Hi,
I am seeking advise for my wife. Just give a little bit background.
My wife is a very introvert person, not talking much and not showing much emotion. Since our courtship day, when I do something to surprise her, her comment is just “Thank”. I asked her whether she can be more appreciative, and she said her “Thank” is sincere and she appreciated it. She also has insomnia problem even before I knew her.
Moving forward, we get married, and have a daughter. Currently 4 years old. I will say the pregnancy happening faster than our plan. We are in our mid30s that time, we are not young as well. We try to work it out as couple and move forward.
I mostly work in office, while she is work from home. We don’t have help from our parents. We hired a maid, but then she decided to terminate her. My child going to full day childcare. Our routine is morning until 8 p.m. usually my wife will take care of my child, and 8 p.m. onwards I will take care of my child. Household chore is mainly done by me.
Problems started to happen 2 years ago, her behavior started to change. She continue to be quite quiet most of the time, but I realize that she washed her hands more often than usual. And there is no more intimacy between us. I asked her if she felt any mental stress, she always brushed it off or just don’t reply me. I am pretty sure something is not right.
Now, she washed hand and legs likes every 5-10 mins, especially when our child is at home with us. Sometimes will scream during the process, and sometimes can change her clothes every 1 hour. Took shower for 1 hour, screaming and hitting the shower head to the wall. She kept playing either Buddhist chanting song, or Jesus song continuously in her laptop. I tried to see the history search, it is on “eliminating evil”. She also sometimes will using her hand to hit her head. When she go out, she can’t really wash her hands/legs every 5 - 10 mins, she will always have a bottle of hand sanitizer to spray on her fingers every 5 - 10 mins.
She also try to distant herself from our child besides doing necessary thing, like showering her or having meal. And she does not want to hug our child, except the need to hold her hand when going out. I am not sure if she felt my child is “dirty”, or she felt herself is “dirty”. And one time, my child cry and told me “Mama bites my hands while showering me”, and my wife just say “Sorry”. My child sometimes will ask to Mama “Why you dont answer me and dont want to play with me”, and Mama will not reply
It is really painful for me, and I am really lost. My wife keeps brushing this off.
How can I engage help for my wife, while she herself don’t want to share this to anyone (including me, her siblings, parents)? I am lost.