Marriage Advice

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
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Dear @anonymous307 ,

Thank you for sharing your feelings and concerns with us. I can only imagine how tough it must be for you to deal with all these strong and conflicting emotions. I’m really glad that you chose to be brave and reach out for support. Having the ability and willingness to express yourself and understand what you’re going through is a good first step. :+1:t4:

For the One Who Got Cheated On

Question 1: Is this depression?

The symptoms you’re describing could indeed be signs of depression, especially given the context of a significant betrayal. Constantly thinking a lot, feeling tired/restless, being overly emotional, feeling stressed, and doubting your partner are all common symptoms of depression and anxiety. The inability to destress due to surgery also adds to your emotional burden.

It’s important to note that depression can have various factors and is often confused with general feelings of low mood. The difference lies in how long and how severe the symptoms are. A mental health professional can offer a proper diagnosis, guidance, support, and treatment options to help you manage these feelings.

*Question 2: If it’s you, what would you do? Divorce or try to work things out? Or?

This situation is incredibly challenging, and it’s understandable to feel torn. Every relationship is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Here are a few considerations:

  • Therapy: Consider couples therapy and individual therapy to understand your feelings and the dynamics of your relationship.
  • Time: Give yourself time to heal and think about what you truly want.
  • Trust: Assess whether you believe you can rebuild trust with your partner.
  • Support System: Lean on your support system—friends, family, and professionals.

Ultimately, the decision should be based on what’s best for your mental health and well-being.

Question 3: If there’s no kid involved in this marriage, would your answer be different?

The presence of children can complicate the decision, as their well-being is a significant factor. Without kids, the focus would be solely on your needs and the relationship dynamics. However, the fundamental questions of trust, love, and willingness to work through the issues would remain the same.

For the One Who Cheated

Question 1: Are you only sorry because you got caught?

Thank you for your honesty. It must be difficult to confront these questions. Thank you for your bravery too. I suppose reflecting deeply on your motivations, can be helpful. Genuine remorse involves understanding the pain you’ve caused and a sincere desire to make amends, beyond just the fear of consequences. Here are some journal prompts for your consideration:

  1. Reflecting on Remorse:

    • How do you define genuine remorse? What does it mean to you personally?
    • Have there been times in your life when you’ve felt remorseful? How did you handle those situations?
    • What emotions arise when you think about the pain you may have caused others?

  2. Motivations and Actions:

    • What motivations or emotions typically drive your actions in difficult situations?
    • How do you think fear of consequences influences decision-making?
    • Reflect on a time when you faced a moral dilemma. How did you navigate it, and what did you learn from the experience?

  3. Understanding Personal Growth:

    • How do you envision making amends in a situation where trust has been broken?
    • What steps can you take to understand and address the root causes of your actions?
    • How can you cultivate empathy and understanding towards those you’ve hurt?

  4. Moving Forward:

    • Imagine a future where trust has been rebuilt. What does that look like for you?
    • What personal values or principles guide your decisions in relationships?
    • How can you practice forgiveness and self-compassion throughout this process?

Question 2: Do you really love your partner? If yes, why cheat? If not, why keep telling your partner you love him/her?

As powerful as love is, sometimes that alone isn’t sufficient. Love is the overarching umbrella, but beneath it are many other elements crucial for a thriving relationship. Cheating can stem from various issues such as unmet needs, personal insecurities, or momentary lapses in judgment. It’s crucial to identify the root causes. Communication, trust, respect, and empathy are all vital components that support a healthy relationship. Self-love is just as important. These elements help navigate challenges and foster a deeper connection between partners.

Consider how each of these elements plays a role in your relationship. How do you currently nurture these aspects, and where could there be room for improvement? Journaling about these questions can provide insights into your values, behaviors, and aspirations for your relationship.

Question 3: Your partner constantly doubting you, or gets angry/sad for little things that you do. Would you rather divorce and be in the new relationship?

This must be an incredibly challenging situation for you both. It’s crucial to consider the long-term impact of your actions. Rebuilding trust takes time and effort, and it’s natural for your partner to experience doubt and emotional turmoil. Especially if there are children involved, you’ll still be parents together and will need to collaborate in raising them. Deciding whether to stay and work through these challenges or to consider other options should be based on a sincere assessment of your commitment and the willingness of both parties to change and grow.

For the Innocent Kids

Question 1: If you’re the kid, would you be okay that your parents have to divorce?

Thank you for considering the impact on your children. This must be incredibly tough on them as well. Children typically want their parents to be happy, whether together or apart. Honest communication, reassurance, and ensuring their emotional needs are met are crucial. While divorce can be difficult, a household with unresolved conflict can be more damaging in the long run. The focus should be on creating a stable, loving environment for the children, regardless of marital status.

Navigating the aftermath of infidelity is challenging and complex. Professional guidance, open communication, and a focus on emotional well-being are vital for everyone involved. It’s important to recognise that while infidelity is incredibly painful, it often signals underlying challenges in the marriage that existed before the betrayal. Both partners can benefit from reviewing what other factors were not okay in the marriage. By addressing these underlying issues, couples can gain a better understanding of their relationship and make informed decisions about their future. Remember, the goal is to find a path that leads to healing and a healthy future, whether that means staying together or parting ways.

I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! :grinning:

Take care,
Cool Breeze =)

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