I have been sitting on what to do for a while.
My gf and her father are on very bad terms. Recently, he contacted me and told me about something my gf did that was overboard and tldr he does not ever want to be associated with her (and by extension, including me) so no contact at all.
I can see why he would think that my gf went overboard, but i can also see from the perspective of my gf that it was more of ignorance and overlooking because of an in-the-moment negative emotional state.
I just am so lost over this situation because it has scaled to something that is extreme to the point of complete cut off. I love my gf and i strongly believe in marriage being the union of both individuals and their families. Hence, it is hard to foresee a future and this is eating at me and causing me anxiety. I cannot stop thinking about this and this is such an uncertain situation. It is uncomfortable and I am yearning some semblance of control over this situation.
I am looking for advice as to what my next step should be. I am not considering running away from this situation but i want to solve it (or at least deescalate and ride out the emotions). What should my next step be? How should I act? How do i resolve this entire situation in an amicable way?
Hi @anonymous276
Thank you for coming here to share your struggles with us. From your sharing, it sounds like you have good self-awareness and know what you want for yourself. Feels like you have been a person with control in life and this situation is making you feel a little lost as you don’t seem to have much control.
It is helpful to know that every family has their own culture and own ways of doing things.
I see that you have a good sense of how a healthy family relationship looks like, and I really appreciate that you are trying your best to help your girlfriend build a relationship with her father.
Perhaps, you can have a conversation with her about your concerns and hear from her perspective on how she would like to be supported. Even if her decision does not align with your beliefs, it is important to validate her feelings and not impose too much on her decision or control their family dynamics.
If this relationship is important to you, standing by her and supporting her in how she would like to be supported might be helpful. Also, do give her some time to reflect on her current situation. Perhaps, as time goes by, she might be able to find a compromise that works well for you and her.
I think that you are a very good person and that her father respects you as well. Thus, telling you of his decision and reasons for doing so. Do give both of them some time as they could be still processing this on their own. You can also try to find out more from your girlfriend about how the family used to resolve their issues in the past. Maybe taking a break from each other is their way of managing conflicts.
I hope this is helpful and that things get better for you and your girlfriend.