Need help with IBS + Anxiety management

Ask a Therapist Treatment & Recovery
1

I am back again… after 4 months with another post about a job that I accepted in April after retrenchment in 2023 and only had a temp job last year.

I ended up quitting because I’ve finally realised that I’m just not up to my previous position anymore, that it’s not a life that I want. I managed to get a temporary administrative position again but the unknown future causes me to have IBS. My gp has given me medicine for both my bowel and my mood but sometimes I would just have anxiety attack while working or on weekend for no reason and I would end up in a spiral of negative thoughts.

I’ve been listening to guided meditation for sleep and breathing exercises for when anxiety occurs but sometimes it just doesn’t help. Because of IBS, I have lost so much weight that I barely have energy and because I have no energy, it causes me to have anxiety whenever I need to eat or just living my daily life. I’ve been trying to eat more/better but sometimes when it hits I just can’t eat. It’s just a terrible terrible loop.

I need to start looking for another position soon and I feel it would be better for me if I have a permanent position but with how bad sg market is, I’m not sure if I can get one and I also don’t know what position I should look for with my current state. Will my condition continues even until next year? Will my employer be accepting and kind enough to guide me past this horrible time? Or will I end up in a toxic workplace? Just the thought of it scares me. And again the loop will be triggered. I’ve approached career coach because I need help but still, the spirals comes when it wants to.

I’ve look up on ways to cope with it through youtube videos and I know that accepting it is the only way for long term and the more I try to cope during anxiety attack, the more I am training my brain to flight.

I try to get more sun, try to exercise, try to write my worry, try to accept. My family doesn’t understand. They say I am too free that’s why I spiral but sometimes it’s not in my control. My stomach can start aching and my spiral starts or my spiral starts so my stomach starts to ache.

I know it takes time, I know I need to live in the present, I know how to manage logically but sometimes it just feels like a difficult challenge that I can’t help to question can I get my life back.

I’m not a shame of it because I know that I am not the only one with it and can still function normally unlike people with stronger reaction but sometimes I just feel alone. I know it’s a fight that only I can overcome but I just don’t know how, what is right, how long do I have to fight alone.

After being a problem solver as a programmer for so many years, after allowing my brain to think of the worst situation to solve after so many years, now being asked to not solve, to not think, to just accept sometimes just makes it so so hard.

I don’t want to rely on medicine because I know it’s not the right way to go for long term but I just don’t know what I should do. People are suggesting TCM to me but I’m not sure if it’s “right” if it helps.

I just don’t know anymore…

2

Hi there proudsheep3633, thank you for reaching out today!

I am sorry to hear how much you are going through at this moment, what you are describing is exhausting in a very specific way. The fact that you are able to articulate and share what you are experience so clearly shows that you understand so much about what is happening to you. Even after doing so much, reading, using the tools you learnt, and seeing a GP for medication, it still hurts. That must be really frustrating, but it does not mean you are doing it wrongly.

The observation you made about being a programmer is really insightful. You’ve spent years training your brain to anticipate problems, think through worst cases, and solve. That’s not just a job skill; it becomes a way of being. And now you’re being asked to do the opposite. That’s not a small ask. It makes complete sense that it feels so hard.

Even with everything going against you, you are still fighting back by trying to get more sun, exercising, journalling, looking ahead while living in the present, and continuing looking for another position. That is truly a commendable effort.

I do want to push back on the part on medicine, it is understandable to think that it is not the right way to go but it does provide enough stability to do deeper work. It is best to share your thoughts with your doctor to see if what you are currently on is the right fit, and also seeing if mental health professionals might help alongside it.

As for TCM, I won’t and can’t advise much regarding it. If you want to try it, it is best to do your own research on it before diving into it. If you need further support or resources, you can always reach out to Mindline at 1771 or WhatsApp 66691771 to speak to a counsellor.

3

Sometimes I feel the worst I slept, the worse my following day is. But the more I want to rest well, the more I will wake up before my alarm.

Is it a “bad” sleep with nightmare? No. But I just simply wake up at random timing, sometimes 3 sometimes 4 and sometimes 5. And usually I just continue to feel exhausted. And when I feel exhausted, the more my brain wanders on random things.

Sometimes crying the shyt out helps to loosen the anxiety and I can go “oh it’s just hormones since my period is late” or “oh it’s just you being exhausted” and I can get back to whatever I’m doing but I can’t control when the tears drop and I also don’t want to worry the people around me be it wfh or wfo.

I want to get better and I’m doing things to get better (exercise, probiotics, balance my meal, get some sun, etc.) but it sometimes feels like an endless fight. Like I’ll not get better. I’ll be stuck in this.

4

This feeling of wanting to rest more but due to it you will wake up before you alarm which makes you tired throughout the day is really frustrating. When it comes to sleep, it might sound counter intuitive but if you do not find yourself fall asleep, don’t force it, the more you force it the more you will stay awake. Think of it like someone telling you to not think of a pink elephant. You weren’t thinking about but once someone told you not to, suddenly you are thinking of one and the more you try to not think about it, the clearly the image in your mind becomes. Same goes for trying to fall asleep, the more you force it, the more your mind becomes active which in turn makes it harder for you to sleep. Times like these, try to leave the bed and do something else, like reading a book, going for a walk (around the living is fine), anything other than using a screen until you feel sleepy enough to try to fall asleep.

As for randomly waking up at night with no reason, you might want to speak to a doctor or a sleep specialist if this has been happened for some time. On the part of crying, it definitely helps, it is a good coping method to let out some pant up emotions. However, it is understandable that it might cause concerns for others who are seeing you cry and that you do not want to worry. I do urge you to share with someone friends or family that you trust about what you are going through now, having someone to support you will help in times like these.

I hear you on wanting to get better and doing the things to get better but sometimes feels like an endless fight. I won’t change how you feel nor am I trying to dismiss it, there will always be moments in anyone life when they are sick or going through something that seemingly does not end no matter what they do. It’s like when you are sick, you won’t know the feeling of not being sick and vice versa. What I am trying to say is that think of the times in the past when things were better and that nothing is permenant, this moment will past but during it, please get as much support as you can. You don’t have to do it all alone.