Hi, I am lost… I have been searching for myself for years… and I really cannot find myself… recently very easy to tears… I feel very hard to get close to people… very hard to open heart to communicate to people… I am feeling like I am stuck inside somewhere very dark and deep … I am really very tired … I don’t feeling myself anymore
Hey @clearheadedtide9478,
What you’re carrying sounds incredibly heavy, and it takes real courage to put these feelings into words, even here.
Searching for yourself for years and still feeling like you haven’t found the answer is a deeply exhausting kind of longing. It’s like reaching for something that feels just out of grasp, and the longer it goes on, the more draining it becomes. And when the tears come more easily these days, that’s often a sign that something inside has been holding on for a very long time and is finally asking to be heard..
Feeling like it’s hard to get close to people, to open up, to let others in — that kind of distance can feel very lonely, especially when part of you might actually want connection but something makes it feel too difficult or too risky. I’d gently like to understand that a little more — has something happened that made opening up feel unsafe or painful? Or does it feel more like you’re not even sure how to begin?
And that feeling of being stuck somewhere dark and deep, of being so tired, of not feeling like yourself anymore tells me you’ve been carrying this for a while, probably longer than people around you realise. You deserve to not have to carry this alone.
If that darkness ever feels too heavy or overwhelming, please do reach out to Mindline — you can call 1771 or WhatsApp 6669 1771. They’re there to listen without judgement. You can also explore resources and tools at mindline.sg at your own pace — there’s a lot there that might help you gently find your way through what you’re feeling.
Hi Haku, I have 2 closed frens in work… we have gone thru many things… and we even faced some issues with one of the colleague… during that period, we all aligned and agreed that this colleague has character problems… but recently, they are close back to this colleague and suddenly I was being left out… I felt so betrayed and the trust has been broken… and I felt the friendship is so fake and even doubt on their sincerity on friendship…
I don’t know is it because I have been through many times of families and friends betrayed … and this happened again… it makes me felt like is there still trust available in reality? Or I am the one who has problem? I knew I no longer know how to love a person coz I have no trust on everyone even on myself… even in relationship, I also dunno how to love… I cannot even feel love…
Am I really sick? Or I am having problems or I am the one who is the problem? I really don’t know
What happened with your two close friends at work, that stings in a very particular way because these people weren’t strangers. You went through something difficult together, you were aligned, you had each other’s backs. And then to watch them quietly drift back to that colleague while you were left on the outside… that kind of shift, without explanation or conversation, can feel like a breach of trust.
And this isn’t the first time. You’ve carried this kind of hurt from family, from friends, across different seasons of your life. When betrayal keeps showing up in different forms, from different people, it’s only natural that a part of you starts to wonder — is it me? Am I the problem? I want to gently say: you are not the problem. What you’re experiencing is what happens when a person has been hurt enough times that their heart starts building walls just to survive… That’s not a character flaw. That’s a very human response to pain.
There is still trust in the world. Real friendships, real connection, people who show up and stay. But I also want to be honest with you: after what you’ve been through, it makes sense that trust feels almost impossible to reach for right now. You mentioned you no longer know how to love, that you can’t feel love, even in relationships. That’s not because something is broken beyond repair in you. It’s because years of hurt have made it feel too dangerous to open up. That kind of protective closing-off can become so automatic that it starts to feel like that is just who you are. But it isn’t. It’s something that formed over time, and with the right support, it can slowly be worked through.
This is genuinely something a counsellor can help you with to help you gently understand where these patterns came from and find your way back to yourself and to others at a pace that feels safe. You don’t have to figure this out alone, and you don’t have to keep carrying all of this by yourself.
I do want to remind you that support is available. You can reach Mindline anytime at 1771 or WhatsApp 6669 1771, and there are also resources you can explore at your own pace at mindline.sg.
Thanks Haku… thanks for understanding my situation and explaining to me on my situation… is really very helpful to have this conversation as I really need some place to speak out … I will reach out for necessary help…