rant i guess

[user1294]

Been feeling this emotions of worried, upset, anxious and this sonder feeling these past few days. The emotions really came at full force 3 days ago while waiting to apply for a school trip.

The first problem is this anxious feeling, as i’m seperated from my friends and would be going to a different country with no one i know/comfortable with. Although a handful of my classmates will be going to the same country as me, I’m not close to any of them, like we don’t talk/interact at all. I know that this would be a good way to make new friends and start opening up more, but for now it’s the feeling of i don’t have anyone to be opened to for the entire trip. And i fear that i live by the quote of: Nothing you do in this life is legendary unless your friends are there to witness it. So right now all i’m thinking of other then the things ill get to experience on the trip is, it will not be as fun as i want it to be. (P.S. the trip is in 4 months, yes still a lot of time to change things) Well yes, the journey could still be great no matter i have my friends there or not but i’m just overthinking the fact that people there are already possibly with their friends (clicks) so it would be really hard and awkward to just insert myself into their group. Which brings me to my second problem….

Having a hard time making new friends. I never had any issues making friends till i started y1 in poly. It may be because i’ve already build such a close bond with my group of friends in my PFP year, and felt that I kind of closed myself off during the first sem of the year. Which honestly thought it was ok as i would only be with this class for about 4-6 months only before being group to our respective diploma groups. But since then I’ve tired to create small talks to get to know my new classmates and find common interest to talk about. But gosh, all the convos just end up dead, like it’s not being reciprocated back, which makes things awkward. I was still able to create a friend group that consisted of a few of my friends from my PFP friend group and this one new girl. But I feel drained from this group of friends, cos we have no common interest well at least for me and one of my friend who felt the same as me. I’ve been trying to mix with my other classmates but they all already have their clicks which like i mention, makes it hard and awkward to suddenly just join tho a person in one of those click was really welcoming, can’t say for some of them in his click… Anyways, here is where the upset feeling comes about i should say. I don’t feel seen by my classmates at all. I have been with them for almost 5 months now and yes that may consider as relatively early to get to know people for some out there. But I fear a common courtesy is to remember my name and know that I’m present in social situations. Like that’s the bare minimum for me. So when I went out with a handful of my classmates for lunch and they just shoved me aside against the wall back facing me while they talk as a group really hurt me. Like I never would have thought this situation would actually happen to me or just play out in real life. It’s literally as bad as you may think, like I tried hopping on a conversation that they were having and when I talked, they talked right over me, not even hearing/ acknowledging that I was speaking. In that moment my heart was just shattered and I felt like a total loser, i’m not even joking, like dead serious loser. A classmate who talks to me occasionally, i’m just making up problem in my head but he saved my name as the emoji that I put as a username while the rest are all their actual names, which just got me overthinking things that I dont feel treated the way I want to be treated, like i’m part of the loser group which i have never been. i was always the one to get along and befriend with anyone and suddenly i’m at the other receiving end with no one looking out for me. Honestly might sound cocky but this has been on my mind forever.

That’s all i have for this rant. just a question for anyone reading this, how is counselling like, been curious about what topics you are able to share and just the overall experience as i’ve been considering booking a counselling session, but really don’t know how the session would be like, as i’ve never attended one before…

Thank you for listening to my TED talk.

[LitCandle1505]

Hey @user1294 ,

Thank you for sharing what you’ve been going through. I hear that you’ve been feeling worried, upset and anxious these past few days from a school trip and that it’s been coming up due to the fear of feeling left out. From what you’ve described, it sounds that these feelings have been on your mind for awhile, and that can be exhausting. It’s understandable too that you’ll be worried due to what you’ve experienced trying to reach out to make friends, and I think anyone in your situation will feel the same way too.

To start off, I think it’s really amazing that you’ve been putting in so much effort to try to improve something you want to change. Though the effort you put in may seem to be wasted, I feel that it shows what kind of people you’ll mix well with and the values that you look for in others when making friends. That being said, it’s also understandable that you’ll feel left out and ignored when the people you’ve been reaching out to have been ignoring you and not acknowledging you when you speak. However, know that how others treat you does not define who you are. You’re not a loser if people are disrespectful to you. Moreover, the fact that you have a close group of friends shows that you have the ability to make friends and that your friends also see the good in you. If others do not, it’s perfectly fine It just means that they’re people you don’t click with. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you.

Additionally, going back to the school trip, I’m not too sure if your school allows it, but perhaps you could ask if it’s possible to change the destination of your trip so you could go to the same destination with your friends. If that’s not possible, maybe you could try planning on some areas you would like to visit in the country you’re traveling to so there’s something to look forward to! As you’ve mentioned too, you could also try talking to the classmates that will be going to the same country as you to know them better. But if you’re not able to click with them, that’s also fine!

Lastly, with regards to your questions on counselling, for me, it took time for me to really open up to a counsellor I spoke to in the past. But they’re open to talking about anything that’s troubling you, and the one I saw offered different perspectives on the situation that was troubling me and ways for me to calm myself whenever I had anxious thoughts. Though the experience may be different for you, I think it’s worth a shot! And from there, you can determine to if seeing a counsellor would be helpful to you

Be kind to yourself and we’ll be here if you need a listening ear

[CaringBee]

Dear @user1294

Thank you for making the effort of writing out what has been on your mind. It’s not easy to put thoughts/feelings into words that can accurately express fears, worries and trepidation but you did. I think it also shows clarity of your thoughts and your determination to proactively take charge of your life. A good first step!

It’s understandable that you feel anxious about the upcoming overseas trip especially because your group of supportive classmates won’t be with you. The students going with you already have their own cliques to hang out with and you worry about being isolated and alone. You have described how painful It has been not to be seen or heard by those around you.

I can see how challenging it has been. Please do not be discouraged. I hold the view and feel optimistic that what has happened in a challenging life stage does not define who we are at all. Stay grounded, and return to the present moment instead of staying in your mind.

I think seeing a counsellor would help you in many ways. I have seen how their non judgmental approach can facilitate a decline in distress among those who consult them.

Counsellors are trained to listen actively, probe gently and provide a safe space for their clients to confidentially discuss what’s on their mind.

As you navigate this life stage, please know that you are not alone. Continue reaching out here for support whenever needed. Sending you warmth and care!