I dont like cutting my skin cause its obvious that im hurting myself. but i find….joy? in cutting my nails till it bleeds..it feels…nice..but i cant seem to feel the pain anymore cause its…numb.. or i like picking my lips till it bleeds too. My parents told me to stop but i cant. i do this everytime.. stressed out or not.
Dear @user219944 ,
I’m really hearing that the “nice” part isn’t about wanting pain. It sounds more like the emotional weight is too much to hold, and a physical sensation briefly cuts through it - a distraction that creates distance from the misery. That makes sense in a body that’s overwhelmed.
At the same time, that relief can be a bit of a trick. It feels like it helps, but it doesn’t actually touch the hurt underneath - it just pulls your attention away for a moment. And when it fades, the body asks again.
What feels important to name is this: you matter, and you’re noticed here. The kind of suffering you’re describing doesn’t always show on the outside, but it’s real.
What your body may be asking for isn’t more sensation - it’s support, closeness, and someone to sit with you while the feelings move, even when there aren’t clear words yet.
Before talking about stopping anything, it might help to pause at the numbness. When it shows up, does your body feel empty, tight, or restless? And after you pick or cut your nails, does the calm stay, or does it slip away pretty fast?
For now, the priority is care and safety, not fixing yourself. If you can, try letting your body get contact without injury - sitting near someone you trust, holding something warm or heavy, or even just being in the same room as another person.
Sometimes the nervous system needs company more than control. Self-hurt here looks like a distraction, not a solution. And that doesn’t make you weak, it tells us the pain underneath hasn’t had enough support yet. There are ways to help with that kind of invisible hurt, and you don’t have to carry it alone.
We can take this slowly. You don’t need to disappear or prove anything. Being seen, right now, already matters. When ever you are ready, tell us…