Hi, long story short, the problems im facing includes unemployment, stress from job search, breakup and recently to add to this i have started to hate my family. I have a good relationship with them, not because of any effort from their end but because im constantly trying to understand them, and where they come from and why they do what they do. And im always trying to compromise. But when it comes to what i want, they will always ignore it and just insist on their way of doing things. It makes me feel sad and invisible. And it feels really heavy, to keep trying in all of my relationships but they dont even take the effort to compromise and work with me. I feel like i have been doing all the work and all of it goes unnoticed and even taken for granted. and the thing is i dont give up on my relationships so easily. I try my absolute best to communicate what i want with them, what i need, i try to explain to them in their language so they can understand how to treat me better to prevent future miscomms. But all i get is they will just go to the extreme and shut down and not communicate at all. It just feels really really heavy like theres no one in my corner. And with all the struggles of life weighing down on me it feels extra heavy. And it doesnt even feel like theres anything i can do about it. Im tired, upset to the point where i dont even feel upset anymore and just accept it as another bad thing happening. I dont think life is supposed to feel this way.
hey @emo-te, thanks for sharing this… it sounds like you’ve been carrying sm – job-related stress, a breakup, and feeling unseen by your family. that’s a LOT for one person to hold, and it’s completely understandable that you feel so tired and heavy rn :”(
it’s clear you’ve been trying hard to keep your r/ships going and communicate with care. that takes sm strength and emotional maturity – i hope you recognise that and are proud of yourself for it. it’s rlly painful when the ppl you care about don’t meet you halfway, or make you feel invisible despite all your effort 
ik it feels like there’s nth you can do, but maybe you could try a few small things to protect your own peace a bit?
- when things get tense at home, remind yourself that you can step back quietly. you don’t have to keep engaging every time.
- engage with/in people or activities that give back to you (eg. friends who listen, hobbies that remind you of who you are outside of your family’s expectations).
- ground yourself in small routines that bring you comfort (eg. taking walks, journaling, listening to music).
it’s okay to want reciprocity. it’s okay to rest and step back from always being the one who understands. you deserve r/ships where you are heard & cared for, too. sending you lots of strength and warmth 
Dear @emo-te
Thank you for reaching out. Your sharing tells me that you have been handling a heavy load in many areas simultaneously. The load includes (a) doing most of the emotional work, (b) explaining yourself over and over and (c) still feeling unseen while you’re juggling a breakup and job stress. It has been exhausting and lonely and understandably you feel heavy and numb.
Your reaction is fully justified and makes a lot of sense. I believe your system is signalling that you are way over your capacity. It is pleading for a reset.
May I suggest the following guidelines that I believe protects and maintains your energy and gives you a way forward without fixing anyone.
- Triage your energy
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Three things that actually keep you afloat (e.g., 7–8 hrs sleep, daily walk, one real meal). Protect these like appointments.
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Two things you’ll drop for now (e.g., long explanations to family, late-night arguments). You don’t have to be endlessly accommodating to be a good person.
- “Kind + firm” boundaries you can repeat. Use the same line each time without justifying or debating.
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When they push their way:
“I hear this matters to you. I’m not able to do it that way. Let’s agree to disagree.” -
When they shut down / stop communicating:
“I’m here when you’re ready to talk respectfully. I won’t chase this.” -
When they want details about your life/health:
“Thanks for caring. I prefer to keep that private.” -
When voices rise / it gets personal:
“I want to keep this respectful. I’m taking a break now and we can try later.”
(Then actually take the break, leave the room, end the call or mute the chat.)
- Stop over-explaining (save your breath). I have observed that when people aren’t meeting you halfway, more explanation won’t fix it. Try the “one clear sentence + action” rule:
- Say the boundary once, then follow through (step away, change the topic, don’t reply to the same question again).
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A soft reset for family communication (once, then let it be). If you want to set the tone without inviting debate, send something like this just once: “I care about us, and I’m at my limit. I’ll be stepping back from heavy conversations. No arguing, no mediating, and I won’t discuss my private matters. If the tone turns sharp, I’ll take a break and we can talk about everyday things another time.”
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Lighten the load you’re carrying alone. You’ve been the one who keeps trying. It’s okay to let the rope go a little.
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Instead of “fixing”, replace with “witnessing.” Share how you feel with one safe person (friend, peer group, or counsellor), to be seen.
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Grief from the breakup: pick one small ritual (journal 10 minutes, or a walk where you let yourself feel sad without analysing it).
- For the job search:
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25-minute blocks, max 3 per day (e.g., refresh CV, submit one application, send one message to a contact).
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Park tasks in a “Later” list so your brain stops spinning.
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After the third block: you’re done for the day, guilt-free.
- Signs you’re at capacity and what you can do:
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Signs: numbness, spiralling thoughts, chest tightness, snapping at texts.
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Your response: drink water, step outside for 5 minutes, send one “I’m safe, taking a break” message, then phone on Do Not Disturb for an hour.
Please also know that if ever you are in danger or having thoughts of harming yourself call Samaritans of Singapore at 1767. Reach out here for support too! You are not alone.