Recently, my partner and I had a disagreement that significantly impacted our relationship. I acknowledge that the conflict was primarily my fault, and subsequently, her demeanor towards me became notably distant after we decided to take a break. I genuinely miss the way she used to be. I am aware that she has certain trust issues, but since the incident, I have been experiencing panic attacks whenever she expresses uncertainty. I am actively working on managing my overthinking tendencies to address this issue effectively.
Dear @Juicy ,
Thank you for coming here to share your experiences with us. It sounds like you’re navigating a tough situation in your relationship, and it’s admirable that you’re taking ownership of your part in the disagreement. Recognising the impact of our actions is the first step towards healing and reconciliation. Well done! 
I can see from your thoughtful reflection that you deeply value your relationship and are committed to improving it. Your willingness to acknowledge your feelings and actively work on managing them shows signs of emotional intelligence and maturity. It’s evident that you’re invested in understanding yourself and your partner better, which is crucial for building a strong foundation in any relationship. 
Disagreements are common and natural in healthy relationships. What often matters more is how we repair and reconnect afterwards. This ability to repair can provide reassurance that it’s okay to have disagreements without fear of abandonment. Here are some basic repairing skills you can consider:
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Active Listening: Practice active listening by fully focusing on what your partner is saying without interrupting.Paraphrase back what you hear to offer understanding and validation.
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Taking Responsibility: Acknowledge your part in the disagreement and apologise sincerely if necessary. Avoid blame and focus on finding solutions together.
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Compromise: Be willing to find middle ground or solutions that meet both your needs. This shows respect for each other’s perspectives and fosters cooperation.
Panic attacks can serve as protective mechanisms triggered by deeper emotional issues beyond the recent disagreement. Uncovering the root cause of these reactions can reduce their intensity and frequency, benefiting both your personal well-being and the health of your relationship. Seeking support from a therapist or counsellor can provide valuable insights and coping strategies to manage these challenges effectively.
Here are some steps you can consider:
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Open Communication: Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to discuss your feelings and progress. For example, set aside time each week to share how you’re feeling and what steps you’re taking to address your overthinking tendencies. Use “I” statements to express yourself without placing blame, such as “I feel anxious when…” or “I’m working on managing my overthinking by…”
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Seek Support: Consider seeking support from a couples therapist or a trusted friend or family member who can provide guidance and perspective. A neutral third party can help facilitate constructive conversations and offer strategies for rebuilding trust.
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Self-Care: Prioritise your emotional well-being by practising self-care techniques that help manage stress and anxiety. This could include mindfulness exercises, regular physical activity, or journaling to reflect on your feelings and experiences.
Healing relationships often require understanding, empathy, and ongoing effort from both individuals as well as individually.
If you’re comfortable, please let us know if this was your first experience with a panic attack, or if there is a history of them. How did you manage the panic attack? Additionally, what strategies are you using to actively manage your overthinking tendencies and address the mistrust?
I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! 
Take care,
Cool Breeze =)
Recently, I took a one-month break from my girlfriend because of some issues that I unintentionally caused. During that break, she told me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, which broke my heart. In the same week, I was scammed, which made it really hard for me to open up to my parents. Eventually, I did manage to tell them, and the scam was reported, but it took a toll on my mental health.
I felt unproductive for a while until my graduation day when my girlfriend reached out to reconcile. We decided to give our relationship another try. However, shortly after, I said something that I didn’t think was a big deal, but it brought up trust issues for her. On a subsequent date, she asked me a question that seemed to imply she thought I might be microcheating. I wasn’t aware of my tone, and while I didn’t snap at her, I struggled to express myself clearly, which led to her losing trust in me. This triggered my first panic attack, where my hands and feet felt cold, and I had a nauseous sensation.
I opened up to her and apologized, explaining how I felt. She then told me that she had resented me for a while, which affected me deeply. I told her that I forgave her and myself for what had happened, although I know I haven’t fully forgiven myself yet, and I often overthink the situation.
What triggers my panic attack is the thought of her leaving in which internally I may not accepted it yet. I tend to overthink, even though I’ve acknowledged my part in the issues. She has now told me that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore, which has broken my heart again. I’m not sure where things stand until we talk again.
I’m trying my best to work on myself mentally after the incident since then, and I’m wondering if there’s anything more I can do to improve my situation.
Hey @Juicy,
Thanks for sharing more with me. It makes complete sense that your nervous system would feel dysregulated after going through such a series of unfortunate situations. When we feel unsafe, it’s normal for our bodies to react cautiously—it’s how our body protects us, and this can sometimes manifest as hesitations in our responses.
Overthinking is also a common coping response to feeling unsafe. It’s a top-down approach where we use our brains to rationalise and find solutions to potential problems. Originally meant as a protective measure, it can sometimes overwhelm us and cause more harm than good. I strongly encourage you to try a bottom-up approach—using your body to help regulate your nervous system and create a sense of safety. This might involve activities like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness exercises to calm your mind and body.
Try practicing these strategies every day, even if it’s just for a minute at first, and gradually increase your practice. Begin by becoming aware of when you are overthinking. Awareness is key to breaking the pattern. When you notice you are overthinking, try breaking the cycle by engaging in grounding techniques or physical activities like 5 jumping jack or 10 push ups.
You might also find it helpful to check out videos on managing ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) for additional techniques and support.
Working with a counsellor would be ideal for uncovering the root causes of your overthinking tendencies and guiding you in improving your self-regulation skills.
It ovee between us and it really shatters my heart badlyy. I feel very sad and very downn and this is the was i ever felt. I need someonee i could talk to or atleast tell me what i can dooo to be better
Hey @Juicy,
I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time. Breakups can be incredibly painful and can leave you feeling sad and downhearted. It’s important to give yourself permission to grieve and feel these emotions fully.
Here are some steps that might help you during this tough period:
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Seek Professional Help: If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions or if you’re struggling to move forward, consider seeking support from a counsellor or therapist. They can provide guidance and tools to help you heal and grow from this experience. Please click here for a list of resources.
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Allow Yourself to Grieve: It’s normal to feel sad and to mourn the loss of the relationship. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve without judgment.
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Take Care of Yourself: Focus on self-care activities that nurture your well-being. This could include exercise, hobbies you enjoy, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness and relaxation techniques.
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Reflect and Learn: Whenever you are ready, you can than take some time to reflect on the relationship and what you’ve learned from it. Consider what aspects you might want to carry forward and what you might want to approach differently in future relationships.
Healing takes time, and it’s okay to not feel okay right now. Be patient and kind to yourself as you navigate through this challenging period. 
Hey, it’s been a month. I think things are getting better, to be honest. I’ve been working out a lot, but can I ask you something? Is it normal for me to reflect and think that the last two months of the relationship made me feel unappreciated? I’ve slowly started to think that she’s just an ordinary person. Sometimes I do think about the version of her that made me happy, but not as much now. I don’t know why, but I’m slowly developing a hatred towards her. I really just want to find a way to stop it.