November - can’t wait for things to get better ❤️‍🩹

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I used to be so afraid of celebrating my birthday with loved ones, preferring to be alone on my birthday, traveling overseas. Due to circumstances, I will not be overseas this year.

(For context, growing up my dad always somehow will scold me on my birthday or he will never spare me of his scoldings even on my birthday so I always associate my birthday as nothing positive. So I just have a irrational fear of celebrating w family)

Somehow, the fear of my birthday has gotten to be the fear of the whole birthday month instead and it has started before the month started (ie Oct) since 2 days ago, I barely gotten any sleep, having all sorts of irrational thoughts.

When good things happen, I can’t believe it and I’m so afraid of jinxing them. When bad news happen, I just take it in my stride. As much as I would like to manifest all the positive energy, I live in so much fear especially this month.

I can’t wait for everything to just turn around for good and for this month to end.

Am I just weird or what.

2025 is just so hard on me :tired_face::tired_face::tired_face:

2

hello, thank you for sharing, and I understand that you are worried about celebrating with your loved ones due to past experiences, I understand it can be quite stressful, especially since your birthday is a day to celebrate you. perhaps you can take your birthday off as a “me time”, where you can just do soemthing you enjoy. :heart_hands:

3

That’s what I did. When my friends arranged a dinner with me on my actual birthday, I readily agreed and informed my parents first thing. Instead, my mom immediately went into a guilt trip, questioning my decision not to celebrate with them.

I had shared my fear of celebrating my birthday with my family with her before, but it seems she doesn’t understand. In fact, she never tries to empathise with any of my mental health issues or try to show care and always dismisses my concerns by saying, “So, you’re blaming your parents for everything.”

But honestly, I don’t choose to be highly sensitive or have mental health issues. Isn’t it really the best for everyone that I choose to isolate myself or go out on my birthday to reduce any potential conflict?

4

Dear @Wildflower

Thank you for writing in and sharing about your past experiences with birthdays. Please know that you are not weird. It’s understandable from what you shared about your past experiences that you associate birthdays and the lead up to it with fear, tension, and emotional unpredictability. This conditioning can run deep; even years later, the nervous system remembers and anticipates the threat, even if logically you know you deserve a joyous day.

May I gently recommend:

-You don’t have to force yourself to love birthdays right away. You can redefine what they mean on your own terms, slowly and kindly.

-Name it without judgment. You’re not overreacting, in fact you’re reacting to memories that taught you to protect yourself.

-Create new micro-rituals. Instead of “celebrating,” maybe try a quiet kindness for yourself: a walk, a small gift, a tasty meal. Let safety come before celebration.

-Separate then vs. now. Sometimes saying aloud, “This year is not that year. I am not that child anymore,” helps remind your nervous system that the present is different.

-Ground when spiralling. Short breathing or grounding practices (like naming 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, etc.) can calm the body when fear starts looping.

-Talk it through. If possible, do work with a counsellor to process the past. Also come up with possible ways to get through the month. I genuinely believe it can really help take away its doom filled grip on you.

From what I know, many of us also carry complicated emotions about “happy” occasions. Many of us remain stuck.

However, with your high level of self awareness, I believe you will be able to chart out a new pathway that associates birthdays as a safe occasion. Start with small steps towards this new pathway and keep going. Sending you warmth and care.:yellow_heart: