Need advice on building trust again

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My partner betrayed my trust few weeks ago. He crossed my boundaries and lied about a specific thing that I don’t like. I caught him and you can imagine the rest lol. It really hurts and i’m not sure how to deal with it.

He apologised and took accountability, gave me ways to earn his trust again. He also tells me he understands this will take time. Im stupid bc I still want to be in the relationship. I feel this can help us grow stronger? Idk? But i just cant stop thinking about it and its affecting me and our relationship. I’m just scared when i get comfortable again he will go back to his old ways. I really dont want to give up but my mind says otherwise.

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Hi @gaarawr ,

I want to pause with you here for a moment. The hurt you’re feeling is real. Something that mattered to you was crossed, and it makes sense that your body and mind haven’t settled yet.

Before thinking about what to do next, it might help to gently check in with what you’re actually feeling underneath all the noise. Is it anger? Sadness? Fear? Or a mix that keeps changing? Naming the feeling isn’t about analysing or fixing it, it’s about giving it some space so it doesn’t keep spilling over into everything else.

For now, try putting your partner slightly aside. Not because what your partner did doesn’t matter, but because you matter first. When we’re still hurt, the mind keeps looping because it’s trying to protect us. It’s very hard to think clearly about a relationship when the emotional wound is still open.

Something important here isn’t just what happened, but what it meant to you. Betrayal often hits deeper values like trust, respect, safety, feeling chosen. Understanding what this crossed for you helps clarify why it’s been so hard to move past, even with an apology.

You mentioned that he took accountability, and that’s meaningful. But trust usually comes back only when we feel that the other person truly understands how the situation affected us, why it mattered, and what we need going forward. Until those things feel fully acknowledged; emotionally, not just logically, it’s normal to stay guarded.

Values sit at the core of any relationship. When they feel shaken, boundaries become even more important. Giving yourself time to understand your own expectations, and whether those values are still shared and respected, can help you regain a sense of steadiness.

You’re not stupid for wanting to stay. And you’re not wrong for feeling unsure. Both can exist at the same time.

You don’t have to decide anything right now. For the moment, being kind to yourself and letting the feelings settle is already doing something important.

What do you notice in your body when you think about staying versus leaving?

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I’m really sorry this happened. What you’re feeling makes a lot of sense, having your trust broken can shake you deeply, even when the other person apologises and tries to make things right. There’s nothing stupid about still wanting the relationship. Loving someone and being hurt by them can exist at the same time, and that tension is incredibly hard to sit with.

It’s also very normal that you can’t stop thinking about it. Your mind is trying to protect you now hence it’s on high alert because something that felt safe suddenly wasn’t. That doesn’t mean you’re weak or overreacting; it means the wound is still fresh. Trust doesn’t reset just because an apology happened.

It’s okay to take your time here. You don’t have to decide right now whether this will make you stronger or whether you should walk away. What matters more is whether his actions continue to align with his words over time, and whether you feel safe enough to express your fear and hurt without being rushed to “move on.”

Your fear that he might repeat it is understandable. Rebuilding trust isn’t about convincing yourself to be comfortable again, it’s about watching patterns change consistently, and allowing yourself to respond honestly if they don’t. If staying is something you choose, it should be with space for your feelings, not pressure to suppress them.

You’re not wrong for wanting to try. Just remember that your wellbeing matters as much as the relationship. Be gentle with yourself while you figure out what you need to feel safe again. <3

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