Should I break up?

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I am in a relationship from last 8 years!
Last year, she lied to me about a boy whom she met by telling me that she is going to library. I saw her sitting with him in a garden and clicking pictures. Upon confronting, she apologised and said it was all of a sudden.
I am not able to forget this incident from last two years and that’s the main issue that I am not able to trust her any longer. This is affecting our relationship and our mental health. Should I break up(

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It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of pain and uncertainty in your relationship. Trust is fundamental in any relationship, and it’s understandable that this incident has deeply affected you.

Before you consider a breakup, maybe can ask yourself a few questions like

  • whether there’s a commitment from her to rebuild trust and transparency with you
  • whether you believe that you can move past this and rebuild a stronger relationship
  • beyond this incident, are there other aspects of the relationship that bring you happiness and fulfillment?

Reflecting on these questions can help you gain a clearer perspective on whether this relationship is worth continuing or if it’s healthier for both of you to move on.

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Dear @Itsme5543,

Firstly, thank you for reaching out to us on this platform. Dealing with doubt and mistrust can be incredibly challenging, and I commend you for your courage in opening up about your experiences. I also want to acknowledge your resilience in managing these emotions over time. It takes strength to confront such feelings, and your willingness to seek support and explore your thoughts is commendable.

It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a challenging situation. Trust is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and it’s understandable that you’re struggling with it after what happened. It’s important to consider your feelings and the impact this incident has had on your mental health and the relationship as a whole.

Breaking up is a significant decision and should not be taken lightly. Before making a decision, it might be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Express how this incident has affected you and your ability to trust her. Listen to her perspective as well, as understanding each other’s feelings is crucial for any resolution.

You could also consider seeking support from a counsellor or therapist. They can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore your feelings, improve communication, and work towards rebuilding trust if that’s what you both want.

Ultimately, the decision to break up or stay together is yours to make based on what feels right for you and your well-being. Take the time you need to reflect on your feelings and consider all options before making a decision.

Journaling can be a helpful tool for gaining insights and clarity. Here are five reflective questions you can consider:

  1. What are my core values and needs in a relationship? Reflect on your fundamental values, such as trust, respect, honesty, communication, and emotional support. Consider whether these values are being met in your current relationship and how important they are to your overall happiness and well-being.

  2. How has the incident affected my trust and mental health over time? Explore the impact of the past incident on your ability to trust your partner and how it has influenced your mental and emotional well-being. Consider any patterns or recurring thoughts and feelings related to trust issues.

  3. What efforts have both my partner and I made to rebuild trust and address the underlying issues? Evaluate the steps taken by both you and your partner to address the trust issue and improve the relationship. Reflect on whether these efforts have been effective and sustainable in rebuilding trust and resolving conflicts.

  4. What are my hopes and fears about the future of this relationship? Consider your aspirations, fears, and expectations regarding the future of your relationship. Reflect on whether you see potential for growth, improvement, and happiness together or if there are persistent concerns and doubts that are difficult to overcome.

  5. How do I envision my ideal relationship, and does my current relationship align with that vision? Envision your ideal partnership in terms of communication, trust, emotional connection, support, and mutual goals. Compare this vision with the reality of your current relationship and assess whether there is alignment or significant discrepancies.

Journaling about these reflective questions can help you gain clarity, identify underlying emotions and patterns, and make informed decisions about whether to continue working on the relationship or consider other options such as a breakup.

I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! :grinning:

Warm regards,
Cool Breeze =)