I used to be pretty happy and fulfilled i guess. But ever since i went into secondary school ( im 14 btw) my life has been horrible. I am generally pretty lonely because i have 2 friends, but i am the third wheel and i constantly have to put in a lot of energy (to talk to them, to be invested in their conversations etc.) and im not really happy but i don’t really have a choice because i can’t make friends with anyone else since ive tried and failed. I have this one friend (my best friend) which i heavily rely on to pull through my days because i cant rely on anyone else, and my parents tell me that they cant do anything about my current situation, but the relationship is slightly one sided and i need her much more than she needs me so im always there for her like constantly being online for her, sacrificing my own study time for her, and accepting her calls whenever she wants to call me. But when i feel alone and need her e.g. i want to call, she never accepts and she isn’t really there for me most of the time. I don’t have anyone else, i don’t really trust school counsellors and teachers, i’ve been to counsellors outside of school but i feel like they don’t really help, so i really don’t know what to do about my loneliness. Back to how i used to be a pretty good student i fell into online addiction last year when i got my phone and i haven’t truly recovered, like i don’t pay attention as much in class and i can’t really focus when i do my work. I generally feel unmotivated to do my work as i have so many friendship problems and is usually to overwhelmed with my own loneliness or is engrossed in staring at my phone to actually be productive. I know studying is very important for my future, and i really want to try my very best but i feel like ive been slipping, seriously not doing as well ( i used to get full marks or almost full marks for exams, now im struggling to get an A). I can see myself deproving and ive been wasting so much time everyday but i don’t know what to do. Because my marks arent what they used to be, i can tell that my friend has started to look down on me a bit and i feel terrible about myself. I also have an unstable relationship with my parents as i know they are trying to help me but sometimes im just really unhappy and shut them out, and things dont always work out when i talk to them. My parents and i have tried to limit my screen time like using parental controls etc and im used to it by now but i still feel like ive been wasting a lot of time. So all in all i am lonely, unfocussed, have low self esteem, doesnt have anyone else i can talk to, is concerned about my grades slipping and is unsure about the future. I really need advice on these things. Thanks for listening to my whole rant i guess.
Dear @fluttershy
Thank you for reaching out. Reading your post, I can see that you are facing challenges in different areas of your life, all at the same time. Not only are you experiencing loneliness, friendship stress, academic pressure, and low self-esteem, you are also anxious about the future. I believe just about anyone would struggle under that immense weight you are carrying.
I gather that you used to be a better student. I agree it is anxiety inducing to see near-perfect grades slide. I don’t think that you have become less intelligent. It is probably due to your emotional energy being drained by everything else going on in your life.
I also think a lot of your pain is connected to your friendship. It sounds like you have become dependent on one friend for support, but she has not supported you in the same way. It is understandable that you feel lonely and unsupported whenever she is not available.
I sense your phone is more of a symptom than the root problem. When someone feels lonely or overwhelmed, their phone becomes a source of comfort. That could be why limiting screen time often doesn’t completely solve the issue.
May I recommend addressing the anxiety and constant barrage of thoughts through grounding exercises that bring you back to the present moment. Do explore the mindline resources to learn self help exercises and techniques you can practise.
To improve your grades, I recommend a patient, steady and consistent approach. For example, focus on small wins starting with paying attention for one lesson, finishing one homework assignment, or studying for a short period without distractions. Consistency matters more than perfection.
Finally, I gather that your parents are trying to help, even if those conversations don’t always go well. That tells me you are not completely alone in this, even if it feels that way sometimes.
I find what you said earlier about wishing you could disappear a cause for concern. It would be good to reach out to the national mindline counsellors at 1771 for immediate support to address this. The hotline is available 24/7 and the counsellors listen non judgmentally. Having someone who cares listen to what you are feeling, thinking and going through will help you feel understood and validated. I believe you will be better equipped to navigate your path forward to improved wellbeing. Are you safe currently?
Yep I’ll definitely try out what you said tysm! 