loneliness

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
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i feel alone. When i am in school i often feel judged by people when i walk alone and it makes me very uncomfortable

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Hey @user123456789 thanks for sharing your concerns :pleading_face: To be honest, the feeling of being judged especially when we are alone is quite normal. It must feel like all eyes are on you, and because we are alone so we are so immersed in our thoughts and become very self conscious. It is definitely not a pleasant feeling.

Although I don’t have much professional advice, but would just like to share how I try to overcome this problem.

  1. I distract myself with my phone or my book or other things surrounding me. That way I won’t feel so anxious about how others perceive me.
  2. Another way that I’m trying is to change my mindset. We often think that others are judging us and thinking about us, but then I ask myself - do I even pay attention to others or judge them when I’m walking on the hallway or just sitting? Chances are quite low as I was so immersed in my own world. So, it might be the same for others. Everyone may be in their own world and might not even notice us in their surroundings, less even to judge! This mindset has helped through countless times to feel more at ease and hope it can help you as well.

I know the feeling is not easy to shrug off, but with some practice, I believe we can develop a more confident self (and perhaps be able to challenge ourselves to watch a movie alone or eat alone etc). I’m open to talk about this anytime so feel free to share your thoughts or chat with me! :blush:

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i got used to it. did cca helped u to make friends? feel free to chat

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Hi @user123456789 ,

Thank you for sharing what you’re feeling. Are you ok to share more about your feelings about being judged and how we can help you? It’s really common that our mind plays tricks on us by making us believe that others are focusing on us more than they actually are. This is called mind-reading—when we assume we know what people are thinking, even when there’s no real evidence of it. Can you share more about what others are judging you for?

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Hello user123456789,

I hear that you feel judged by others for walking alone in school; I am sorry that you are feeling uncomfortable in school, a place in which you spend a significant amount of time each day.

If you would like to share, I would like to find out about how your feelings of being judged came into being. Did you come across something unpleasant while walking alone previously? Did your peers make negative remarks about doing things alone? I believe that it would be helpful for you to consider how you developed these feelings. There is nothing wrong with doing basic things like going to places and eating by yourself, but people may come to think otherwise from hearing negative opinions from others or having bad experiences previously.

While I cannot be certain about whether you are indeed being judged or not, I do think that people in general are far more likely to be concerned with themselves and their own problems than with other people, especially those whom they are not acquainted with. In time, I hope that you will no longer feel judged by others and burdened, and that you will feel comfortable walking by yourself in school.

Wishing you good health and better days ahead!

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Looking down when walking might help to take the focus off the harsh and uncaring stares of people. At least when you walk.

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heyy @user123456789 ,thank you for sharing this, i feel that a lot of people share the same concern of being judged when alone. I personally used to be scared of doing things myself when i was in secondary sch, and would always ask a friend or family to follow me everywhereee. and during the times where I was alone, it felt extremely uncomfortable and scary too. but over the years I’ve learned a few things to help overcome this fear of judgement when being alone.

  1. i keep reminding myself that people don’t pay as much attention to me as i imagine. if you think about it, it’s quite unlikely that you would closely analzye every single stranger that walks by, from their clothes to appearance to behaviors. a lot of the times, people are too focused on themselves to care or notice others.

  2. i like to maintain the mindset of “I’ll probably never see them again, so who cares”. this might not really apply in sch, but in public places like the malls or foodcourts, the chances of meeting the same strangers again are close to zero. even if you do meet them again, its unlikely that a stranger will remember how you look.

  3. lastly, exposure! a lot of the times, the best way to overcome your fears and anxiety is to just face it. for example trying to go places or do things alone every now and then. i know it may sound scary at this point, and thats totally ok. explore and build up your strength at your own pace, and you’ll eventually get there!

i know its not easy to overcome this fear of being judged alone, but im sure you’ll get there eventually with practice. wishing you the best! :blush:

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Hello @user123456789 :wave:t2:1 Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling! I think it comes across many individuals’ minds therefore you’re not alone. Previously I felt the same way too (such as dining alone, shopping alone, or simply doing things alone). However, I think, these days it’s really “normal” in society and sometimes we might feel like others are judging but perhaps they aren’t.

It’s also OK to spend some time alone yourself; it doesn’t affect your social standing or how other people see you. Although it might not feel like it at the time, others are probably not passing judgment as much as you believe. Perhaps when these emotions arise, try concentrating on something that lifts your spirits, such as listening to music or envisioning a goal you’re excited about :grin: