Low libido


Me and my SO are 29,28 years old respectively. We have been together for 11 years, however, what’s bothering us(mostly me) is her low libido and it’s on the decline.

Nowadays after getting married, we only engages in sexual ■■■■■■■■■■■ for a maximum of 1 or 2 times a month and it’s already a push for her. I dont like the ideal of imposing this routine that she’s not comfortable with.

She can go a full year without engaging in sexual activities but I’ll be sexually frustrated as I have libido on the higher side.

What are the solutions that we can explore to address this issue?


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Hi @user938

Thank you for sharing with us your struggles, I hear you, and it’s understandable that differences in libido can be a source of concern and frustration in a long-term relationship. I commend you for the effort for seeking solutions rather than ignoring the issue.

Here are some suggestions you can consider:

  1. Open Communication: This is the foundation of addressing any issue in a relationship. Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Express your feelings and concerns, and encourage your partner to share her perspective as well. Avoid blaming language and instead focus on finding solutions together. You can also try this tool on having difficult conversations: Mental Support & Wellbeing Resources in Singapore to Improve Your Mental Health | mindline.sg

  2. Seek Professional Guidance: Consider consulting a sex therapist or a couples’ counselor. A trained professional can help facilitate discussions, provide insights, and offer strategies to improve intimacy. They can also help both of you explore the root causes of the discrepancy in libido. You can consider reaching out to Dr Martha Tara Lee who is one of the few certified Relationship Counselor & Clinical Sexologist in Singapore.

  3. Health Check: Sometimes, changes in libido can be linked to physical health issues or hormonal imbalances. Encourage your partner to consult with a healthcare professional to rule out any potential medical reasons for the decline in libido.

  4. Explore Intimacy Beyond Sex: Intimacy is not solely about sexual activity. Focus on building emotional and physical connection through other means, such as cuddling, spending quality time together, and engaging in activities that bring you closer. This can create a foundation for a more fulfilling sexual relationship.

  5. Evaluate Stress and Lifestyle Factors: High levels of stress, exhaustion, or changes in lifestyle can contribute to a decline in libido. Assess whether external factors are affecting your partner’s desire for intimacy and work together to find ways to alleviate stress or make positive lifestyle changes.

  6. Set Realistic Expectations: It’s essential to find a balance that works for both partners. While compromise is crucial, it’s also important to set realistic expectations. Both partners need to feel comfortable and respected in the relationship.

Remember that each relationship is unique, and the solutions may vary. The key is to approach the issue collaboratively, with empathy and a shared commitment to finding a resolution that works for both of you. If needed, seeking professional guidance can provide useful insights and support for both of you.

Do keep us updated on your plans and how your conversation with your SO goes. We are here to listen and support you. Take care and hear from you soon!


Yeah probably a good idea to not force it. Have you tried speaking to her about this issue? Maybe she has a different love language and only when she feels that her needs are fulfilled then she would be more open to fulfilling your needs too.