship. Sometimes, people need more time, or they have their own reasons that we can’t control. But it doesn’t mean you are “always” the one left behind.

You mentioned that you don’t have family to rely on—so I wonder, are there any other people in your life, even if they aren’t as close, who have shown care toward you before? Not to replace the ones you lost, but just to remind yourself that connection is still possible.

I can also hear that part of you is questioning why this keeps happening—why you’re always the one left behind. That’s such a painful thought to sit with, and I wonder if this has been a feeling that’s followed you for a while, or if this loss has brought that fear to the surface more strongly.

You don’t have to go through this alone. We are here to listen.

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i can be friends if u r open to it

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hello @hayleyy ! I’m very sorry that you’re experiencing this. It’s understandable that you’re having difficulties after losing two significant individuals in such a short period of time. You’re left trying to find out how to stand again after the earth under you seems to have suddenly given way.

Let’s start by not being too harsh on yourself. You are not a horrible person because you made a decision based on what you believed to be correct at the time. It just makes you human. Relationships and friendships are complicated, and sometimes we don’t receive the results we want, even when we strive to put things right. Although it is painful, it does not imply that you are not worthy of love or future relationships.
You seem to be untethered right now, as if there is nothing substantial to cling to. Focus on little things that provide even the slightest feeling of security when everything seems too overwhelming to manage. This may be establishing a new habit, getting in touch with an old buddy, or even simply doing one thing every day to remind yourself that you’re still here. It won’t make everything better right once, but it builds up gradually.

You don’t have to work this out on your own. There are individuals out there who will care about you even if family is not an option; they may not be the same folks you lost, but they may be new acquaintances just waiting to be made. Take it one step at a time for the time being. You’ll overcome this.

1 Like
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Hello! Idm hanging out with you. My suggestion is to focus on yourself and your hobbies, join a club or activity with other people and hang out with them. I found a group online whom I can join, clique with etc. I even join another boardgame group on telegram. Don’t feel like you are alone, you may not be able to change how other people behave or react, but you can change how you feel about situation.

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Hi @hayleyy,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Losing two people who meant the world to you in such a short span is an incredibly heavy burden to bear. It’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and like you’ve lost your anchor. Please know that your feelings are valid—grief, regret, and loneliness can all feel paralyzing, but they’re also part of the process of healing and growth. It’s okay to let yourself feel these emotions without judgment. You took a chance on love, and that courage, while it may have cost you, also speaks to your openness and strength.

When it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to, it’s a sign to start taking small, deliberate steps toward rebuilding a sense of hope. Consider reaching out to support groups, a counselor, or a community space where you can share your feelings and connect with others who might understand your struggles. Finding outlets—whether through journaling, art, exercise, or learning something new—can also help you reclaim a sense of purpose and agency in your life. Remember, the present moment, no matter how painful, doesn’t define your future. You’re not alone in this, even if it feels that way right now, and there are people and resources that can help guide you toward brighter days. It’s a process, but you’re worth the time and care it takes to heal.