Lonely and desperate for intimacy

Current mid 20s male with mild autism, and I am struggling with touch deprivation and lack of intimacy, as I have never dated before in my entire life.

Due to having mainly male dominated hobbies and lack of experience with women near my age, I get rlly shy around em and dk if I can get them to accept me for who I am. But I still have the basic emotional need to feel connected to the opposite sex as I am still a straight male at the end of the day.

What shld I do to ease this urge and be more comfortable meeting women?

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I think the easiest way is to hang out in groups. Do you have any friend groups that are mixed or any friends who hang out with girls? Start from there and build your confidence to speak with them.

Before you even think about getting them to accept you, think about being a good conversationalist. Google how to ask good questions, ask them and just listen. Once you get the hang of having good conversations, you can start sharing more about your story - the more you share it, the easier it gets to share.

You’ll face a lot of rejections, especially at the start where people think you’re boring and stuff. But remember, it’s not just about you in the conversation, it’s about them too. People remember how you make them feel so if you can ask good questions, maintain a positive and platonic relationship at the start then you’re making good progress.

Let us know how it goes!


Hmm my advice would be to be as genuine as you can be to yourself and to others. Eventually as you go out and meet more people you will attract people who are attracted to your true self :+1:


Hi @user1079 :wave:

Thanks for being so genuine and courageous in reaching out and sharing your struggles with us. At the core of it, human beings are social creatures - everyone has a fundamental need for human connection, and it’s okay to seek support in fulfilling that need. So it’s completely understandable that you’re experiencing a strong need for connection and intimacy, especially given your circumstances.

One thing to keep in mind is that building relationships, especially romantic ones, can take time and patience. It’s normal to feel nervous or shy when meeting new people, especially if you’re not familiar with dating or socialising with women. Other users in this thread have already mentioned some great suggestions, and I’d like to add on some steps you can take to ease this process and increase your comfort level:

  1. Explore Shared Interests: While you may have predominantly male-dominated hobbies, consider exploring activities or groups where you can meet women who share similar interests. This could be through joining clubs, classes, or social events related to your hobbies or other interests. If it’s too nervewrecking to go for these alone, you could start by asking a trusted friend to come along. The idea here is that building connections based on shared interests can help create a more natural and comfortable environment for interaction.

  2. Practise Social Skills: It’s normal to feel nervous or unsure when interacting with women, especially if you’re not used to it. Consider practising social skills and conversation techniques to help build your confidence. This could involve role-playing scenarios with a friend or family member, or seeking out resources and tips online for improving social interactions.

  3. Take Small Steps: Building relationships doesn’t have to happen overnight. Start by taking small steps towards meeting new people and expanding your social circle. This could involve initiating conversations with women in social settings, attending social gatherings or events, or trying online dating platforms where you can connect with others in a more relaxed environment.

  4. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide guidance and encouragement as you navigate this process. A therapist can also help you explore any underlying concerns or barriers that may be impacting your ability to connect with others and provide strategies for overcoming them.

  5. Focus on Self-Acceptance: Remember that it’s important to prioritise self-acceptance and self-love throughout this journey. Embracing your unique qualities and strengths plays a big part in helping you to approach social interactions with authenticity and confidence. Building healthy relationships starts with being comfortable and confident in yourself.

It’s important to be patient and gentle with yourself as you navigate this process. Building connections and relationships takes time, and it’s okay to take things at your own pace. Keep an open mind, be willing to step out of your comfort zone, and trust that meaningful connections will come in time. You deserve to experience the joy and fulfillment that comes from connecting with others, and with perseverance and self-compassion, you can achieve that. :muscle:

Let us know how things go for you and if you have any further questions, ok? In the meantime, please take care and I wish you the best!