I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia when I was 22 and now I am 29. I feel that I am still young for anything to function well. I have a bf who’s my pillar of support but sometimes I feel that the yearn to get married is getting stronger and stronger. Last time I used to think nobody will want me because of my mental illness and I am lucky to find a bf through online and stuff. Also, all my girl friends left me and I have to deal with my problem alone and there’s no hang out with girls or whatsoever. It’s hard as I need social support and they are nowhere to be found so I have to make new friends. Now all my friends are those that are down with mental illness and even church friends of mine don’t seem to understand. I feel lonely and only have a guy best friend who’s there for me to talk and make me laugh. Battling this illness is not easy as I face many up’s and downs and sometimes I want to die due to suicidal thoughts. I feel like stopping to see the psychiatrist as well because I feel this is a burden to myself and my family.
My relationship with my younger brother is also strained and he’s angry with me for no reason. I feel like I am stepping on eggshells when he’s around. I wish to mend the broken relationship and hope that we can do siblings things together like we used to when we were young.
I don’t think I can live with this anymore and I only see marriage as a breakthrough but the timing is not here yet and I hate being single while seeing so many others get married and have kids already.
What should I do?
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Dear @user3536
Thank you for this honest sharing on what has been happening in your life. Living with schizophrenia is exhausting and lonely, and it’s completely understandable you feel worn out.
May I point out some strengths I gathered by reading your post. I believe you’re determined to live your best life, which exemplifies qualities of persistence, and future orientedness. The fact that you have goals, a boyfriend, and vision for marriage also suggests your optimism and desire to manage your condition optimally.
I think ceasing consults with your psychiatrist might feel tempting, but this care helps keep you safe and stable. You deserve support and treatment just like anyone else with a long term illness.
Marriage can be a beautiful goal, but I have observed that it won’t erase the pain or loneliness on its own. While you wait for the right timing, you can still build small pieces of support for yourself: a new hobby group, a peer support group at IMH, or participating in a volunteer activity. I think one or two healthy friendships outside your boyfriend can potentially enrich and expand your life and thus make a big difference.
With your brother, a gentle note like “I miss spending time with you” when things are calm can open the door. Some families also find joint sessions with a counsellor or social worker helpful.
And if suicidal thoughts return, please reach out to SOS (1-767) which operates 24/7. Please know that you are never a burden. You’re someone living with a hard illness and still trying despite it. That’s pure strength and worth fighting for. 
Hey there, I hear you. Social relationships are crucial to ensuring well-being. More importantly, female friendships are so important as a woman, and I would not be the person I am today without them. May I recommend this group to you, if you feel up for it? It’s an initiative for women in their 20s-30s to network and forge new friendships! https://www.eventbrite.sg/o/screaming-pigeons-109337716711
While I have not partaken in their events before, I think it might be suitable considering your desire to establish deeper bonds with others and find friendship! I also urge you to continue visiting the psychiatrist and perhaps share some of your concerns with them. You are not a burden to your loved ones, and your condition should be treated with the same care and concern as any physical ailment.
It is really so sweet that you wish to regain closeness with your brother 
Perhaps you can begin with expressing this desire to him when he is in a calm mood? Letting him know that you long for a close relationship – like the one you guys shared in your childhood days – can soften his demeanour and hopefully urge him to talk to you more!
I hope everything goes well for you, @user3536! Take care 