Dear @Whiteroses_05 ,
Thanks for sharing and it’s clear that a lot of things are happening and looking challenging to manage at home.
You mentioned “I can’t even have a peaceful conversation with him”… it sounds like you have been trying very hard to hold things together at home, but when you bring up money, it quickly turns into conflict.
It also comes through that you have been putting in a lot as a parent. Raising five children, trying to guide them, helping when they fall short, and still worrying about what might happen if you stop supporting them financially… that is not nothing. There is real care and effort in what you are doing.
Your lived experience also matters here. The way you are looking at money, responsibility, and not wanting your son to borrow from friends shows values that are worth noting. You are not only reacting to his spending. You are thinking about stability, consequences, and what keeps a family steady.
At the same time, children around this age often form strong beliefs about who they are and how they want to live. Because of that, their view of freedom, money, and independence may not sit neatly with the values parents have built from lived experience.
That gap can create friction. Often, both sides want the other to change, and both feel they are right to begin with. Then the conversation becomes less about understanding and more about defending a position.
From what you shared, this does not sound like a parenting failure. It sounds more like both of you are trying to feel safe and stable in different ways. You are trying to protect the home and manage limited finances. He may be trying to protect his independence and how he wants to live. When both feel threatened, it becomes harder to hear each other.
If you would like, one way to guide the conversation is to keep it simple and grounded:
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Recognise your feeling first
Notice the fear underneath the stress. The financial situation feels unstable, and that can make you worried about how the home is coping.
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Affirm the meaning of the situation
This matters because finances are strained, and you are already carrying the responsibility of managing the household. Your concern is not small.
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Express your fear and expectation clearly
You can let your son know that you feel afraid when money runs out so quickly, and be clear about what you hope for in how finances are managed. At the same time, ask him what his expectations are about financial support, so both sides are spoken out loud instead of guessed.
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Work towards shared safety
The aim is not to win the argument, but to find a way of managing expenses that helps both of you feel more secure and less defensive.
This may not change everything at once, but it can help move the conversation away from blame and closer to clarity.
If the stress continues to build, it may also help to speak to someone for support as a parent. You can contact National Mindline at 1771 to talk through the situation.
For now, it may help to focus less on who is right, and more on how both of you can feel safer talking about money.