Maybe i should give up

Ask a Therapist Mental Health Conditions
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this might be too much for this site and i expect i will be judged if i am too gone to post here pls feel free to take it down

i got discharged from imh today after an overnight stay… i went there because i was having an issue where i was constantly taking every interaction i had w anyone as a sign they hated me and that made me suicidal and compounded to the point i nearly did it… i have really recurrent suicidal thoughts but they usually pass after a while and i was feeling happier in the morning so i left… nothing the docs can do for me anyw.. but now like after i left im having those same thoughts that everyone hates me because of stupid reasons like my dad waiting until he finished work to pick me up from the hospital and bc my friends arent responding to my texts… for context i have bpd i feel that might explain

im just feeling rll sad about this cycle im aware of and cant break, i feel like things are never going to get better… and i genuinely have goals and i dont want to die but all these difficult emotions leave me no choice… im just too weak for them… im not suicidal now but i know its just a matter of time and its sad and scary and a terrible way to live

i want to live a good life and do useful things but im paralysed by these emotions… i lived this time but i don’t think i’m going to last much longer even though i really want to

just wanted to get this off my chest :frowning:

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Hey @crabs, I’m really glad you’ve shared this! I gather that you’re overwhelmed by the emotions, about how you can’t stop yourself from thinking that everyone hates you, and it leading you towards suicidal thoughts.

I just want to say it’s okay to feel like you’re stuck. It’s difficult to change things overnight, and recovery often takes time. I can see you’re putting a lot of effort into improving the way you manage your emotions, and that’s really what’s important. Reaching out to your dad and your friends, or finding someone trusted to talk to is a healthy way to cope during depressive episodes. Your efforts will compound over time, and eventually you’ll see improvements in the long run.

It’s normal to feel frustrated and hopeless when these episodes strike, so keep faith that things will improve over time! We can start off with small little steps to cope with these emotions, such as making a self-care box with a collection of your favourite books, films, music, items, pictures etc, or write down all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and tearing it up.

You’re doing great, okay? Remember there’ll always be light at the end of the tunnel, so despite the challenges we stumble along the way or when things start looking bleak, we must believe we can and will reach the end of the tunnel! :heart:

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Dear @crabs

Thank you for sharing what you are struggling with. I am glad you did, it is a good first step. Please know this space is safe and you are not judged here. You are also not alone.

It is clear that what you are going through is very exhausting and scary. Wanting to live a good life but feeling pulled under by your emotions is something many people with bipolar disorder BPD or intense emotional pain experience. It means you’re struggling with something hard.

I have observed that with BPD, emotions can feel extreme and quick to change, for example, feeling close to someone in the morning, and by the afternoon feeling abandoned or hated because of small cues (like a delayed text, or a parent being late). Your brain is reacting as if rejection or abandonment is happening right now, even when the evidence doesn’t fully match. That mismatch is deeply painful but please know it’s part of how BPD affects us.

May I suggest the following for you to consider:

a)Ground yourself when the “everyone hates me” thought comes in. Try saying out loud or writing: “This is my BPD talking. It feels real, but feelings are not facts.”

b)Check for alternatives: “My dad finished work before picking me up, that doesn’t equal hate. Friends not replying may just be busy.”

c)Ride the emotional wave. Remind yourself: “This feeling will pass.” Panic and suicidal urges rise and fall like a wave, usually peaking in minutes, then slowly ebbing. If you can delay acting on urges, you give the wave time to settle.

d)Use grounding or sensory tools. Hold ice cubes, splash your face with cold water, do paced breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 6). These calm the body so the mind can catch up.

From my interaction with others, I have observed that with appropriate therapy, BPD can be treated through equipping us with skills designed specifically to manage BPD. This includes skills to handle overwhelming emotions, reduce suicidal urges, and build healthier relationships.

You said you’re not suicidal right now, but you’re worried it will come back and I think that’s an important insight. Please therefore keep these contacts handy:

  • Samaritans of Singapore (1-767, 24/7) or text them at 9151 1767.

  • If you ever feel you’re in immediate danger of acting on your thoughts, please call 995 or go to the nearest A&E.

May I encourage you that instead of carrying this whole weight alone, try writing down:

-One reason you don’t want to die (you mentioned goals, wanting to live a good life).

-One safe action you can take the next time the cycle starts (calling a hotline, holding ice, messaging a friend).

Even one small action can break the spiral in that moment so get started soon. Keep reaching out here for support whenever needed. Don’t give up, continue by taking steps forward, it will be worth it.:yellow_heart:

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thank you :”)

i don’t have bipolar disorder tho haha, im borderline, don’t even like to say it bc of the stigma

im too exhausted and unmotivated to do anything i like or productive :frowning:

thank you for the suggestions tho, ill try to try them :”)

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Dear @crabs

Thank you for the clarification :slight_smile: !

Yes, many of us with bpd can certainly relate to feeling too exhausted from the emotional changes we experience to have any spare energy or motivation to pursue what we like.

However, not doing what we like affects us; we may experience less joy or satisfaction and I believe that feeds the bpd cycle.

May I gently nudge you to consider taking one very small step as a start which is related to what you like.

Thank you, too, for the openness to try out some the suggestions in the earlier post. :yellow_heart:

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I believe in positive self-talk!!! You are not too weak to handle these challenging emotions, you can achieve your goals, you can live a good life and the next moment to try is the next second~ when we are low in our capacity, we get defeated by our negative self-talks and doubts… So if you are not feeling great on certain days, give yourself full permission to do what makes you happy, to fill your own cup, to do sth you know you like and enjoy the process without worrying about the other things!! Then maybe you’ll find surprises along the way!!! :heart_hands:t3:

You’ve come so far and you’ll get there :blush: one step at a time :flexed_biceps:t3: we are here along with you on the journey ahead!!!

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